Story Talking about suicide prevents it more than toxic positivity

[Hollowillow]

Hi I'm new. English isn't my first language, sometimes my compliments are missunderstood as insults.

I'm not ready to tell my long reasons & ask for solutions to survive yet. (I did apparently)

I tried... I thought of suicide because my physical health is tortured, and everyone who promise help torture me mentally. I'm sick of being in agony, invalidated & abused. The movie idiocracy is a documentary.

It was extremely hard to find this forum, a place to be heard, understood & validated.

I want to die because I'm poisonned against my will (was mold, now is acid chemical vapors that I can't clean off everything I own & walls... Might be allergic too... Haaalp!) So I'd never use poison. Every cells is screaming in pain, my brain is a mess, I'm not me anymore...

I never managed to cut my wrist at 11 after sexual abuse, a cop calling me a liar & my mom telling me she never wanted me to be born. Auto erotic strangulation really did boost orgasms but never managed to kill me. So my favorite plan is to hang, but it's scary. It broke my heart that Robin Williams did it... But I understand not wanting to let your brain rot away into a zombie... I got hit by a car, but brain inflammation from allergies, toxins etc is the worst pain I ever had. I can't think of solutions, I can't be me, the pain makes me hysterical, people get mean.

Psychiatry still torture poisonned people like the mad hatters who had mercury poisonning... No detox, just invalidation, chemical straight jackets & chemical lobotomy. Control isn't help.

(The hotline I just called was useless)

It wasn't suicide hotlines or crisis centers or pro life positive people who discouraged me from hanging myself. It was someone here talking about how to do it, but that I could get (even more) brain damage or become a (helpless) vegetable if I fail. I didn't know that... And I will carefully consider it.

It's not even agony that makes me wish I was dead, it's the people invalidating it, me, my reality, my feelings, MY LIFE! If I am truly just insane, that my pain has no external cause, then I am the problem. And suicide is the only way to eliminate it.

No amount of antidepressants will ever make me happy to be gaslighted, assaulted, abused. I got beaten so hard I could barely walk for weeks, and while I was bleeding sitting on the ground, the cops thought I was the guilty one. Even the chief said that I deserve it. Just because a woman said no to a man...

There is definitely insane people, but I don't think it's me, or you. The level of reason & intelligence I saw here impressed me. I saw more compassion in someone explaining how to die than people demanding that I live.

The suicide hotline got mad when I tried to open my heart and say why I want to die. They said to only focus on the now, on the positive. The physical pain in the now was worse than death. I'm being killed by poison, denial won't save me!!! I need solutions! They shouldn't work with suicidal people if they want pink bubbles.

The crisis center kept saing to cheer myself doing fun stuff. But their list of hobbies made me realize that I'm a cripple unable to enjoy life.

Everyone saying I'd be selfish... That my family love me & would be sad... Are showing me that I'm an abandoned unloved child who won't be missed.

I cried for help like a wolf at the moon. I was mocked, told to shut up. Society let homeless people starve in the gutter... I cringe when I read "why did my loved one kill himself instead to tell me, I would have helped & cheered him up". No, you would have abandonned that no fun party tool. Maybe some wven killed themselved by being too devoted & neglecting their badic needs, got abused literally to death. Ignored when adked for the smallest favors. Until they burned out to death. They loved being served but if the dead person had spoken about their pain or even needs, maybe they would have left... Or invalidated the limits & put even more demands. Boundaries & telling people to go F off might save lives.

The people who promised to cheer me up assaulted me sexually when I was too sick to fight back... They're unable to understand why their fun was not fun for me too. Too condescending to let me choose for myself. Good intentions forced on someone who say "No it hurts" are still assault. But they thought they were doing me a favor, like saviors. Selfish jerk... off... away from me.

Telling me how to kill myself would be more kind & respectful than what my family, doctors & cops did.

Because it says "I hear you, respect you, and want to help the way you wish"

But if you know how to remove acid chemicals from clothes, floors, bath, sink & walls... I'd be grateful...

I'm tired to be allergic to life & be in the movie Idiocracy. But I'm stupid too...

