Talk About Dating App Experiences

[Sulyya]

Which have you used, what have your experiences been like? Any weird stories?

Curious to hear about it from guys, women and anyone else.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm a guy. Since 2019 I've been on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, PlentyofFish, OkCupid, Facebook Dating, MeetMe, and Boo. I've only ever gotten a few sparse matches on Tinder but they have never led to an in person date, I just had a few conversations that don't really go much anywhere.

A lot of times women have only swiped right on me due to my height alone (6 feet) but they quickly pull back once they see other things about me I guess. One woman told me that never having been in a relationship before at 26 was an actual red flag and I couldn't disagree with her especially since I'm 30 now and still have no such experience. During Covid I matched with a lady who was a nurse but refused to get the vaccine. I was intrigued by this but after she explained why she didn't believe in it the conversation didn't really have anywhere to go from there. Another woman lost interest in me when I told her I'm not Korean and that I'm of Chinese/Taiwanese ancestry.

These days I haven't been using much of the apps at all. Occasionally I check Bumble but now even when I see someone who looks attractive I just get anxious and close the app.

 

[noname223]

I have posted many threads about this topic. Today I had a match with a pretty good looking woman (also my type) who wanted to have "fun" with me. I was a little bit irritated and maybe one of my messages were bad but she did not respond anymore after my fourth message. I would give it an 80% chance she was a bot. I might find out when her profile vanishes. My friends said she looked arrogant.

I did not want a one-night-stand with her anyway. I am way too insecure for that.

I barely get matches though. After I changed my outer appearance and shot new pics I have a little bit more of success. Not sure if bots though.

 

[derpyderpins]

On the male side of things, my experience was almost entirely negative. At least 750+ swipes with no dates or anything, and only a handful of messages exchanged. Not to sound arrogant, but nothing about my profile should've been a red flag: lawyer, 6 feet tall, independent, range of hobbies, pretty decent looking, athletic frame . . . and it was like I was the most useless piece of trash there was, lol. What else do you do? You just feel broken. All day, seeing pictures of these women and thinking "maybe..." just to never hear anything. Or they do match and just never answer your messages... that one might be worse. Different apps: hookup, long term, etc., same experience. You start naturally feeling completely inferior as a being.

It was the first time I had been single since early undergrad, and it completely turned me off of dating. I really wanted to do like they used to in the good old days: meeting someone for coffee/dinner/drink without much pressure. Could do that with a few people, not looking for hookups or anything, just to get to know them and get a feel for interacting with different types of people. Then, you follow up with someone you really hit it off with to go on a second. Doesn't that sound nice?

No. Even if you manage to get one woman out of literal hundreds to respond to your first message, probably with just "hey", there is all this pressure. You gotta nail it, or you'll get tossed back in the trash can.

It is really, really bad for your brain, imo. Gives you this natural reaction to people like your existence is a burden to them, and every word out of your mouth you're worried about ruining the relationship - not by messing up, but by simply not being good enough to stand out. Because, average or above average might as well just rot away.

But, then I did get one date and we're getting hitched so ... I guess I can't complain too much. She's incredible, and I got very lucky. But boy when we were going out for like the 4th date and decided to be exclusive I was happy to erase that cancer from my phone.

 

[imissmycat]

I'm a guy. I met 2 women on Tinder during uni many years ago. I didn't show my face, just used a funny picture. It attracted the right kind of girls I guess. Went on one date with each of them.

First was literally my first date and first time meeting a woman outside of classrooms or the workplace. It was boring. Language barrier and nothing to talk about. Helped to build a tiny bit of confidence though.

Second one was really fun and I still fondly remember that one date (still one of a handful I've ever been on.) We spent the whole day together. Walked all around her city (major city in another country.) Endless things to talk about. I was so excited. When I got home I couldn't stop writing to her, she got annoyed. I blew it by being too excited and talking too much.

After that my next date was 4 years later. I didn't use dating sites to meet those women, and I never will again.

