Story Test Run Pt2

[hikikomorizombie]

it's 3:50 pm. think i might go to my jumping spot tn to see if i can do it, even though my Death Date isn't till the end of the month. i just feel the urge to for some reason. packing my car w the things i want to bring w me so i don't forget anything later, i forget everything.

Mr. Kuma (teddy bear), check. Journal, check. Laptop that the instructions for disposing of my corpse are typed on, check. Headphones, check. Sleeping pills just in case i can't get past the SI while fully conscious, check. All my origami cranes + paper in case i wanna make more while there, check. Fav books, check.

& since no1 answered my post asking abt my spot, i think i'll just stick w the parking garage.

 

[dynastickitten]

That's a lot of stuff you're bringing. Can I ask why? The paper cranes you explained, but your favorite books and such? Is it just for comfort?

 

[Subterran]

That's a lot of stuff you're bringing. Can I ask why? The paper cranes you explained, but your favorite books and such? Is it just for comfort?

I've not been in their spot, but I've thought of all the same things. I would want to be surrounded by my favorite things before I go, I guess for a few reasons, some of them merely symbolic.

Do you feel it's been hard to find people who share your interests, hikiko?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

your favorite books and such? Is it just for comfort?

hmmm. i never really thought abt why tbh.

yes, at the root of it is comfort, but i also know i wont be able to kms instantly, so i want to bring my fav things to help me pass the time till i can get myself to fall :) & i want to jump w the cranes bc it's symbolic, but also kinda ironic bc to the Japanese, cranes symbolize longevity & happiness.

 

[breezeboy]

I'm sorry it's come to this for you.
Ill definitely be bringing a few items for comfort with me.
I wish the you the best if you go through with it and if not we'll all be here to welcome you back<3

I apologize I didn't see your other post but have you already scouted around the building for a clear hard flat spot to land? Is the roof where you'll be jumping at least 150ft high?

 

[hikikomorizombie]

Do you feel it's been hard to find people who share your interests, hikiko?

i don't really have any interests tbhi play CoD, read, & scroll the same 3 apps every day, lol. that's it. it's been impossible for me to find any1 that shares anything w me tbh. i haven't had a friend irl/online in 6 yrs. all the other girls ik make friends effortlessly too, so i'm always confused.

what about you??

have you already scouted around the building for a clear hard flat spot to land? Is the roof where you'll be jumping at least 150ft high?

thank u for ur comment :') it made my chest ache, in a good way.

the garage is 11 stories, ik 10 is the min for a 98% fatality rate. not sure about a clear spot to land though, didn't think of that during my 1st test run :/ damn. welp, guess that's what this test run will be for then!! thx for the reminder

 

[Subterran]

i don't really have any interests tbhi play CoD, read, & scroll the same 3 apps every day, lol. that's it. it's been impossible for me to find any1 that shares anything w me tbh. i haven't had a friend irl/online in 6 yrs. all the other girls ik make friends effortlessly too, so i'm always confused.

what about you??

If nothing else, the origami sounds unique. I don't think I've ever actually met someone in real life who was into it. The most I've done is written a character who was an expert at it.

What sort of books? I don't read as much as I should, but I get very affected by the stuff I do read.

 

[breezeboy]

thank u for ur comment :') it made my chest ache, in a good way.

the garage is 11 stories, ik 10 is the min for a 98% fatality rate. not sure about a clear spot to land though, didn't think of that during my 1st test run :/ damn. welp, guess that's what this test run will be for then!! thx for the reminder

Of course! I'll keep you in my thoughts tonight.

 

[dynastickitten]

hmmm. i never really thought abt why tbh.

yes, at the root of it is comfort, but i also know i wont be able to kms instantly, so i want to bring my fav things to help me pass the time till i can get myself to fall :) & i want to jump w the cranes bc it's symbolic, but also kinda ironic bc to the Japanese, cranes symbolize longevity & happiness.

Haha nice. Well, if you're feeling too hesitant I wouldn't be opposed to seeing you back online later!