I was given a second chance by a cheap housing. Taken out of a insalubrious home, put in a brand new luxury castle for cheap... I ruined it with chemicals that I'm hypersensitive to & or allergic. I can taste the floor and acid cleaner in my mouth everywhere I go. Lungs burn, skin peels, scared to go blind... But the hospital refuse to see beyond the distress... The very real pain... They mock it. Even when my head got hit by a car & I was bleeding... They said it was just iny head & abandonned me to die.

I am a misanthrope. I pray for a meteor or a plague. They can't even cure the flu type of viruses... No test to see if we were poisonned, allergies are rarely detected & found... But antidepressants are given like candy. Therapy is a training to stay in denial & be productive while not bothering others.

WE NEED SOLUTIONS & BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE!

Victim blaming, shaming. Because society is made by abusers, for abusers. A cage. Bureaucracy a rat maze to tire you out trying to get justice or what we need, so we won't riot.

Why are beaten women in refuges instead of their boyfriend in jail.

I hate being human.

I might find kin & solace here. And if I ever truly choose death, forced to by agony & abandonned to my death... I might learn how to not turn my life into a bigger hell by doing suicide right, thanks to this place. Death can be mercy.

As long as we talk about how... We're not actually doing it... But forcing me to bottle it would make me explode & do something worse. Imagine someone driving into a school bus instead of a wall to kill themselves because of a bad planned impulse...

Can we post suicide comics & memes?

I hope that I won't be banned soon. Mental support groups banned me for not being positive... I tried my hardest. It's never good enough. Even perfect they find lies to justify abusing you. Because they hate themselves too.

Thank you for letting me be a dark piece of broken glass.

Ground hog day was such a fun movie. I like when he tries to kill himself repeatedly. It gave me hope to flee hell as a child.

I wish I had a time machine... I'd punch my mom in the uterus. I think she got pregnant to force my dad to stay married out of guilt. It didn't work a 3rd time, so I was always a failure to her.

I'd tell my past self that it never got better. Never got worth it. Some days were fun. Just diamond dust vs a mountain of shit, most of it not my own... But mine too.

I can't forgive myself for ruining my new home. I can't trash everything I own & move into worse...

I had 3 crippling near death experience this year alone... Had to save myself all alone... abandonned by our glorified free health care... Free dope to make pharma rich with our taxes...

This time, if no one save my life... I hope that someone will teach me to die with dignity.

Everyone is miserable. So many way worse than me. Many exhausted, malnourished, abused... Like slaves for a handful of narc psychopaths...

Wanting out is sane.

Thanks

 

[CemetryGates]

Exactly my thoughts too, it's why I think stoicism helps alot for many.
I remember meeting someone who had depression too and said "yeah I know it's never going to go away it's a part of me I have to just keep the demons at bay"
I wanted to marry her I resonated with it so much.

 

[foreverfalling]

I'm sorry to hear your pain. Your feelings are perfectly valid, but the majority of people won't tell you that. You are strong for surviving what you have gone through, but it should be your choice if you want to go on or not, only you know yourself.

 

[Hollowillow]

Exactly my thoughts too, it's why I think stoicism helps alot for many.
I remember meeting someone who had depression too and said "yeah I know it's never going to go away it's a part of me I have to just keep the demons at bay"
I wanted to marry her I resonated with it so much.

Wow thank you. I edited it.

It breaks my heart when people believe psychiatry. No, depression isn't a disease, an inner demon.

It's our crying inner child. Begging for our needs. Tired, hungry for real vitamins & minerals (lack of c, b, magnesium can cause depression), abused...

It's our body's alarm to tell us our needs are not met or our limits are abused.

But psychiatry drug us to silence the alarm that society is wrong to treat us badly. Psychiatry called the black slaves who were trying to flee insane to not be grateful to their whipping raping masters...

Depression isn't a demon to be kept at bay. It's our inner infant crying for cares and loving hug.

But I understand your love & admiration for her self acceptance. But she was never her own ennemy. Just her own guide.

I struggled with anger. It wasn't a demon either. Just my survival instinct wishing to save me.

Thank you for the warm hello.

