Discussion Telling people that you’re gonna CTB, emotional manipulation?

[kevin1192]

I just reached out to my ex-partner to clear some documents before ctb and somehow I mentioned that i'm not going to be here anymore that's why I need to give all your belongings to you. She started accusing me of manipulating her by my decision of dying. Is that true? Is it manipulative to say to someone that you're actually planning to end your life?

 

[BorderlineSuicidal]

It depends on the intention, and how you say it I think. It isn't inherently manipulative though. In your case it doesn't sound like you're manipulating her, as you're genuinely trying to clear things up. However, I think when most people hear someone tell them that they're planning to do something like that, they tend to immediately jump to the conclusion that you're trying to manipulate them into staying/coming back. It isn't inherently manipulative though, in my opinion. Most people just have either an extreme emotional reaction to hearing something like that, or they think they're being manipulative. I'm saying this as someone who once (unintentionally) used that as a manipulation tactic as a kid. It just depends on the context.

 

[mapletree]

Depends on the context. I think if you make it clear you hold yourself responsible for your behavior and don't put it on the other person it should be less taboo to talk about it. Obviously not everyone is going to see it that way. Sometimes I get frustrated bottling things up and snap and allude to people what I'm really thinking...not sure if that's being manipulative or being frustrated, or maybe being manipulative to push people away so that if I do manage it they will be pissed at me and thus less hurt. Who knows I guess there are too many layers to stuff

I mean obviously if you're one of those people who does the "ill kill myself unless you do X" or "you're the reason I'm X" then that's generally not cool

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm leaning toward saying no, but I get caught up at "somehow I mentioned..." There's some context missing that doesn't allow for an accurate assessment.

 

[Ghost2211]

From what you said I would go with no since you are just trying to sort things out before ctb rather than giving conditions or requests to prevent ctb.

I think it says a lot about your ex jumped to accusations of manipulation instead of feeling concerned.

 

[inflammed123]

I just reached out to my ex-partner to clear some documents before ctb and somehow I mentioned that i'm not going to be here anymore that's why I need to give all your belongings to you. She started accusing me of manipulating her by my decision of dying. Is that true? Is it manipulative to say to someone that you're actually planning to end your life?

Are you trying to manipulate her? it doesn't sound like you are. only you know that answer.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

Is it manipulative to say to someone that you're actually planning to end your life?

It depends on whether it's true or not, and on the intentions behind the words.
Was there an element of deception or underhandedness with the aim of controlling her future behavior in your telling her that?
If you just told her that because it's the truth, and you'd rather it be out in the open, then I don't think it's manipulative, no.
Not telling her would be more manipulative, in fact, going by what you said.

just my opinion based on the info you gave in your post

 

[dec132013]

Your actual intentions weren't, but I can definitely see how someone could come to this conclusion (specifically those who aren't ill themselves and/or don't use this site)

 

[Meditation guide]

She started accusing me of manipulating her by my decision of dying. Is that true? Is it manipulative to say to someone that you're actually planning to end your life?

It could possibly be. I don't know what was in your mind when you said it. If you said it to make her feel bad then yeh it was. If you just mentioned it matter of factly without hoping for a reaction of sorrow from her then no it was not.

 

[nitroautnz]

I just reached out to my ex-partner to clear some documents before ctb and somehow I mentioned that i'm not going to be here anymore that's why I need to give all your belongings to you. She started accusing me of manipulating her by my decision of dying. Is that true? Is it manipulative to say to someone that you're actually planning to end your life?

People could interpret it that way, only can answer if you where manipulative or not when you mention that, I actually didn't mention it to my ask for this simple reason, I didn't want her to think that I try to get her back with me (I will love that but not for that reason at least)