I strongly recommend, if you are male, to stop using dating apps and dating sites completely, unless you are already having success (extremely attractive). I've seen average guys swiping for months and getting one measly date. Bragging about some hookup they had a year ago. It's pathetic and surely hard for them.

Try to meet women literally anywhere else. Social media apps are much better than dating apps if you're a guy. Also "work on yourself" i.e. do something other than gaming or watching TV.

Let's face it - and yes I have had girlfriends - Tinder is an all-you-can-eat free ice cream buffet for most women. For most guys it's more akin to being a piss-smelling beggar in a dead-end alley.

I get that young guys wanna "get laid" because they heard about it, saw it in movies, whatever. I just don't think that's gonna happen for a huge chunk of guys, and if you're merely average, you're not gonna get "hot chix" begging you to F them on Tinder. If you want something serious, like I said, look elsewhere.

 

[NumbItAll]

I'm a guy and my experience has been basically the same as others here. I miraculously had a successful match in 2019 but that was a fluke and it's been downhill since then. It's been years since I met anyone new. I put tons of effort into my pictures, bio, and messages, but it doesn't really matter. On the rare occasion I get a match, the other person is usually cold, sterile, and disinterested. Not like there's any other way to meet people though. Overall it has made me realize how completely worthless and unwanted I am.

 

[imissmycat]

I'm a guy and my experience has been basically the same as others here. I miraculously had a successful match in 2019 but that was a fluke and it's been downhill since then. It's been years since I met anyone new. I put tons of effort into my pictures, bio, and messages, but it doesn't really matter. On the rare occasion I get a match, the other person is usually cold, sterile, and disinterested. Not like there's any other way to meet people though. Overall it has made me realize how completely worthless and unwanted I am.

Exactly what I was talking about in my too-long reply above.

I see so many guys like you putting so much effort. Asking for advice on Reddit. Swiping every day for years. Spending years, reading guides, looking at coaching videos, and then you reminisce about that one girl ten years ago who kinda replied.

Tinder will suck what little life you have left in you, out of you. It will make you feel worthless even if you aren't. Delete it now guys. Go to the gym, slim down if you think you need it, find a hobby. (I say this while lying on the sofa after struggling to put pants on today.)

 

[NumbItAll]

Exactly what I was talking about in my too-long reply above.

I see so many guys like you putting so much effort. Asking for advice on Reddit. Swiping every day for years. Spending years, reading guides, looking at coaching videos, and then you reminisce about that one girl ten years ago who kinda replied.

Tinder will suck what little life you have left in you, out of you. It will make you feel worthless even if you aren't. Delete it now guys. Go to the gym, slim down if you think you need it, find a hobby. (I say this while lying on the sofa after struggling to put pants on today.)

There really aren't any options for me to meet people irl though. I'm a shy introvert and a bar/club is like a nightmare scenario for me. My hobbies are things that girls typically aren't interested in. I'm already fit too and put substantial effort into my appearance. Conclusion: I'm worthless

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's always "just meet girls in bars and cafes" until one actually tries and they're either with a big group of friends that shows they're not interested or even if they're alone they still don't actually want to be approached anyway which they have every right not to be.

I haven't actually tried but I don't intend on going to jail or getting my life ruined by this.

And then that's when people go "So? Just keep trying then." But then I'd just be that guy who hangs out at bars and other social places waiting solely to pick up women like some kind of creep.

 

[derpyderpins]

It's always "just meet girls in bars and cafes" until one actually tries and they're either with a big group of friends that shows they're not interested or even if they're alone they still don't actually want to be approached anyway which they have every right not to be.

I haven't actually tried but I don't intend on going to jail or getting my life ruined by this.

It's so different both in this time period and at our age. The funny thing is I was in this long distance relationship throughout law school but girls actually hit on ME at bars. I swear part of it was that they didn't smell the stink of a desperate single person. But there's also something when you're in those early 20s and you know most people around you are in a similar situation that makes it more comfortable. I know I could've picked up plenty of women then. Hell I'd dance, drink, and play games with women then who I could tell were interested but I'd be sure to mention I had a girlfriend. God, I we should've broken up way earlier. Although, yeah, I'm happy with how things worked out for me but still, wasted years.

