Sugar_Cookie21
The world is a vampire
- Jul 11, 2020
- 30
IF ANY FAMILY OR AUTHORITY IS READING THIS, I SHOULD SAY THAT THIS SITE OR ANYONE HERE HAS NO INVOLVEMENT IN MY CHOICE IN ANY WAY
This Essay was originally in portuguese but i translated using google translate so sorry if anything is wrong
First of all, it should clarify who recognizes who I am and where I am, one last thing I want attention or unnecessary drama, no one but me has a behavior in my decision, this note is just an explanation for those who want to read.
Second, I didn't write this in a day or a week, no matter how much I've written in 20 pages, there may still be some contradictions, because I've changed my mind a few times during that time, in which case, consider one last statement of the controversy.
Third and last, hyperlinks are relevant.
Wretched man that I am! who will deliver me from the body of this death?
Romans 7:24
The sensation of wit and transcendence dominated me, it was years considering the inevitable that started out only as a momentary thought that ended up intensifying over that time. Anguish, pain, loneliness, idleness, inertia, pessimism, discomfort or just an empty sign is what you are feeling in the last 5/6 years, I waited and waited, but now I have waited too long, nothing has changed and I can wait.
A while ago, I read a book that was not written to me, but a member of a part that said that we often create a world to sustain certain illusions that we want to believe, like those used in the way of saying that we are in control, who we are loved and other careers like that. Our world is based on compatible guesses and euphemisms about the most enduring facts of life and the future, so why do we accept these lies ?, Why are we not the ones who make the world, we only inherit a small part of it and are devoid of the rest. We cannot change the world to fit our minds, in fact it is the static world that changes our dynamic minds to fit it.
The first problem is this question of the simulator, I am always accumulated by the pressure of the saber that is "my best", far from the loneliness of the soul, it is an imaginary product. The symptom is like the afflictions that affect the saints throughout the history of the sacred, it is a dark night of the soul, but devoid of the image of holiness that preceded the certainty of dissimulation. Finally, not even as sensory massages, like games, anime, manga and other things that are taking care of this misery, I just got out of a 50 minute race in Team Fortress 2, but I intend to play all night that I still haven't managed , because repetition gets more and more intense.
Life is unfair and it is difficult to accept it, but it is a fact that you accept or not, a single option is to hide below our illusions, but how far does this artificialism go ?, Until when will you have your finger and convince me to be well, when i'm not in the media play mode (games, music, music, etc.) is it making me happy when in fact just giving me a momentary distraction from reality? education is something that helps me when, in fact, it is a system that kills creativity and self-opinion, that destroys the soul and the mind, where a focus is focused on the guise of future beggars, where teachers and other practices are puppets happy on the site or are too covered to act in fear of losing their monthly relationships, it is a system designed to create other obedient puppets, not to create criticism, a system that is corrupt and destructive and is proud of it. It all reminds me of a "We Happy Few" game, being immune to anyone who is mundane is an impossible task, being stuck in that machine and there is not much to do.
But why not ignore everything that everyone does and live a normal life ?, Well, in an analogy life is like a big river with several arms that lead to any destination. When we are born, we need removals that are our decisions, that can track towards the destination, and that the boat can be anything: dreams, wishes, ambitions, faith, family, friends, Mother's Day or the last feeling to live, to prevent to drown, to make sense of a trip and to feel a sense of joy when we approach the desired destination, the size of your boat or the size of your reason for living the bigger your boat, the slower, difficult to handle and treat and it is an easy target for other boats. In my case, my oars are broken and I have no boats. I even have dreams, but they are more delusions than really something concrete, as sometimes I like to think that I am a guy who travels between worlds and meditation or, a powerful vampire, can you believe that ?, Do they sound too absurd to a dream and that is why they are delusions, the same delusions that keep me afloat, but now I'm drowning with them. Without faith, without hope, without purpose, imaginary and anthropomorphized friends, superficial family, with no reason to wake up and live life, the existing emptiness only grows and loneliness becomes colder, as in the analogy I am drowning in this river, with no reason to swim to the surface, without the resources to build a boat, without the motivation to do it, all I do is entertain myself all day (dawn, in this case) until I sleep, but I don't feel sleepy. I can go days without sleep because my mind does not stop, they are not voices or demons, the only voice is my own and I am my demon. I can even sleep with effort and only if I am listening to music, otherwise I do not sleep and paddle in my resentments until the moment I am distracted again in the wired. But it is equally difficult to stay awake without anything to supply my thoughts, if I could I would sleep 20 hours a day, I am living in an impasse, a vicious cycle that I cannot escape, in a constant state of LDAR I don't even have a reason to get up from the bed.
