Talked with my psychiatrist and a college friend about suicidiality

[noname223]

My psychiatrist reacted very well. She took it serious and supports me to go to a clinic. My closest friends who know my suicide plans wanted that I share my suicidality with other people. I only admitted things which do not lead to involuntary hospitalisation. I am glad that she reacted that well..

However just 5 minutes ago...something slightly shocking happened. I have two close college friends. I had the feeling it is time to say to one of them that I struggle with suicidality. And well he sends me a 25 minutes voice message and wants to start a phone call with me. We talked 8 minutes on the phone and it was kind of awkward. I told him this is sort of an overeaction. Honestly this is one of the baddest reactions on my suicidality that I ever experienced. This despicable guy at an institution for people who struggle to work was way worse though. He more or less encouraged me to kill myself when I started crying.

I am already so sick to listen to that voice message. He very likely had vanilla teenager sadness/melancholia and compares that to my decade long severe persisting suicidality. Holy shit listening to that shit will be awful. He does not know shit about my problems. it is sort of solipsistic to compare his problem with mine despite the fact he does not know shit. And he is even aware of that.

I would have liked to go into detail to the appointment with my psychiatrist but damn the evening is ruined.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I told him this is sort of an overeaction. Honestly this is one of the baddest reactions on my suicidality that I ever experienced. This despicable guy at en institution for people who struggle to work was way worse though. He more or less encouraged me to kill myself when I started crying.

What a piece of trash friend that is, to goad you into ctbing when he should be understanding is the exact reason people who do have ideation or have plans in place prefer to remain quiet about it. I'm so sorry you went through, you definitely did not need to hear someone say the things he said at all.

 

[noname223]

What a piece of trash friend that is, to goad you into ctbing when he should be understanding is the exact reason people who do have ideation or have plans in place prefer to remain quiet about it. I'm so sorry you went through, you definitely did not need to hear someone say the things he said at all.

I could have played bullshit bingo while listening to it. I listened to it in double speed. I don't know what to answer. Gladly I am not really sensitive in this instance. I have had some positive experiences with opening about my suicidality with my closest friends. I think this is the difference to many here in this forum. This is probably the reason why I am still willing to share it.

If you open up to some in your life there will be here and there some gems. At least in my experience maybe that is an exception. In my bipolar self-help group I had to hear horrible takes which hurt me. But there was this bipolar family dad who also plans to kill himself. And this exchange felt great to me because I could relate so so much. And to meet someone like that in real life was special. The other compliment him for his joie de vivre while I am the only one who is aware of his living hell. And this is an honor to me.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I could have played bullshit bingo while listening to it. I listened to it in double speed. I don't know what to answer. Gladly I am not really sensitive in this instance. I have had some positive experiences with opening about my suicidality with my closest friends. I think this is the difference to many here in this forum. This is probably the reason why I am still willing to share it.

I suppose bullshit bingo means a lot of the pro-life platitudes that you immediately recognized. I'd call bullshit out too when I hear it.

On the plus side, having positive experiences like that is worth a lot and can be something to build on especially if it's with people you are close to, I hope things get better for you.

If you open up to some in your life there will be here and there some gems. At least in my experience maybe that is an exception.

Yeah, it's a toss of the coin honestly, all about how fortunate you get in that regard.

But there was this bipolar family dad who also plans to kill himself. And this exhange felt great to me because I could relate so so much. And to meet someone like that in real life was special. The other compliment him for his joie de vivre while I am the only one who is aware of his living hell. And this is an honor to me.

Meeting someone who relates to you on that level must've brought a great amount of relief, that you aren't on your own especially in real life.

 

[untothedepths]

That's awful OP, I've dealt with reactions like that too. Some people genuinely have no empathy, not even a smidge. People who are aggressive and rude to others with these thoughts don't deserve a space in your life, especially if it sounds like you are reaching out for help.

 

[noname223]

I suppose bullshit bingo means a lot of the pro-life platitudes that you immediately recognized. I'd call bullshit out too when I hear it.

On the plus side, having positive experiences like that is worth a lot and can be something to build on especially if it's with people you are close to, I hope things get better for you.

Yeah, it's a toss of the coin honestly, all about how fortunate you get in that regard.

Meeting someone who relates to you on that level must've brought a great amount of relief, that you aren't on your own especially in real life.

It was not particular pro-life. It was rather like pretending to know shit. The struggle. He sounded like self-diagnosing himself with so much bullshit. He even said he felt like he had multiple personalities despite the fact he is just completely normal and healthy. It was ridiculus. However I am not really offended. I don't take it very serious. And say something like "Ok boomer" inside my head and go on with my life. He is younger than me (and not a boomer): Whatever. It did not hurt me really. He is just immature and does not know shit. I am very well aware that most average people don't know shit about what it feels to be suicidal. And imagine their struggel is comparable. It is rather annoyance. I expected worse. I thought it would be very pro-life. But it was not that particular pro-life. But also some platitudes. On one or two points he might had a point. I feared worse. Whatever.

I think after my psychiatrist acted that well I might have been too optimistic. Lol.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

It was rather like pretending to know shit. The struggle. He sounded like self-diagnosing himself with so much bullshit. He even said he felt like he had multiple personalities despite the fact he is just completely normal and healthy. It was ridiculus

Oh I see, still it's rather disingenuous of him to have done that at your expense, he had no reason to do that at all when all you wanted was to be heard.

He is just immature and does not know shit. I am very well aware that most average people don't know shit about what it feels to be suicidal. And imagine their struggl is comparable

Definitely sounds like he is, I suppose they feel like their struggle is comparable in an effort to relate to you, rarely does it ever come off as they believe and many still remain ignorant to what it's like to be here, to constantly think about ctb, let alone the effort and strength demanded of us to plan it out in secret, behind forced smiles.

I think after my psychiatrist acted that well I might have been too optimistic. Lol.

Yeah, sometimes, you need to be careful with getting too ahead of yourself with discussing this.