But yeah, later on when I was on the dating apps I also went to bars. I lived in a cool place. I could walk to "cool" bars from my apartment. There was none of that spark available. I could tell there were 'don't approach' signals up all over the place.

 

[NumbItAll]

It's always "just meet girls in bars and cafes" until one actually tries and they're either with a big group of friends that shows they're not interested or even if they're alone they still don't actually want to be approached anyway which they have every right not to be.

I haven't actually tried but I don't intend on going to jail or getting my life ruined by this.

And then that's when people go "So? Just keep trying then." But then I'd just be that guy who hangs out at bars and other social places waiting solely to pick up women like some kind of creep.

Exactly, there's no way to win other than to get extremely lucky. It shouldn't be such a monumental task just to spark a connection with someone.

 

[astr4]

i'm a woman, and i hate dating apps. i only used tinder for hookups when i was younger, but i think ultimately i'm not interested in an immediate romantic/sexual connection so i'm not built for dating apps.

i pretty much only date people i've been friends with for a while. otherwise how can i be confident they actually value me as a person, and not just what i have to offer them? it's just easier to filter through people who only like you because you're pretty but have no interest in what you have to say.

 

[Sulyya]

Well, not surprised at any of the replies so far. As a guy, Bumble was my only real investment into these and I spent lots of money to be able to send messages and almost never matched. As someone else said, women will match then ignore you.

The only times I've flirted in person with a stranger it was humiliating so it feels like I'm stuck with them.

 

[Proteus]

I see so many guys like you putting so much effort. Asking for advice on Reddit. Swiping every day for years. Spending years, reading guides, looking at coaching videos, and then you reminisce about that one girl ten years ago who kinda replied.

Tinder will suck what little life you have left in you, out of you. It will make you feel worthless even if you aren't. Delete it now guys. Go to the gym, slim down if you think you need it, find a hobby. (I say this while lying on the sofa after struggling to put pants on today.)

The best comment. Please, listen them.

I can't relate at all, but I can imagine how exhausting it must be to live solely to grind. Instead of enjoying them, which is the goal, you turn it into a chore most people end up hating. It's stupid.

There's nothing useful in a dating app. Go outside, please. Those apps are more unnatural than anything. If you truly can't find anyone, entertain yourself, ruminating is the absolute worst thing you can do. Find something actually fun, or at least, less tedious.

It's always "just meet girls in bars and cafes" until one actually tries and they're either with a big group of friends that shows they're not interested or even if they're alone they still don't actually want to be approached anyway which they have every right not to be.

This would be valid if dating apps were a solution to anything. They're not. At best, you will have the exact same problem.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

This would be valid if dating apps were a solution to anything. They're not. At best, you will have the exact same problem.

I'm not crazy about the apps either, in fact my experience that I posted earlier indicates exactly how much of a failure they are.

I just think the notion that the alternative is so much easier just isn't true, least not these days. Literally the only solution seems to be to just be extraordinarily lucky. Might as well ask someone who's homeless to just keep playing the lottery.

 

[astr4]

I'm not crazy about the apps either, in fact my experience that I posted earlier indicates exactly how much of a failure they are.

I just think the notion that the alternative is so much easier just isn't true, least not these days. Literally the only solution seems to be to just be extraordinarily lucky. Might as well ask someone who's homeless to just keep playing the lottery.

so then why keep playing the lottery? why not get a stable job where money happens to appear regularly? (get a hobby or join a club)

i guess i don't really understand looking specifically for a romantic relationship. why not let these things fall into place over time?

 

[Nobody Special]

POF used to be awesome, guys. You would get free messages. Now you only get one message a day.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

so then why keep playing the lottery? why not get a stable job where money happens to appear regularly? (get a hobby or join a club)

i guess i don't really understand looking specifically for a romantic relationship. why not let these things fall into place over time?

I have a job, thanks. No hobby or club that I'm interested ever seems to have interested girls in them and getting into a hobby just for them seems just as creepy as hanging out at the bar.

