Venting talking about the future/making plans

[nails]

i feel so gross when i start making plans for the distant future. these conversations come up a lot at work, and i feel sick just being in the discussions. i did have a plan for my future, so i usually just tell people what my original plan was, but then i get so sad. reminding myself of my old plans for the future makes me so depressed because i know that it's all useless and/or impossible. on top of that, i just hate lying. i want to tell people that i have no plans because i'm going to die soon, but i can't do that for obvious reasons.
it's so annoying to be constantly asked for updates on some future life goal. i'm not working towards anything, so i never have an answer. i just seem incompetent and lazy, which i am to an extent, but i just can't even pretend to have an answer.

there are so many things and events coming up next year. i tell people that i'll definitely attend whatever event is taking place a year from now, but i obviously won't. someone i know at work even joked about how he'd make me attend this festival a year from now because our favorite bands were confirmed to be performing there. i don't even think he was serious, but it still killed my mood. it's such a simple conversation, it goes by so quick, but it makes me feel horrible.

 

[Abandoned Phantom]

To most people, making future plans are so natural. My mom and I talk about my future fairly often. I keep the conversation going, knowing full well that those plans aren't my plans. That none of it is going to come to fruition. It hurts to keep this act up. But I have to, for her sake.

 

[deeprootdisease]

it hurts because my only plan was being a doctor but i need at least more 4 years of college + 4 years of residency, and that would take SO long. i just can't live until the end of all that

 

[littlecutecorpse]

tbf, that's kinda why i hate when people ask me "where do you see yourself 10 years from now?" (or however many yrs) idk, dead??? nothing but ashes scattered across this god forsaken planet we suffer in, maybe.

i mean sometimes it kinda saddens me when i hear plans for next summer or think about my anniversary w/ my loved one (or anything that's after early january by then), but yk, there's really no going back for me, so nothing much to do but to suck it up and say "oh well".