Mugara
if i count to ten, will it all go away?
- Sep 12, 2018
- 40
What happens when you slip to the other side? We humans are born without understanding of a non-existence concept but god damn it scares the shit out of me and actually pushes me away from cbt'ing right now.
I convince myself that it's almost like sleeping but without your brain creating images.
When the feeling gets worse I have to dream up, fantasize about afterlife or being reborn.
But what if reincarnation exists and my fate is to be born mentally/physicaly ill everytime so I will end myself every single life I'm given?
I'm so panicked. I started to have thoughts that I maybe should live but then pain in my chest reminds me that no cure will ever come. I can't stay and I can't go.
I want to become invisible, lose flow of time and just be at this planet because I can't deny how much I love it.
I also have a strong fear of being buried. How can I possibly dismiss it? Cremation comes close to ideal, it's almost like you being dissolved, but I heard that it's against rules in my town ;/
I convince myself that it's almost like sleeping but without your brain creating images.
When the feeling gets worse I have to dream up, fantasize about afterlife or being reborn.
But what if reincarnation exists and my fate is to be born mentally/physicaly ill everytime so I will end myself every single life I'm given?
I'm so panicked. I started to have thoughts that I maybe should live but then pain in my chest reminds me that no cure will ever come. I can't stay and I can't go.
I want to become invisible, lose flow of time and just be at this planet because I can't deny how much I love it.
I also have a strong fear of being buried. How can I possibly dismiss it? Cremation comes close to ideal, it's almost like you being dissolved, but I heard that it's against rules in my town ;/
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