And waiting for them to fall into place relies on luck which as I said is the only real factor required.

 

[astr4]

I have a job, thanks. No hobby or club that I'm interested ever seems to have interested girls in them and getting into a hobby just for them seems just as creepy as hanging out at the bar.

And waiting for them to fall into place relies on luck which as I said is the only real factor required.

sorry i was unclear, by "get a job" it was a metaphor for the whole winning the lottery thing. not saying to get a hobby specifically for a woman, but just focus on improving yourself and yeah let luck take care of you, no?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

sorry i was unclear, by "get a job" it was a metaphor for the whole winning the lottery thing. not saying to get a hobby specifically for a woman, but just focus on improving yourself and yeah let luck take care of you, no?

It's a nice yet common sentiment, but I just happen to be one of those absolute fucking idiots who can't even begin to bother to care about improving myself unless I already have someone else to improve for. Solid advice for anyone with at least half a brain though.

 

[lamargue]

i've always avoided the redpill idea of manufacturing attractive qualities to fit the so-called arbitrary tastes of women, which i think a lot of us are implicitly taught to do (dating advice, coaching, meeting standards of adequacy, etc.)
i've used dating apps out of vanity. i get likes pretty consistently, yet seldom any matches. if i were a moron i'd blame women, but the fact of the matter is my standards are perhaps equally as high. but maybe i set such a high bar for myself because i fear interaction of any sort. i remember getting a match on bumble within a day with her messaging me first and proceeding to delete the app almost reflexively. it kind of woke me up to the notion that there is a person out there for anyone, and that you just have to find them naturally. you have to put in a consistent effort in order to find someone, and if you don't then you probably won't
now i'm sort of a noncomformist. that probably provides me with more comfort than the alternative. i would probably even consider myself a learnt aromantic at this point

 

[Cinnamorolls]

It's pretty horrific from the female side. An unending barrage of sexual harassment, fetishization and objectification, no matter how clear you make it on your profile that you only want a serious relationship. Digging through endless pornsick trash for the distant possibility of finding one decent-ish man becomes less and less worth the effort as time goes on, hence why so many women just jump ship on these apps (Tinder's userbase is reportedly 80% male and other apps have similar stats).

I'm a guy. Since 2019 I've been on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, PlentyofFish, OkCupid, Facebook Dating, MeetMe, and Boo. I've only ever gotten a few sparse matches on Tinder but they have never led to an in person date, I just had a few conversations that don't really go much anywhere.

With all due respect hun, you're using a slew of apps full of white people looking for other white people (and even most of the nonwhites there will be looking for whites too) so your results are not unexpected. This has been proven through numerous studies and stats on the subject - nonwhite men, especially Asian men, do not have a fun time on these apps. Check out ones like Tantan and 2RedBeans instead. Everyone there is specifically looking for Chinese men so you'll automatically be in demand and I think you will get way more matches on those than you ever have elsewhere.

 

[lamargue]

It's pretty horrific from the female side. An unending barrage of sexual harassment, fetishization and objectification, no matter how clear you make it on your profile that you only want a serious relationship. Digging through endless pornsick trash for the distant possibility of finding one decent-ish man becomes less and less worth the effort as time goes on, hence why so many women just jump ship on these apps (Tinder's userbase is reportedly 80% male and other apps have similar stats).


With all due respect hun, you're using a slew of apps full of white people looking for other white people (and even most of the nonwhites there will be looking for whites too) so your results are not unexpected. This has been proven through numerous studies and stats on the subject - nonwhite men, especially Asian men, do not have a fun time on these apps. Check out ones like Tantan and 2RedBeans instead. Everyone there is specifically looking for Chinese men so you'll automatically be in demand and I think you will get way more matches on those than you ever have elsewhere.

even hinge? most asian guys i know with girlfriends were matched on hinge. and from what i've seen there are far more asian girls than white on it
could you link these studies? might be an interesting read jfl

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

With all due respect hun, you're using a slew of apps full of white people looking for other white people (and even most of the nonwhites there will be looking for whites too) so your results are not unexpected. This has been proven through numerous studies and stats on the subject - nonwhite men, especially Asian men, do not have a fun time on these apps. Check out ones like Tantan and 2RedBeans instead. Everyone there is specifically looking for Chinese men so you'll automatically be in demand and I think you will get way more matches on those than you ever have elsewhere.

