Talking about suicide

[neveranyhope]

If this belongs in Offtopic, apologies, let me know if I should delete/move/what have you.

I have an older friend who knows I'm depressed and talks like she thinks I'm suicidal - checking in on me etc. The thing that annoys me about her is that she talks ALL the time about how as soon as her dogs and parents pass, she's going to Switzerland and ending it, she doesn't enjoy life and doesn't want to be around, she just doesn't want to do it to her parents or leave her dogs behind bc her husband hates the dogs.

She's retired and in her 60s, but what she doesn't appreciate about me is that I've not had a life worth living at ALL - why bother sticking around for another 30 years of misery? (She just keeps telling me I can off myself when I get "old enough" — wtf is the point of that?) Like, even her "boring retirement" life is easier than what I've been through. She's freaking out on me too much, offering to send me money, trying to intervene to find me work (which pissed me off, we work in different industries) - when by all appearances, she understands the fundamental feeling behind why I'm suicidal - not worth it anymore.

She's in the government so I also feel like she is going to send people to my house. She's a really "tough" person - was the only woman in her division in the 80s, stuff like that. I wish I could be honest with her about how shitty I Feel because she seems like someone who cares about me but I feel so ashamed by what a loser failure I am.

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. But do you guys ever get annoyed with how people will talk about suicide in the hypothetical but then immediately lose all sense when it's an actual consideration for someone in their life?

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

If this belongs in Offtopic, apologies, let me know if I should delete/move/what have you.

I have an older friend who knows I'm depressed and talks like she thinks I'm suicidal - checking in on me etc. The thing that annoys me about her is that she talks ALL the time about how as soon as her dogs and parents pass, she's going to Switzerland and ending it, she doesn't enjoy life and doesn't want to be around, she just doesn't want to do it to her parents or leave her dogs behind bc her husband hates the dogs.

She's retired and in her 60s, but what she doesn't appreciate about me is that I've not had a life worth living at ALL - why bother sticking around for another 30 years of misery? (She just keeps telling me I can off myself when I get "old enough" — wtf is the point of that?) Like, even her "boring retirement" life is easier than what I've been through. She's freaking out on me too much, offering to send me money, trying to intervene to find me work (which pissed me off, we work in different industries) - when by all appearances, she understands the fundamental feeling behind why I'm suicidal - not worth it anymore.

She's in the government so I also feel like she is going to send people to my house. She's a really "tough" person - was the only woman in her division in the 80s, stuff like that. I wish I could be honest with her about how shitty I Feel because she seems like someone who cares about me but I feel so ashamed by what a loser failure I am.

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. But do you guys ever get annoyed with how people will talk about suicide in the hypothetical but then immediately lose all sense when it's an actual consideration for someone in their life?

It sounds to me like maybe she just doesn't want to lose a friend. Or perhaps she feels that she would feel guilty if she were to "condone" a young person ending his/her life.

In any case, even suicidal people, and those who consider themselves to be "pro-choice" are susceptible to a sort of cognitive dissonance regarding suicide.

For instance, when I hear about a child or teenager who ends her life, it makes me sad, and I find myself wishing it could have been prevented. But what if that child was being molested by a family member or physically abused? Is it realistic to assume that that person will one day have a good life, and overcome her childhood trauma? Who am I to say?

 

[neveranyhope]

I think you're 100% right on about the cognitive dissonance. Even though I completely understand suicide and why people end their lives, it hurts me when I hear about others doing it (also, I always get jealous, which I hate). Being on this forum has been a help and a hindrance - I wish I could end everyone's pain and we could all go on to live. I know that's silly though, and for a lot of us, there's only one way out of the pain.

 

[TAW122]

I agree with the whole thing of cognitive dissonance. Humans are very emotional creatures and sometimes experiences can be overwhelming (when it gets personal, like someone they know IRL or even have some attachment to) and that overwhelming feeling overrides the rational part of their mind.

 

[uiop]

Cognitive dissonance is a perfect way to make sense of your situation. Your friend wants to end it, but she doesn't want you to die. Those are two contrary beliefs, and I completely understand where your friend is coming from.

I'm a druggie; aside from appearances, I do not care about myself or what happens to me. I yearn everyday that something will happen to me so that I won't have to take my own life. However, I try to help people out any way that I can - within reason - and make sure they are happy and are well taken care of because it pains my heart to see someone suffering on the inside. I obviously could not care less about myself, but I still have a moral compass that can distinguish between rational and irrational decisions.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

If this belongs in Offtopic, apologies, let me know if I should delete/move/what have you.

I have an older friend who knows I'm depressed and talks like she thinks I'm suicidal - checking in on me etc. The thing that annoys me about her is that she talks ALL the time about how as soon as her dogs and parents pass, she's going to Switzerland and ending it, she doesn't enjoy life and doesn't want to be around, she just doesn't want to do it to her parents or leave her dogs behind bc her husband hates the dogs.

She's retired and in her 60s, but what she doesn't appreciate about me is that I've not had a life worth living at ALL - why bother sticking around for another 30 years of misery? (She just keeps telling me I can off myself when I get "old enough" — wtf is the point of that?) Like, even her "boring retirement" life is easier than what I've been through. She's freaking out on me too much, offering to send me money, trying to intervene to find me work (which pissed me off, we work in different industries) - when by all appearances, she understands the fundamental feeling behind why I'm suicidal - not worth it anymore.

She's in the government so I also feel like she is going to send people to my house. She's a really "tough" person - was the only woman in her division in the 80s, stuff like that. I wish I could be honest with her about how shitty I Feel because she seems like someone who cares about me but I feel so ashamed by what a loser failure I am.

I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. But do you guys ever get annoyed with how people will talk about suicide in the hypothetical but then immediately lose all sense when it's an actual consideration for someone in their life?

Exactly what shadowoftheday said
I know both my best friend and sister have went through sucidal thoughts before and I know that I would never wish this on anybody. It's why even on this forum and despite my fundamental belief that as long as you have made serious efforts to bettering your life you have the right to end it, I still refuse to give advice to anybody on how to. I can't help it. Yes, it may be illogical but I find myself hoping that everybody but me can get better and find a life worth living. It's even harder when you know the person. Yes, we may understand these feelings but can you imagine how hard it must be to look into your best friends eyes and tell her them they can die if they want too?
I think that's why your friend is doing this. I find myself struggling to not tell my sister and best friend that if I find them in the afterlife I won't deck them on sight for ending it before there time