Story Taken Advantage Of, Being Dragged Along and Lied To

[lionetta12]

Hi all,

I apologize if this ends up being long to read.

I've had some issues recently with 3 exes of mine (1 which I thought was still my partner technically? But I guess not). It seems like the main problem is that all 3 of them have talked to me, pursued me and tried to stay in touch just for the purpose of taking advantage of me either financially, emotionally, mentally and/or sexually.

The first one is the person I was with when I was underaged who is 10 years older than me. I spent many years with them, 5 or so, because I was under the belief that we both wanted marriage, a house and kids. A typical traditional stable "boring life". None of that ever happened with him, I still don't know why and I'll never get an answer.

He randomly asked me for my help a few days ago because they were risking homelessness because they might lose their job soon. Despite the betrayals he has done against me like lying and cheating during our relationship, I said I can help because I don't want anyone to become homeless or risk that as I've been homeless myself once, when I was with him actually and I do recall that he did not really help me for whatever reason. I don't want anyone to lose their job and income. I also don't hold any grudge towards what happened any longer years ago with him.

Yesterday I get told by him that his new partner wanted to exploit me and my knowledge, business connections and network, maybe even possibly my money too. I started feeling unwell after the talk because I felt like I'm being used and manipulated. I also got told that this new partner is the person that was the reason that I had to end our relationship and cut contact, I was not aware that it was that same person. I explained that I do no longer want any part of it or to help because I don't want to be used in the same way I was during our relationship years ago and I don't want to be involved in the possible breakup between them if they do become homeless or/and jobless. He also mentioned some inappropiate sexual sentances to me and I did not want to hear that either from him.

The second guy is the rebound relation from after the relationship that is mentioned above. We have had a relation 3 times over the past years. He's been asking me lately for a relationship with me, for marriage and for children. But also asking me a lot for money, food, booze, sex, help to find a job, etc. I tried to help them a few times years ago, but it always just proved to me that they are taking advantage of people, including me so I have declined helping them for a couple years now. I have said no to everything they asked me for and I had to explain why extensively this week to make them stop asking and to be left alone which made them upset and try to manipulate me further. When I explained yet again that I'm not interested, that resulted in crazy insults and attacks on everything from my appearance to my personality from them.

My third and most recent relationship was the biggest shock of the week. I have been open to all my friends and exes about this relationship and how much I care about this person and that I'm not going to abandon them or give up on them. Everyone has had understanding, acceptance and respect for my decision with this, something I am thankful for.

This person was in a car crash last year, they almost became homeless before Christmas, they struggle with suicidal thoughts, they don't really have anyone, their family situation is similar to mine, and we share the same trauma and experiences in life. All of this has given me a lot of affection, care, unconditional love and understanding for them. I forgive them easily as a result and I have so much faith in them and that they can recover from their hardships and be successful in life.

It is then so extremely painful for me to wake up today and find out that I have been lied to since July possibly, by the person I care about the most and by someone I was trusting and putting all my good faith into.

I've been asked for food, money, car parts and for a car by this person throughout these months. But today I find out that they had another partner this entire time, when they had told me that they have nobody and that no one is helping them. I have felt so much guilt, shame, worries, anxiety and pain for over half a year, because I believed in them. I have spent half a year reassuring this person that I would not abandon them or hurt them during this difficult time in their life, that they are not alone. I have spent countless hours trying to keep them from possible irrational suicide attempts or hurting themselves. I have done everything they asked of me. I have given so much advice on how they can solve the situations they said they were in and how to fix what they had to fix and even offer help to achieve that.

All just to find out that they had another partner, 3 places to stay at and several new cars to use. I feel sad that I have neglected my mental health for half a year because I genuinly thought they were struggling more than me mentally and that they truly had nobody and nothing anymore, something that I can relate to and that made me extra worried. I did not burden them or speak to them about any of my struggles or my own emotions for months, because I was so concerned with them being overwhelmed and at the edge of harming themselves possibly. I don't know why someone would lie about this for half a year to me. I guess I now know where some of my money went last month when I was trying to help them avoid becoming homeless and when I didn't want them to starve. I don't know why they have talked to me or kept me around. I don't know. I guess in this situation I have mainly been taken advantage of emotionally, mentally and for my empathy and all the unconditional attention I give.

I lost our child, I thought I was going to lose him to a car crash last year and then on top of that I have been worrying sick about losing him to suicide for half a year. I just wanted honesty and I asked for that monthly, I had to find out the truth with my own eyes and see things that I never wished to see, but that some of my own friends had seen months prior and were too scared to tell me about because they did not want to make me suicide.

