Terrified of CTB

[WantToQuit]

I feel so terribly right now. I want to end it all, but the more I want it, the more I'm scared of doing it.
I just want to go to a local forest and hang myself. I've been there already in the past two nights, to check a suitable tree.
I have everything - a good tree, two kinds of rope and a flashlight.
But I'm so scared! What if there will be something even worse after suicidal death? Nobody knows what there really is, and that scares me af!

 

[peach75]

Being death is literally worse. After death, nothingness is the same as before life. Only someone fucked up won't be scared or someone in great emotional pain.
It seems your emotions are not negative enough to push you to do it.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Everything is possible. We never know until we are actually there

 

[Darkover]

death is just like sleep what's it like to go to sleep and never wake up, life's a gamble you never know what you are going to get life could be worse than the one you have now or better or nothing at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

The thing that scares me is this life, there is no limit as to how bad things can get. There is unlimited potential for suffering. Once we die we are at peace. Once we lose consciousness that is it for us. There is no evidence of there being anything after death. Death is freedom from this horrible life.

 

[Hans Voralberg]

If you are scared of doing it you should postpon it and give yourself time to deeply analise your situation once more.Something inside you isn't fully ready for this step. Fear is completly natural reaction because you probably feel afraid in your life in your current situation and want to be free from this state.I have to aware you that hanging by full suspension is the most stressful thing I have ever expierienced in my life you probably will be terrified at the same second the rope start to close around the neck. It's not peacefull Death in my humble opinion. Just give yourself time to rethink evrything. Your feelings, situation, even the method. It's just my opinion about this. You matter for me and for people here. We are here for you no matter what please remember about it whatever you decide.

 

[sfabians]

Everyday more than 150,000 people die. 120/minute. I see it as a normal, natural process. Yes, we have the instinct to survive, some more or less than others. I did a google search and those are the stats.

 

[NormaJeane]

You can meet me, I feel the same way.

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Part of me is worried about what might happen if I die this way.

But I can't live in a joyless world. It already feels as though I am in Hell.
I'm only 30, I've got far too much of my life to go to live it like this. It's been an absolutely brutal fight just to get this far.
If there is a God on the other side I have to hope that he's forgiving, because if not we're all pretty fucked in one way or another.
And if he didn't want me to die like this he wouldn't put me in this position. Nobody would die by suicide if they weren't supposed to.

I don't want there to be an afterlife though- I don't want to exist in any way, shape or form.
If we don't know what happens after death then what's the point in torturing ourselves with the possibility of being punished for being so desperate to end the pain that we end our lives?
Also some people live good lives then die suddenly; are they any better than us that they should deserve this whilst we suffer?

 

[Lifeless mindset]

I had this same problem. Something that helped me is knowing that we will all die some day. Eventually, everyone you've ever known and everyone they know will soon pass, so eventually we will all experience what comes after death, sure you may be scared of the unknown, im sure most people are, but thinking about things like that helped me somewhat reach a level of comfortability to where I feel like I can peacefully CTB.

 

[setup]

It could mean that you are not at peace with your decision or method. I would highly suggest u reflect on things. Life can suck, life can be great. There is a duality with all things.

To me, suicide is not a rash decision and you must come to terms with it mentally and spiritually. Otherwise there is a higher chance you fail or continue to carry these negative emotions that are weighing u down. Fear is powerful but it exists for a reason as well as courage.

I implore you to think about this when your not emotional.

 

[Samsara]

Being death is literally worse. After death, nothingness is the same as before life. Only someone fucked up won't be scared or someone in great emotional pain.
It seems your emotions are not negative enough to push you to do it.

That is an interesting observation, and I agree. I used to be afraid of death but after being like this for so long I've begun to think I'm already in hell, lol

 

[lonerclown666]

I feel the same but sadly i always i will live in fear i feel a little excited too

 

[greyhound]

Read up on NDEs. There is a ton of evidence for our consciousness continuing on independent of our body's life.

This is a good article in a fairly mainstream magazine. The science is catching up to what spiritual masters have been saying for 1000s of years. Your consciousness exists elsewhere and is just being projected into this body temporarily. Ditch your body and go home if you need to.

Your Brain Is Not a Computer. It Is a Transducer

A new theory of how the brain works — neural transduction theory — might upend everything we know about consciousness and the universe itself.

www.discovermagazine.com

 

[cambrai33]

I am calm right now about it, partly because I have become empty of all emotion and feel nothing for myself at all. I'm not angry or sad just empty.

My ctb is planned and I am methodically erasing all existence of my being here, it's a calming process to be honest.

My personal opinion is that if you are conflicted then now is not the time, it's a one shot process and there should be no doubt

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Read up on NDEs. There is a ton of evidence for our consciousness continuing on independent of our body's life.

This is a good article in a fairly mainstream magazine. The science is catching up to what spiritual masters have been saying for 1000s of years. Your consciousness exists elsewhere and is just being projected into this body temporarily. Ditch your body and go home if you need to.

Your Brain Is Not a Computer. It Is a Transducer

A new theory of how the brain works — neural transduction theory — might upend everything we know about consciousness and the universe itself.

www.discovermagazine.com

I sure hope so

 

[AnestheticVoid]

If you are scared of doing it you should postpon it and give yourself time to deeply analise your situation once more.Something inside you isn't fully ready for this step. Fear is completly natural reaction because you probably feel afraid in your life in your current situation and want to be free from this state.I have to aware you that hanging by full suspension is the most stressful thing I have ever expierienced in my life you probably will be terrified at the same second the rope start to close around the neck. It's not peacefull Death in my humble opinion. Just give yourself time to rethink evrything. Your feelings, situation, even the method. It's just my opinion about this. You matter for me and for people here. We are here for you no matter what please remember about it whatever you decide.

How'd you survive full suspension?

 

[fight_club]

Wait until you're quite sure you're ready, my friend. Death finds us all in the end so there's no urgency (except when there is, lol).

Fear of death is both what plagues us and drives us humans to some extent--it's a spectrum, and usually quite complex. I have lurked on here quite a lot and often wished there was some way folks who CTB could "come back" for a moment to tell us what it was like on the other side!

 

[downndone2]

I suppose that is part of what has stopped me so far. I'm afraid I'm going to end up in hell but also feel it couldnt be too much worse than this. I'm also afraid of becoming a rock stuck in a desert or returning as a dog that has a terrible owner. The unknown is scary, I'm not making any rash decisions but plan to get N for when im ready, in the event it gets harder to obtain.
I would recommend you reevaluate your position and dint make any rash decisions.