Discussion Telling other people about your thoughts?

[drag201]

For those who have tried to explain your ideation thoughts to other people, friends family or significant others, how did it go?

In my case I try talking to my girlfriend because she insists I do it since she's "trying to help". I've tried to explain some of my thoughts about CTBing and what circumstances lead to them. I've gotten dozens of calls at night and messages because she thought I'd hurt myself when I would give no indication except for the fact that I told her I was struggling. It was scary! And exhausting to explain.
Then occasionally I'll bring it up or try to explain the other factors in life that cause me to be very depressed. I get it thrown back at me, and then I feel guilty because I ruin her day most of the time by just simply venting and sometimes I'll be a lot worse mentally after talking to her than before. Needless to say I never really felt heard and venting didn't help me.
Neurotypicals can't understand anything whatsoever even the most common explanations for why someone who is mentally ill would want to put an end to their existence. Instead of genuinely trying to help they'll panic and 99% of the time make people feel terribly worse.

How were your experiences?

 

[endboss]

For those who have tried to explain your ideation thoughts to other people, friends family or significant others, how did it go?

In my case I try talking to my girlfriend because she insists I do it since she's "trying to help". I've tried to explain some of my thoughts about CTBing and what circumstances lead to them. I've gotten dozens of calls at night and messages because she thought I'd hurt myself when I would give no indication except for the fact that I told her I was struggling. It was scary! And exhausting to explain.
Then occasionally I'll bring it up or try to explain the other factors in life that cause me to be very depressed. I get it thrown back at me, and then I feel guilty because I ruin her day most of the time by just simply venting and sometimes I'll be a lot worse mentally after talking to her than before. Needless to say I never really felt heard and venting didn't help me.
Neurotypicals can't understand anything whatsoever even the most common explanations for why someone who is mentally ill would want to put an end to their existence. Instead of genuinely trying to help they'll panic and 99% of the time make people feel terribly worse.

How were your experiences?

I can't talk about it with anyone even though my health is constantly getting worse. I hide it from my family and I isolate myself, because I think I want to protect them... but the reality is my time on earth is over and there is no getting help for my condition. It's beyond cruel. I don't know if I should have the full honesty talk or just disappear when I am ready... what do you think I should do?

 

[spacefreightergirl]

I had a similar experience recently with my family which kind of made everything derail for me. I figured that people tend to believe that they know what's better for you, and the less they understand the more likely they are to make very odd questions and decisions on your behalf. What upsets me the most is that lately they keep repeating "I don't take it seriously enough", like yeah I'm the one suffering this and I can't really push myself through more, what do they expect me to do? My boyfriend has also done this thing of calling an ambulance or emergencies when it was not needed at all and it lead to very awkward situations. The worst is that these few months I was just trying to open up but I realized that it only made things worse for me and for everyone else, so I'm thinking of just shutting down again from now on.

 

[endboss]

I had a similar experience recently with my family which kind of made everything derail for me. I figured that people tend to believe that they know what's better for you, and the less they understand the more likely they are to make very odd questions and decisions on your behalf. What upsets me the most is that lately they keep repeating "I don't take it seriously enough", like yeah I'm the one suffering this and I can't really push myself through more, what do they expect me to do? My boyfriend has also done this thing of calling an ambulance or emergencies when it was not needed at all and it lead to very awkward situations. The worst is that these few months I was just trying to open up but I realized that it only made things worse for me and for everyone else, so I'm thinking of just shutting down again from now on.

I figure this is probably the best for me, too. I would like to talk to my mother about assissted suicide, but I worry that as soon as I talk to her about it, it will make it harder for me to actually ctb without her watching my every move as a result... I don't know. I am fighting so hard every day just to make it through the day. It's been many months since I have had a "good" day. My tinnitus is so loud I can't watch tv, play games, read, sozialize and it gets worse every other day.

 

[drag201]

I can't talk about it with anyone even though my health is constantly getting worse. I hide it from my family and I isolate myself, because I think I want to protect them... but the reality is my time on earth is over and there is no getting help for my condition. It's beyond cruel. I don't know if I should have the full honesty talk or just disappear when I am ready... what do you think I should do?

Honestly, if you feel completely at peace that you're going to go soon, then you're the only one who has the right to. It's your life. Most people will not bother to understand that you're struggling and you're just simply looking to stop suffering. I think right before you go it's special to let your loved ones know that your pain was so strong it was unfortunately stronger than your love for them, but that you still cared even at your darkest moments. But this can be just for closure, or for a proper formal "goodbye". People will not understand, that's for sure. But they'll know why, and they'll know you tried, rather than spending the rest of their lives wondering what could've been different, when really, nothing could have.
This is up to you, of course. Sitting down and telling a person about this is almost impossible. They're gonna be careful around you for as long as they can, they'll live in worry, maybe they will advise you to take some sort of action like seeing someone professional. But they won't see you the same.

