Telling everyone around me to not refer to me as "strong" when I talk about my struggles

[Water-Lily]

I know most people mean it in an endearing way "wow you overcame trauma you are so strong" or "wow you are so strong for surviving this much" etc etc etc

It's not easy having to wake up after a nightmare of repressed memories of abuse. After you realize you suffered genuinely badly and remember how shitty everything is

All my life, I had to use survive barely. Through horrific unimaginable shit because my mom was incapable of loving me and even pushedbrother into hating me at one point

I was the ultimate scapegoat and yet no one did shit for me. I was alone and quite frankly still am

But I am alway some "strong surviver" for overcoming abuse and shit. But I didn't "ask" to be strong in the first place

When people say that it just reminds me I have to have some "hope" to keep on living. Keep on pushing and live a good life

Its like when your suffering people get obsessed with wanting to see you thrive, when you don't even want to

It doesn't make me me feel any better. It makes me feel worse about my circumstances

Reminding me I have to deal with this trauma shit and relapses and every fucking thing for the rest of my life

I am going to live a genuinely hard, painful life, thats the reality

An d its not "strong" its fucking unfair. I never asked for this

The more people try to inspire hope in me, the more I want to commit suicide

It is what it is

 

[youwantitdarker]

yeah, I understand.
Going through hell and back every day is not strenght, it's torture. I think some people like romanticising, this is why they say stuff like that

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I agree, "strong" is a dubious word I don't like to use though I know it's a common affirmation in certain spaces, which is kind of odd considering lots of people have a similar aversion to it as you do even if they can't articulate why. To me the problem is that "strong" necessarily implies "weak" and that implication can be harmful so I try to use less dichotomous language. I don't generally believe in "strong" and "weak" as distinguishing people from one another. Those who thrive or just fare better versus those who don't just have traits or circumstances that facilitate things.

 

[Water-Lily]

yeah, I understand.
Going through hell and back every day is not strenght, it's torture. I think some people like romanticising, this is why they say stuff like that

like people like the survival story where a person did hard psychological work and turned out "fine" and "strong". The perfect survivor story
But what if you don't want to have a survivor story? What if you just genuinely want to die and escape? At that point you're not even a failure. You just realized you had enough and wanted to stop fighting
People who havent' been through it will never understand. They just want you to walk around with gun bullets all over, smile, and say "yay I'm so strong!"

Fuck that imo
Its like, I have 2 choices

1) Keep living but live with extreme pain I have to be "brave" and push through

2) Die and just avoid all of it

 

[Veronica Sawyer]

Whenever I get told something like this I just always think, would it mean that I would be weak if I gave up? I've been told I'm strong many times before and it just rubs me the wrong way. I don't think they'd say that if they could be in your head and feel the things you're feeling.

 

[boxtobs]

It makes my skin crawl every time to be honest, especially if it's in group therapy programs or rehab, in places you'd hope people would understand.
I try and read it as they need to feel comfortable with what I've been through so as not to lash out but if they need to self soothe or feel like there's a moral or something, I wish they'd do it on their own time. I am not better for what I've lived through and there is no moral to my suffering, plain and simple.

 

[lionetta12]

I know most people mean it in an endearing way "wow you overcame trauma you are so strong" or "wow you are so strong for surviving this much" etc etc etc

It's not easy having to wake up after a nightmare of repressed memories of abuse. After you realize you suffered genuinely badly and remember how shitty everything is

All my life, I had to use survive barely. Through horrific unimaginable shit because my mom was incapable of loving me and even pushedbrother into hating me at one point

I was the ultimate scapegoat and yet no one did shit for me. I was alone and quite frankly still am

But I am alway some "strong surviver" for overcoming abuse and shit. But I didn't "ask" to be strong in the first place

When people say that it just reminds me I have to have some "hope" to keep on living. Keep on pushing and live a good life

Its like when your suffering people get obsessed with wanting to see you thrive, when you don't even want to

It doesn't make me me feel any better. It makes me feel worse about my circumstances

Reminding me I have to deal with this trauma shit and relapses and every fucking thing for the rest of my life

I am going to live a genuinely hard, painful life, thats the reality

An d its not "strong" its fucking unfair. I never asked for this

The more people try to inspire hope in me, the more I want to commit suicide

It is what it is

I feel like that statement always invalidates my trauma and experiences, I know that it's meant in a good way, but I feel like they don't understand me and what I went through when they say stuff like that.

 

[Water-Lily]

It makes my skin crawl every time to be honest, especially if it's in group therapy programs or rehab, in places you'd hope people would understand.
I try and read it as they need to feel comfortable with what I've been through so as not to lash out but if they need to self soothe or feel like there's a moral or something, I wish they'd do it on their own time. I am not better for what I've lived through and there is no moral to my suffering, plain and simple.

I believe this 100%. It's like, they're uncomfortable when they hear about our story/pain. So in order to make themselves feel better, they push the whole "you've got this you're strong" survivor mentality bullshit. Effectively putting it on us to "be strong" because it makes them uncomfortable seeing us in this way

It's like we suffer a life sentence for abuse that wasn't our fault, and the people around us say "that sucks but you have to be strong!"

It makes me think that, we have to be careful the people we let into our space

Many people don't know how to respond to trauma and will make us feel worse

 

[WitheringBird02]

Same i also hate it when people are like wow you are so strong or your trauma made you stronger
I believe people say that cuz they have nothing else to say or they can't comprehend what's the right thing to say so they just end the conversation with this.
My response to those people is ..." I was a child i didn't need to be strong i needed to be safe, loved and cared for" and all i believe is this trauma have made things unnecessarily harder the people with no severe trauma are enjoying life and going through just fine it's not like trauma gave us some advantage or something.

 

[meh-is-already-used]

Same i also hate it when people are like wow you are so strong or your trauma made you stronger
I believe people say that cuz they have nothing else to say or they can't comprehend what's the right thing to say so they just end the conversation with this.
My response to those people is ..." I was a child i didn't need to be strong i needed to be safe, loved and cared for" and all i believe is this trauma have made things unnecessarily harder the people with no severe trauma are enjoying life and going through just fine it's not like trauma gave us some advantage or something.

What's your age?

 

[WitheringBird02]

What's your age?

22. Why?

 

[Octavia]

I know that people who say this mean well, but it can be incredibly annoying to be told that I am "brave" or "resilient" or whatever other praise they may use. I am not and do no wish to be brave, and I am clearly not resilient so these words just sound hollow and meaningless.

 

[meh-is-already-used]

22. Why?

Perspective shifts with time
Was curious where you were on the road of time before responding to a point you made:

"it's not like trauma gave us some advantage or something"

My trauma cursed me to the point that I can't just chill the fuck out. It destroyed who I should've been, but for my 5 year old, it's given him the advantage of a guardian with extremely open eyes

As for the "be strong" thing, it just makes me dig a moat around myself, it's obvious filler and it always irks
I don't think anyone's ever had any actual useful follow up to "be strong"
. .. now I'm wondering what that might even be like(?)

 

[dumpstermagic]

hit the nail on the head. it's a lack of perspective and cop out for people who don't know what else to say.
we aren't stronger. jaded, maybe. it's not like this shit builds you up once you're through it. you're never through it. we carry it all forever and for me, it just pisses me off doesnt make me strong.