I think Coffee Meets Bagel was started by an Indian guy and my sister swears that Hinge is really easy to get matches on (but Tbf she's an Asian girl so she'd get matches anywhere) but you're probably right about the other apps.

I'll try those other ones you said though I feel like compared to other East Asian dudes I still fall short (not literally at least) due to being in a blue collar job and not even being able to speak or read or write in Mandarin.

 

[Cinnamorolls]

even hinge? most asian guys i know with girlfriends were matched on hinge. and from what i've seen there are far more asian girls than white on it
could you link these studies? might be an interesting read jfl

Here and here and here... there's too many to link, really. If you Google "race on dating apps" you will see many more.

I'll try those other ones you said though I feel like compared to other East Asian dudes I still fall short (not literally at least) due to being in a blue collar job and not even being able to speak or read or write in Mandarin.

Worth a try regardless. You could use the latter as a bonding point, actually. Tell the girls you hope they'll teach you some Mandarin because you want to reconnect with your cultural roots and stuff. Lots of people get excited at being the more knowledgeable one and having the opportunity to teach others.

 

[lamargue]

Here and here and here... there's too many to link, really. If you Google "race on dating apps" you will see many more.


Worth a try regardless. You could use the latter as a bonding point, actually. Tell the girls you hope they'll teach you some Mandarin because you want to reconnect with your cultural roots and stuff. Lots of people get excited at being the more knowledgeable one and having the opportunity to teach others.

first two articles are pretty informative. last one is pretty bad.
i think that you can do pretty well regardless of your race depending on your pheno/build, etc
surprised that black men often suffer the most, according to the second study. in physical spaces, black men tend to do very well (such as in clubs), hence why we have the term 'snow bunnies', which is a fairly common term where i'm from

 

[astr4]

first two articles are pretty informative. last one is pretty bad.
i think that you can do pretty well regardless of your race depending on your pheno/build, etc
surprised that black men often suffer the most, according to the second study. in physical spaces, black men tend to do very well (such as in clubs), hence why we have the term 'snow bunnies', which is a fairly common term where i'm from

i think location also has a lot to do with it. if you're somewhere super diverse you'll probably have better luck than like some small town where they'll either fetishize you or look at you like some oddity.

 

[imissmycat]

I'm not crazy about the apps either, in fact my experience that I posted earlier indicates exactly how much of a failure they are.

I just think the notion that the alternative is so much easier just isn't true, least not these days. Literally the only solution seems to be to just be extraordinarily lucky. Might as well ask someone who's homeless to just keep playing the lottery.

I don't think that "the alternative", by which you mean clubs and bars, is easier at all. I've seen studies showing that young people go to bars and clubs less than in previous generations. They also have less sex, unbelievable as that may sound. To me personally, clubs would be more difficult than dating apps. But I use neither.

Finding a girlfriend or getting laid does not have two options (Tinder vs clubs). There are more options, that's what they're trying to tell you, I think.

Forget about "finding a girl". First of all delete the dating apps and stop thinking about it. Seriously. If you're single-mindedly chasing girls and have no other intentions or goals, I think it will be obvious to the women you talk to.

Have you ever had an online female friend?

 

[Proteus]

Can we all just agree dating apps are literally a crime against humanity, that they breed harassment, that almost everyone has a shitty time regardless of gender, and we should burn them all? Thanks. :)

 

[AmericanMary]

Once I met a man off tinder. Our like 4th date turned into a police raid

I've met some shitty people off tinder, but I've had a decent experience. "Dick on demand" is how I phrase it. For years, I could jump on tinder and be in someone's bed in an hour.

I don't want to do anything but have sexy time when I meet someone from tinder. So I like the idea of coming over, doing the things, and never talking again.

Horrible for real relationships imo.


The gay dating app also great to meet plugs <3