I figure this is probably the best for me, too. I would like to talk to my mother about assissted suicide, but I worry that as soon as I talk to her about it, it will make it harder for me to actually ctb without her watching my every move as a result... I don't know. I am fighting so hard every day just to make it through the day. It's been many months since I have had a "good" day. My tinnitus is so loud I can't watch tv, play games, read, sozialize and it gets worse every other day.

If you are able to look into it and explain to your mother that it's much more merciful, doesn't hurt, it's peaceful and somewhat quick for you, I'm sure she will try her best to understand that if you're struggling with your health then your life might not be very enjoyable. It will hurt her a lot and it'll be a long process. But her loving you means seeing you at peace, and happy

I had a similar experience recently with my family which kind of made everything derail for me. I figured that people tend to believe that they know what's better for you, and the less they understand the more likely they are to make very odd questions and decisions on your behalf. What upsets me the most is that lately they keep repeating "I don't take it seriously enough", like yeah I'm the one suffering this and I can't really push myself through more, what do they expect me to do? My boyfriend has also done this thing of calling an ambulance or emergencies when it was not needed at all and it lead to very awkward situations. The worst is that these few months I was just trying to open up but I realized that it only made things worse for me and for everyone else, so I'm thinking of just shutting down again from now on.

I completely agree with you! People will still, somehow, after hearing all this, put their emotional needs above ours. I also sort of gave up on trying to talk about this hence why I think forums like SS or other safe spaces are extremely important for us to just discuss our struggles, because most of our loved ones just dont understand.

 

[endboss]

Honestly, if you feel completely at peace that you're going to go soon, then you're the only one who has the right to. It's your life. Most people will not bother to understand that you're struggling and you're just simply looking to stop suffering. I think right before you go it's special to let your loved ones know that your pain was so strong it was unfortunately stronger than your love for them, but that you still cared even at your darkest moments. But this can be just for closure, or for a proper formal "goodbye". People will not understand, that's for sure. But they'll know why, and they'll know you tried, rather than spending the rest of their lives wondering what could've been different, when really, nothing could have.
This is up to you, of course. Sitting down and telling a person about this is almost impossible. They're gonna be careful around you for as long as they can, they'll live in worry, maybe they will advise you to take some sort of action like seeing someone professional. But they won't see you the same.

If you are able to look into it and explain to your mother that it's much more merciful, doesn't hurt, it's peaceful and somewhat quick for you, I'm sure she will try her best to understand that if you're struggling with your health then your life might not be very enjoyable. It will hurt her a lot and it'll be a long process. But her loving you means seeing you at peace, and happy

Thank you very much for your reply! I don't want them to live in worry, it's already bad as it is. I wrote everything in my suicide notes. I wrote that they could not have helped me better and that none of it is their fault and that it's the hardest decision, but I can't tolerate the torture and the hopelessness.

Maybe it is worth looking into assissted suicide options and actually talk to some people involved in the process and then, when I have information talk to my mother. That makes sense. It's a slow process, though. It would mean one more year of suffering at least.

 

[drag201]

Thank you very much for your reply! I don't want them to live in worry, it's already bad as it is. I wrote everything in my suicide notes. I wrote that they could not have helped me better and that none of it is their fault and that it's the hardest decision, but I can't tolerate the torture and the hopelessness.

Maybe it is worth looking into assissted suicide options and actually talk to some people involved in the process and then, when I have information talk to my mother. That makes sense. It's a slow process, though. It would mean one more year of suffering at least.

Of course, no need to say thank you :) It's wonderful that you're looking ahead like that and being thoughtful. Assisted suicide does take a while indeed but if you are able to access it and have health issues, it would be an easier parting for you and your loved ones. Of course I understand that it's a long process. I hope you are able to find peace and not feel pain anymore regardless of which option you pick.

 

[dopaminedeath]

I'm gearing up to talk about it with my dad, because I'm pretty reliant on him to support my living at the moment. There's probably other reasons, like the last thoughts stopping me being about him. Since it may devastate him. But it's a new approach - one of open conversation around death and acceptance around my own intuition about leaving. Has nothing to do with him, but he deserves to have the space to talk about it before I go.

Anyone else I've already settled the karma with one way or another. It's just him that this conversation needs to happen with.

It's not about suicide boo hoo, but death and dying. The method just happens to be suicide, but the intuition to die is primary.

This conversation isn't meant to be about a cry for help or anything of that sort. It's not a desperation. Just a complete acceptance or the closest we can get to, so that I'm at peace when leaving and he has had the chance to understand for after I'm gone too.

My tinnitus is so loud

I've heard of magic mushrooms rewiring the brain (probably input or sensory processing) so that tinnitus isn't affecting as much or at all