I'm sorry to hear your pain. Your feelings are perfectly valid, but the majority of people won't tell you that. You are strong for surviving what you have gone through, but it should be your choice if you want to go on or not, only you know yourself.

Thank you for the validation. I don't feel strong. But my survival instinct seems to be immortal. Psychiatry say that anxiety is the problem & I just need sedatives. But it's the adrenalin rushes that kept me alive. It's a superpower. I wonder if they are stupid or if they want to take our power away to dominate the "herd".

I'm tired to be forced to be strong.

Honestly I wish to live, but I feel like my whole body is in fire inside out, I can't take pain killers (they worsen the pain) I want to jump out... Like people in a burning building.

I wish for a more normal life... But I saw people with everything I thought I must have to be happy (job, lover, family, kids) wanting to die from the sheer exhaustion of trying to get it all...

I think human life is far from the best option... Society wants productivity not health...

Thanks, but I'd rather be one of the weaks who got instant death from what I endure everyday...

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you have been through and some people really are so cruel. None of us should ever have to endure such agony. I cannot stand toxic positivity personally, it's so unhelpful and invalidating. Telling people to be more positive wont take away any of the very real suffering that exists in this world.

 

[Hollowillow]

That sounds really horrible what you have been through and some people really are so cruel. None of us should ever have to endure such agony. I cannot stand toxic positivity personally, it's so unhelpful and invalidating. Telling people to be more positive wont take away any of the very real suffering that exists in this world.

So true, thank you for your kindness.

I wish the stages of grief were better. Society is stuck in denial by fear of change, not admitting their wrong, an insecure desire to control, and... Suffering is done on purpose... A handful exploit the masses & divide them with labels, making them hate each other, even themselve... So they won't unite & revolt against their opressors. When pedos are more organized with more solidarity than good people, mothers... We end up with shallow good intent. Just dreams in the wind.

The amish community can build a barn in 1 day. Imagine if unity was above profits. If creation was above consumption. If doctors were paid by healthy patients instead of bonuses for how much pills they prescribe...

I wanted to create a better world. I was told to pretend it's already perfect. I became jaded. But it's physical pain & shame that is getting to me.

Thank you for welcoming me. Loneliness is hard too. My friend doesn't hear me, doesn't understand. She just repeats the chores she'll do on a loop... Or her agenda... She's kind, but I feel more understood here. Thanks

 

[Astral Storm]

I am so sorry for you and the pain you had to endure.

Hotlines and the average prevention sites are really useless in my experience. They can't accept that someone is in horrible agony and want it to end. It's sickening to see how people disvalidate others suffering. Saying things to be more positive without any drop of compassion and understanding.

Talking freely about suicide should be encouraged as not talking about it only makes it worse. It really shouldn't be a taboo. Offering understanding and listening to others should be the solution but society just gives these insensitive answers.

 

[Hollowillow]

I am so sorry for you and the pain you had to endure.

Hotlines and the average prevention sites are really useless in my experience. They can't accept that someone is in horrible agony and want it to end. It's sickening to see how people disvalidate others suffering. Saying things to be more positive without any drop of compassion and understanding.

Talking freely about suicide should be encouraged as not talking about it only makes it worse. It really shouldn't be a taboo. Offering understanding and listening to others should be the solution but society just gives these insensitive answers.

Oh wow thank you, you really understand me & society's failing us. I long for compassion but the suicide hotline reads a script to know if they send the cops to lock us up or not ...
(insert it's a trap meme)

 

[WhatPowerIs]

I have found this forum to be a lot more of an honest outlet than the usual prevention websites with the same cliche lines. I know they're trying their best and doing what's expected of them, the compassionate thing I suppose, but nothing has helped. Beautifully written post from you.

 

[Hollowillow]

I have found this forum to be a lot more of an honest outlet than the usual prevention websites with the same cliche lines. I know they're trying their best and doing what's expected of them, the compassionate thing I suppose, but nothing has helped. Beautifully written post from you.

Wow thank you so much for the compliment. I git a warning today so I thought all my posts were harmful crap. Only some I guess...

Yeah... I think their goal & idea of help is based on control & what makes them feel better. So even the suicide hotline demanded positive. Denying my reality & needs. I needed to share darkness thank you