Venting Techniques to curb suicidal thoughts

[Idontmatter]

Sorry, I have to vent for a second. Does anyone have any techniques by chance to curb suicidal thoughts? I really am trying to stay alive for my husband. It's just that no matter how hard I try the suicidal thoughts won't leave. Medications won't work. I keep going to the doctor and they just increase the dosage of my current medication. I'm exhausted fighting it but not sure if I can fight it any longer. I stupidly cut myself shaving yesterday and saw the blood so my mind went right to let me test my sn again. I did and it passed of course. I'm feeling so fucking stupid and crazy. I hate myself every fucking day. He is beyond supportive and is trying everything he can to keep me alive. When I was in the er last September during my last breakdown he slept on the hard er floor because he didn't want to leave my side until I got transferred to a facility. I cry every time I think about him because of the guilt. My dream is to be able to go on the recovery thread and make a post saying that I feel better and I want to live. It's not looking good though. Sorry for this post. I just had to vent. I don't deserve someone as good as my husband.. I'm an asshole for even thinking about leaving him but it is a battle every day. Now after writing this post I don't think I even deserve to live. I'm just a fuckup. Sorry, had to vent.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I guess put yourself into positive situations where positive things happen.

 

[Lullaby]

I'm really sorry you're struggling so much. Try not to beat yourself up, you didn't ask for any of this and your partner cares about you, you're not doing anything wrong.

Have you looked into Electroconvulsive therapy? At one point I was looking into it for myself.

It seems like it had a pretty high success rate, and it's saved a lot of peoples lives, but it does cause some memory loss I think with past events and there's always a chance your symptoms can return, so at some point you may or may not have to do more sessions. You can read stories from people here https://www.reddit.com/r/ect/

It's kind of extreme, but I guess not as extreme as CTB. I would look into it and see if you think it might help.

 

[Idontmatter]

I guess put yourself into positive situations where positive things happen.

I've tried. It's frustrating because I made positive changes like getting a less stressful job. It worked for a little bit. Now I'm back where I was before. I'm probably not fixable

I'm really sorry you're struggling so much. Try not to beat yourself up, you didn't ask for any of this and your partner cares about you, you're not doing anything wrong.

Have you looked into Electroconvulsive therapy? At one point I was looking into it for myself.

It seems like it had a pretty high success rate, and it's saved a lot of peoples lives, but it does cause some memory loss I think with past events and there's always a chance your symptoms can return, so at some point you may or may not have to do more sessions. You can read stories from people here https://www.reddit.com/r/ect/

It's kind of extreme, but I guess not as extreme as CTB. I would look into it and see if you think it might help.

I've thought about looking into it. I have to see if my insurance covers it because it's probably expensive. It's definitely an option and at this point I'm willing to try anything to stay alive.