 

[iloverilakkuma]

I see we both share our love for a special bear… haha! I've related a little too much with a lot of your responses so far, if you ever want to chat don't be afraid! :P

From girl to girl, i wish i knew how the others do it too, how they make friendship look so easy. I will admit i am rather jealous of them, maybe it's because they're so much more likeable and easy to talk to

 

[hikikomorizombie]

What sort of books? I don't read as much as I should, but I get very affected by the stuff I do read.

u're a writer?? :o awesome!! i used to write all the time but my love for it disappeared somewhere back in my teenage years. i still try every now & then though :') what genre(s) do u write & like to read?

i only read fic, & books that pertain to mental illness. Observatory Mansions, Junky, Last Summer in the City, & Perks of Being a Wallflower are my favs<3 what're urs??
omg

I see we both share our love for a special bear… haha! I've related a little too much with a lot of your responses so far, if you ever want to chat don't be afraid! :P

From girl to girl, i wish i knew how the others do it too, how they make friendship look so easy. I will admit i am rather jealous of them, maybe it's because they're so much more likeable and easy to talk to

omgggg Rilakkuma!!! :D yes, bears are the best & he's my fav bear icon<3333 also, i'm sorry u can relate to me :( it's def not fun.

thank u sm for ur super sweet replyit honestly feels like im the only girl on the continent who is completely alone. if they don't have friends they have boys, or vice versa. & the same goes for u about wanting to chat!!! :)

 

[iloverilakkuma]

omgggg Rilakkuma!!! :D yes, bears are the best & he's my fav bear icon<3333 also, i'm sorry u can relate to me :( it's def not fun.

thank u sm for ur super sweet replyit honestly feels like im the only girl on the continent who is completely alone. if they don't have friends they have boys, or vice versa. & the same goes for u about wanting to chat!!! :)

Don't feel too bad about the whole relating thing!! That's what we're here for, thank you for the kind words. Can i ask how many cranes you've made? I can't stop making them as of late, the other night i made 40 of them just because my brain reminded me i knew how to make them haha

 

[hikikomorizombie]

Can i ask how many cranes you've made? I can't stop making them as of late, the other night i made 40 of them just because my brain reminded me i knew how to make them haha

omg whattttt :o u can make cranes?!? i've legit never met any1 else who can, besides the 1 who taught me. do u make the 1s where the wings can move or the 1s that can't? i can only make the latter. & i just hit 100!!!i'm trying to make as many as possible for my jump.

can u make any other origami? i can only make cranes, lol

 

[Subterran]

u're a writer?? :o awesome!! i used to write all the time but my love for it disappeared somewhere back in my teenage years. i still try every now & then though :') what genre(s) do u write & like to read?

I've varied greatly in tastes over the years. Started out with sci-fi in high school, which morphed into thrillers. Then I realized I really write for characters rather than plot, and got into more emotional, sort of genreless stuff. I like the color and the intrigue of a unique sci-fi/fantasy/supernatural premise, written in a literary tone, populated with dramatically flawed but well-intentioned characters.

(I think a lot of my writing has been a very transparent outlet for my own emotional dysfunctions...)

i only read fic, & books that pertain to mental illness. Observatory Mansions, Junky, Last Summer in the City, & Perks of Being a Wallflower are my favs<3 what're urs??
omg

I remember quite enjoying The Fault in Our Stars back in high school.

Right now, I'm reading what has been by far the most personally impactful (gutwrenching) book of my life, which is a nonfiction autobiography of a guy who grew up with epilepsy: A Mind Unraveled by Kurt Eichenwald. Despite his condition being physical in origin, he uses the most visceral prose to describe his emotional anguish, his groveling weakness and insecurities, and how it ultimately leads to some pretty intense SI. He doesn't hold anything back or soak it with moral commentary, either.

 

[bondage]

it's 3:50 pm. think i might go to my jumping spot tn to see if i can do it, even though my Death Date isn't till the end of the month. i just feel the urge to for some reason. packing my car w the things i want to bring w me so i don't forget anything later, i forget everything.

Mr. Kuma (teddy bear), check. Journal, check. Laptop that the instructions for disposing of my corpse are typed on, check. Headphones, check. Sleeping pills just in case i can't get past the SI while fully conscious, check. All my origami cranes + paper in case i wanna make more while there, check. Fav books, check.

& since no1 answered my post asking abt my spot, i think i'll just stick w the parking garage.

Thinking about suicide by jumping as well but I'm afraid when they find my body I'll make a stupid face or someone posts it on the internet T-T Maybe i'm a coward for worrying about trivial things like that. I recently joined this website and saw a bunch of your replies. I resonate with you a lot. Currently a rotting hikikomori high school drop out. ~_~ What kind of books interest you? I've always been a fan of philosophical books.

