On my phone and it won't let me put the cursor after your reply (below). Mornings are honestly the f*cking worst. I am similar in that once I am up I am able to function but all the while in the mind is fear. The only time I don't feel it is when I'm distracted, usually by doing something or interacting, but even then it's not far away. I used to be very much about the empirical evidence too and science-minded, but unfortunately I ended up going down a rabbit hole that started with listening to many interviews of people who have have had near death experiences. I couldn't deny that there is something more going on with reality, and I've since had my own experiences to add to this belief. I'm neither spiritual or religious.
I go to bed knowing I have to wake up and do things I don't want to do to continue surviving.
Waking up and forcing myself to get started is the hardest part of my day.
Once i'm awake, my body just moves. I try not to think too much and just act.
After that, the day just sort of passes by and suddenly im back in my bed dreading the next day.
I don't believe in anything like the after life or reincarnation. I think we only get one chance at this and that's it.
Our energy gets put back into the cosmos and some new form of existence is given life with our conciousness un-attached.
I often think about what hell would be like and its kind of scary but it's just fiction as far as my brain is concerned
In my case I just find it so horrible how we cannot have the option to just easily die in peace without risks in a guaranteed way. It's cruel how existence doesn't come with an permanent offswitch, I certainly understand that it's so dreadful feeling trapped here in this hellish existence where there is no limit as to how much we can suffer. A suicide attempt going wrong is also what I would fear, in general I just fear existence and the suffering it causes, I only wish for nothingness.
Yes, everything here. I wish for nothingness too, the idea of an eternal life/form/soul and with no offswitch = prison. I'm curious how you cope with day-to-day living, if you don't mind me asking that. I can't imagine living years of feeling this way.
Not to be rude but why does fearing what could possibly happen after death have to be a religious thing? we don't even understand consciousness among trillions of other things... we know we don't even perceive reality for what it is. It's not crazy to think it could repeat infinitely. Or that there's multiple worlds going on and once you die you just experience another... it could all be a dream.
Thank you for saying that. I'm neither religious or spiritual, and we are arrogant if we think we yet understand what this reality or consciousness is. I only have my theories. I would love to disprove them because they horrify me and make dying all the more terrifying.
I have the same worries OP. I have also experienced things I cannot explain and other states of mind. I have had psychosis which has really made me afraid of living even more... but also dying. I am too afraid to live any longer and "killed" myself long ago by removing myself from reality and existing in my home, alone without contact. Like I'm watching life go on through my screen. It's miserable. But it makes it easier not to have to face the fact I need to kms because I can live comfortablely away from real life even if it's mentally painful. But I do want to die... I will hopefully get over this fear soon.
I am so sorry. Being isolated and having psychosis, I can't even imagine. I wish none of us had to go through this hell alone and we could peacefully and reliably exit. My heart goes to you.
I share the exact same feelings as you. I am in such a rough time in my life and I have no motivation to keep going I just want to end it all. But at the same time I am afraid of what lies beyond. I am afraid of leaving behind certain things that bring me little blips of joy. But life is just too much to bear. It's like what you said, I feel like I'm in limbo too.
Exactly this. And the leaving things behind as well, it breaks my heart. This world is at least familiar and we know the rules, in death it's completely unknown.
. I don't really have an answer to this myself either as the only thing I feel that has help me is analyzing my fears and walking myself through them rationally multiple times over to try to make them less scary and easier to digest.
Thank you, I am sorry you/we are all going through this, I honestly wouldn't wish this mental anguish on anybody. Sometimes I have moments of calm rational thought, but I can't seem to think my way into reassuring myself that it's going to be okay when fundamentally I don't believe it. Sometimes I get small comfort from thinking that we all must go through death, so although it's lonely for the individual it's still a shared experience for all. And that I'm just fast-tracking the inevitable. And that at least I have control over one thing (providing it all goes to plan).
Sharing here may help you feel at least not alone - it does help me. I can relate: living and the process of dying both feel daunting. However, I'm less worried about the death, once it's finalized. (I do need to make sure that the dying, if it's something I do on my own, works 100%). I don't see hard evidence to support a post-life existence where I would be regretting my decision, but I'm more into science than religion. We will find out, sooner or later, if there is a "there" there, and if there is, I sure hope it's good!
I do feel a bit calmer and less alone, thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. I'm very thankful this site exists and that we can safely share.