I don't have friends or social ties, I always felt like an alien in human skin, so not sharing what everyone else already does is just one of many things that everyone considers normal and I have no interest in doing. Most of the notions we all have of relationships and love life are extremely fanciful and come from fiction, and it is foolish to cling to these illusions. The reality is that people are a problem, people are suffering. The more people you put into your life, the more suffering you will experience. If you absolutely have a need to include more people in your life, you will probably experience a lot of suffering in your life. That's what I believe in, I'm not "edgy" or cold or anything, I can't even deal with this "emotional independence", I'm the type of person who wouldn't have a problem with being mediocre.
"I am discouraged with everything. Everything I try always goes wrong. I have no escape in this tightening. I'm exhausted. Besides, I still haven't found a real purpose in life. Sometimes it scares me to get up in the mornings. There is nothing to get up for. My life is meaningless. I'm digressing. Aimlessly. Lost in the universe ". - Joseph Goebbels, July 17, 1924
Anyone who says that meaning has to be found is someone who has never had to deal with the discovery that all of these "senses" will empty out as they are concentrated; can planting potatoes serve to warm the soul? Sure, but then you'll have to deal with the fact that potatoes don't need you to exist, so you're just a servant of potatoes, the meaning of your life is just the meaning of the potato's life - it's like karoshi who dies for the image of himself that he has in the company. This is not a meaning of life, it is subhumanization. It is for these reasons that I only find a sense of living in non-living; if Maine de Biran was right, and it seems to be, the will only exists when we are in the third life, death. My life has not lost its meaning, meaning simply never existed and in fact my life does not need meaning, nor does it need to be filled with anything, it has to be delivered, empty as it is, to death.
Objectively, life, whatever life is, is not worth living. In the end, it won't make a difference. The value that each person gives to their own life is subjective. I do not give my value and, therefore, I think that there is nothing more unfair than itself and nothing more just than death.
~Sugar_Cookie21
This Essay was originally in portuguese but i translated using google translate so sorry if anything is wrong
First of all, it should clarify who recognizes who I am and where I am, one last thing I want attention or unnecessary drama, no one but me has a behavior in my decision, this note is just an explanation for those who want to read.
Second, I didn't write this in a day or a week, no matter how much I've written in 20 pages, there may still be some contradictions, because I've changed my mind a few times during that time, in which case, consider one last statement of the controversy.
Third and last, hyperlinks are relevant.
Wretched man that I am! who will deliver me from the body of this death?
Romans 7:24
The sensation of wit and transcendence dominated me, it was years considering the inevitable that started out only as a momentary thought that ended up intensifying over that time. Anguish, pain, loneliness, idleness, inertia, pessimism, discomfort or just an empty sign is what you are feeling in the last 5/6 years, I waited and waited, but now I have waited too long, nothing has changed and I can wait.
A while ago, I read a book that was not written to me, but a member of a part that said that we often create a world to sustain certain illusions that we want to believe, like those used in the way of saying that we are in control, who we are loved and other careers like that. Our world is based on compatible guesses and euphemisms about the most enduring facts of life and the future, so why do we accept these lies ?, Why are we not the ones who make the world, we only inherit a small part of it and are devoid of the rest. We cannot change the world to fit our minds, in fact it is the static world that changes our dynamic minds to fit it.
The first problem is this question of the simulator, I am always accumulated by the pressure of the saber that is "my best", far from the loneliness of the soul, it is an imaginary product. The symptom is like the afflictions that affect the saints throughout the history of the sacred, it is a dark night of the soul, but devoid of the image of holiness that preceded the certainty of dissimulation. Finally, not even as sensory massages, like games, anime, manga and other things that are taking care of this misery, I just got out of a 50 minute race in Team Fortress 2, but I intend to play all night that I still haven't managed , because repetition gets more and more intense.
