Seered Doom
A nihilist going through an unrelinquished Hell
- Sep 9, 2023
- 911
As I sit here typing this out, I am tired on a consistent daily basis. This world, I know, is innately not as kind as my parents want to make it out to be. They don't want to understand me and I know I'm everyone's disappointment no matter where I go or who I talk to. I am tempted to grab a knife, cut my stomach open, and watch everything happen right here and now. I am too tired to actually go through with anything though bc I'm just a fucking coward. I'm so demotivated, I can't even push myself to CTB. I know that's what everyone wants from me anyway. I bet you guys would even want to have a dance party on my fucking grave. I know people hate me. No one wants to be friends with someone like me; no one who's irl at least. All of them have left me. I'm my parents disappointment. I try to run into traffic, but people keep pulling me back. I just want this cruel life to be fucking over. I hate being the guinea pig for doctors. I hate being slurred over being autistic and LGBT+ and I'm especially sick and tired of people claiming things they can't follow through on.
"We want you to live," they say "We want you to succeed." Yet they continue to blame, demean, and ridicule my depression and push me to the point that hiding everything is the only answer, but no, my parents make it all about how I'm hurting them and how I'm the bad guy. Well, if I'm the bad guy, do the hero's job already and finish me off! There's no redeeming me. I'm a piece of shit. Just throw me out and leave me to rot and decay. I want to rot and CTB. Who gives a shit about me? Nobody, that's who. Why do I even try anymore? If anyone tries to "fix" me; save your goddamn breath. I'm not worth fixing or saving. I'm beyond the point of anything of that sort. I'm not but an awful person. If there's a way to use my own intestines to strangle me to death or a way to make my body explode after a hard enough hit, do it to me already! Use a semi truck or a tractor if you want. I don't care. I just want to stop being everyone's burden.
"We want you to live," they say "We want you to succeed." Yet they continue to blame, demean, and ridicule my depression and push me to the point that hiding everything is the only answer, but no, my parents make it all about how I'm hurting them and how I'm the bad guy. Well, if I'm the bad guy, do the hero's job already and finish me off! There's no redeeming me. I'm a piece of shit. Just throw me out and leave me to rot and decay. I want to rot and CTB. Who gives a shit about me? Nobody, that's who. Why do I even try anymore? If anyone tries to "fix" me; save your goddamn breath. I'm not worth fixing or saving. I'm beyond the point of anything of that sort. I'm not but an awful person. If there's a way to use my own intestines to strangle me to death or a way to make my body explode after a hard enough hit, do it to me already! Use a semi truck or a tractor if you want. I don't care. I just want to stop being everyone's burden.
