Venting tears of glass that make me bleed.

[AbsurdAbyss]

i'm surrounded by people, yet no one sees or hears me. trapped inside a body that tortures me day and night, burns me alive - any 'soul' i had left is long dead and gone, leaving behind only a void that nothing could ever fill. i see someone i know, someone i last met almost a lifetime ago - and they hardly recognize this monstrous abomination i've become. to me they're still the same person i remember - but i'm not even myself anymore, and that hurts. they walk right through me as if i'm simply not there. painful memories and unrealized hopes i've struggled to bury deep within overwhelm me, i feel sick to death and want to kill myself this instant but can't. my head feels like its about to blow up in rage, i hear screams - WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS, I DON'T WANT TO HURT SO MUCH, PLEASE JUST LET ME GO, LET ME DIE IN PEACE. i black out. open my eyes hoping i'm dead to find that i'm not - only everything's gotten worse than before. again - i've been here before and i will be here again - isn't this enough to break me down once more, push me to the edge, make this time my last? - no, it'll never be enough because i'll never be enough. how could i when i don't even amount to anything. how could i 'lose myself' when i never 'found myself' in the first place, how could i lose something i never had - maybe i never really belonged to myself. maybe i never existed to anybody except in my own head. maybe i'm still lying to myself that my words matter just to be able to say this to you, hoping you see something here i don't.