Life is unfair and it is difficult to accept it, but it is a fact that you accept or not, a single option is to hide below our illusions, but how far does this artificialism go ?, Until when will you have your finger and convince me to be well, when i'm not in the media play mode (games, music, music, etc.) is it making me happy when in fact just giving me a momentary distraction from reality? education is something that helps me when, in fact, it is a system that kills creativity and self-opinion, that destroys the soul and the mind, where a focus is focused on the guise of future beggars, where teachers and other practices are puppets happy on the site or are too covered to act in fear of losing their monthly relationships, it is a system designed to create other obedient puppets, not to create criticism, a system that is corrupt and destructive and is proud of it. It all reminds me of a "We Happy Few" game, being immune to anyone who is mundane is an impossible task, being stuck in that machine and there is not much to do.
But why not ignore everything that everyone does and live a normal life ?, Well, in an analogy life is like a big river with several arms that lead to any destination. When we are born, we need removals that are our decisions, that can track towards the destination, and that the boat can be anything: dreams, wishes, ambitions, faith, family, friends, Mother's Day or the last feeling to live, to prevent to drown, to make sense of a trip and to feel a sense of joy when we approach the desired destination, the size of your boat or the size of your reason for living the bigger your boat, the slower, difficult to handle and treat and it is an easy target for other boats. In my case, my oars are broken and I have no boats. I even have dreams, but they are more delusions than really something concrete, as sometimes I like to think that I am a guy who travels between worlds and meditation or, a powerful vampire, can you believe that ?, Do they sound too absurd to a dream and that is why they are delusions, the same delusions that keep me afloat, but now I'm drowning with them. Without faith, without hope, without purpose, imaginary and anthropomorphized friends, superficial family, with no reason to wake up and live life, the existing emptiness only grows and loneliness becomes colder, as in the analogy I am drowning in this river, with no reason to swim to the surface, without the resources to build a boat, without the motivation to do it, all I do is entertain myself all day (dawn, in this case) until I sleep, but I don't feel sleepy. I can go days without sleep because my mind does not stop, they are not voices or demons, the only voice is my own and I am my demon. I can even sleep with effort and only if I am listening to music, otherwise I do not sleep and paddle in my resentments until the moment I am distracted again in the wired. But it is equally difficult to stay awake without anything to supply my thoughts, if I could I would sleep 20 hours a day, I am living in an impasse, a vicious cycle that I cannot escape, in a constant state of LDAR I don't even have a reason to get up from the bed.
I don't have friends or social ties, I always felt like an alien in human skin, so not sharing what everyone else already does is just one of many things that everyone considers normal and I have no interest in doing. Most of the notions we all have of relationships and love life are extremely fanciful and come from fiction, and it is foolish to cling to these illusions. The reality is that people are a problem, people are suffering. The more people you put into your life, the more suffering you will experience. If you absolutely have a need to include more people in your life, you will probably experience a lot of suffering in your life. That's what I believe in, I'm not "edgy" or cold or anything, I can't even deal with this "emotional independence", I'm the type of person who wouldn't have a problem with being mediocre.
"I am discouraged with everything. Everything I try always goes wrong. I have no escape in this tightening. I'm exhausted. Besides, I still haven't found a real purpose in life. Sometimes it scares me to get up in the mornings. There is nothing to get up for. My life is meaningless. I'm digressing. Aimlessly. Lost in the universe ". - Joseph Goebbels, July 17, 1924
Anyone who says that meaning has to be found is someone who has never had to deal with the discovery that all of these "senses" will empty out as they are concentrated; can planting potatoes serve to warm the soul? Sure, but then you'll have to deal with the fact that potatoes don't need you to exist, so you're just a servant of potatoes, the meaning of your life is just the meaning of the potato's life - it's like karoshi who dies for the image of himself that he has in the company. This is not a meaning of life, it is subhumanization. It is for these reasons that I only find a sense of living in non-living; if Maine de Biran was right, and it seems to be, the will only exists when we are in the third life, death. My life has not lost its meaning, meaning simply never existed and in fact my life does not need meaning, nor does it need to be filled with anything, it has to be delivered, empty as it is, to death.
Objectively, life, whatever life is, is not worth living. In the end, it won't make a difference. The value that each person gives to their own life is subjective. I do not give my value and, therefore, I think that there is nothing more unfair than itself and nothing more just than death.
~Sugar_Cookie21