 

[lotus_pink]

I see we both share our love for a special bear… haha! I've related a little too much with a lot of your responses so far, if you ever want to chat don't be afraid! :P

From girl to girl, i wish i knew how the others do it too, how they make friendship look so easy. I will admit i am rather jealous of them, maybe it's because they're so much more likeable and easy to talk to

Same, for me it's because I'm ugly tho lmao

 

[hikikomorizombie]

I recently joined this website and saw a bunch of your replies. I resonate with you a lot. Currently a rotting hikikomori high school drop out. ~_~ What kind of books interest you? I've always been a fan of philosophical books.

i'm sorry u can relate :( it's def not fun. but omgggg a fellow hikikomori!!!<333 i haven't left my house in 2 months, except for groceries or drives. how long's it been for u??

i only read fic, & books that pertain to mental illness. Observatory Mansions, Perks of Being a Wallflower, Junky, & Last Summer in the City are my favs :) what're urs???

 

[cryone]

after reading all these replies you seem so down to earth n just overall sweet.

i don't really have any interests tbhi play CoD, read, & scroll the same 3 apps every day, lol. that's it. it's been impossible for me to find any1 that shares anything w me tbh. i haven't had a friend irl/online in 6 yrs. all the other girls ik make friends effortlessly too, so i'm always confused

ahh i relate aswell. its cool that u play cod, i tried but i was getting dissed really bad n then i quit lmao. ive also never really known how to make friends. ironically, i think the harder you try the worse the success. i feel like ive come across desperate sometimes.


have u read any books by Haruki Murakami? He oversexualizes women a lot but overall his books are still good to read + contain themes of depression.

 

[bondage]

i'm sorry u can relate :( it's def not fun. but omgggg a fellow hikikomori!!!<333 i haven't left my house in 2 months, except for groceries or drives. how long's it been for u??

i only read fic, & books that pertain to mental illness. Observatory Mansions, Perks of Being a Wallflower, Junky, & Last Summer in the City are my favs :) what're urs???

A month for me LOLOL. But I started being a hikikomori 2022. I have a boyfriend who visits me every so often, forcing me to go out. He makes sure I don't CTB and brings my happiness lvls up. I was supposed to redo my senior year of HS last year but I started getting PTSD and anxiety being around other people. I feel like a failure for not being able to do such a simple thing as attending school T^T

OMGG I have some books to rec you that I know you would love. Try reading Heaven by Mieko Kawakami and Schoolgirl by Osamu Dazai. Both fic books and seem up ur alley. I prefer Heaven because the characters are less emo than the MC of schoolgirl xD. My favorite book is Nausea by Jean Paul Sartre. *-* He is also my favorite writer

 

[hikikomorizombie]

its cool that u play cod, i tried but i was getting dissed really bad n then i quit lmao. ive also never really known how to make friends. i feel like ive come across desperate sometimes.


have u read any books by Haruki Murakami? He oversexualizes women a lot but overall his books are still good to read + contain themes of depression.

ahhhh omg!! :') tysm. i def get wym about being dissed. i play by myself w bots on Regular bc of that, lol. (don't tell the dudebros, they h8 that for some reason)

yes! i tried to read If Cats Disappeared From the World, but i lost it when i moved :( are u a fellow reader?? if so, what's ur fav genre & what're ur fav books?

 

[cryone]

ahhhh omg!! :') tysm. i def get wym about being dissed. i play by myself w bots on Regular bc of that, lol. (don't tell the dudebros, they h8 that for some reason)

yes! i tried to read If Cats Disappeared From the World, but i lost it when i moved :( are u a fellow reader?? if so, what're ur fav books?

I hardly read. Still, I read his books. I like Kafka on the Shore and Norwegian wood. oh, also bell jar by sylvia path and no longer human by dazai osamu

 

[iloverilakkuma]

omg whattttt :o u can make cranes?!? i've legit never met any1 else who can, besides the 1 who taught me. do u make the 1s where the wings can move or the 1s that can't? i can only make the latter. & i just hit 100!!!i'm trying to make as many as possible for my jump.

can u make any other origami? i can only make cranes, lol

Leave it to me to not even be aware there's ones where you can move the wings?? TT; im embarrassed!

My coworker tried to teach my how to make the lil jumping frogs but i can never remember the steps… i can only make cranes, two diff hearts, and those little cootie catchers ;;;

 

[繁星满天]

来世再见。See you in the next life.

 

[rozeske]

Good luck on your plans. I hope you find your peace soon