I just wish someone actually cared and that I could stop being used. I wish people would stop lying to me about strange things. I wish I could get the same nice treatment and respect that everyone else in their life gets from them, because I never did. I just don't see a point anymore if this is how the rest of my life is going to be. I don't want to keep being mistreated. I have tried to be optimistic and positive about life, but all the trauma, pain, the issues people are causing me and the abuse that continues, it feels too much for me to handle.

 

[Ezpz0109]

Hey there, i am just… sorry, i'm so sorry you had to go through all that. A big hug to you. I hope things get better for you, if not i hope you find the peace and calm that you deserve one way or the other.

 

[idelttoilfsadness21]

I am in the same spot and have been as you.

I wish to share I was almost done reading until I had to spot midway around this paragraph 10 and 11 >​

10 - All just to find out that they were actually fine this entire time, had a partner, 3 places to stay at and several new cars to use. I feel sad that I have neglected my mental health for half a year because I genuinly thought they were worse off than me mentally and that they truly had nobody and nothing anymore. I did not burden them or speak to them about any of my struggles or my own emotions, because I was so concerned with them being overwhelmed and at the edge of harming themselves possibly for months now. I don't know why someone would lie about this actively every day for half a year to me. I guess I now know where half of my 300 euros/dollars went last month when I was trying to help them avoid becoming homeless and when I didn't want them to starve. I don't know why they have talked to me when they have a relationship. I don't know. I guess in this situation I have mainly been taken advantage of emotionally, mentally and for my empathy and all the unconditional attention I give.

11 - I lost our child, I thought I was going to lose him to a car crash last year and then on top of that I have been worrying sick about losing him to suicide for half a year. I just wanted honesty and I asked for that monthly, I had to find out the truth with my own eyes and see things that I never wished to see, but that some of my own friends had seen months prior and were too scared to tell me about because they did not want to make me suicide.

First, I wish to deeply apologize for everything you have gone through... I had stopped reading because most of your story reminds me of my own and how often I was broken in life, and I will share what I learned and how I detected, and somehow how I learned to heal, but yet not fully completely when I was on my own to deal with these circumstances.
​

I want to equally pay my respects to your lost child you has died, and am so sick and frustrated of the men in this world who would still take advantage of weak individuals especially broken women in this manner after our losses.
​

1. Guilt Tripping Manipulation Tactics​

To note if you may be subjected to this, I often times — when I had delt with that — had to recognize, even though I am bad at it still, the character of the person first, and not the history, because a lot about a person is brought up by how they treat you, if they respect your boundaries, and if you believe they are deserving for such things, asked them to show them if they really care about you. I delt with this, and learned the hard ways nd even though I believe they were in similar circumstances, those people stay in their filfth, wasting away in their own baggage, bringing you down, because they know you will be attached to them to need them, and vulnerability when you have no one hurts, and why I share this that you will be dealign with this and to combat this, you have to stay strong, and if you don't have that naturally, self isolate until you can, as this has helped me when I recognized countlessly I was dealing with leaches...

And you have to think fully who the person was that you feel like the blindspots made more sense for you to act vastly, and if you have no knowledge of this, it's actually, because sadly, it's not easy... Life is deeply hard to predict

2. Emotional Abuse and Being Use

To add onto this, you will deal with people abusing your circumstances by what you share or have a history with someone by. If you have a loving heart, people will abuse it and take from you, use you to create their own vessel of hurt, and will equally place you as the problem, because they have a mentally that believe you have to break everyone or you get hurt, and people believe kind people are popular or too good for their own good and don't believe we exist, and they break us further. If you deal with someone who does this to you, you must have fond boundaries to protect yourself from people who will destroy you further, and if you feel like you are used, equally recognize — still struggle with this — ghost them, don't explain, as it just makes them put much more of a target for them to believe you don't care about them enough by you vocalizing it as your actions is through your words that they believe, as they don't recognize a good character by your actions but by your own words, and this is with everyone in this pathetic world, or them not caring about you to control you in your problems, especially when they can do whatever you deem fit, as you don't owe anyone your life or your ties

3. Vulnerability and Displaying Good Judgement

You had shared that this is something that made those people attracted to you and how you had both a rebound another exes with a past similar past, and each one came from a state of constant connection of the same problem or thing you still face because of homelessness, and I wish to share bring my sincerest apologies for what you went through, as I know I delt with a similar fear and problem, and was at the height of vulnerability that I let anyone trample me, and it started with someone needing access for money, and that was the problem I faced, because I felt worthless, not good enough, and was afraid and felt they would take care of me... It is not fair we have to deal with people who does this to us, and in many ways, you deserved the protection you had, and I want to share a knew a person from the homeless shelter Iw as in, I felt she wasn't a great person, but I ignored it a year later out of desperation, and now, my EBt is low, and I won't have enough food, because I had helped a fake person, and she didn't help me, and I am saying, think about anyone would do that for you, give you the support, and do anything out of their way for you... It's not even about trust or knowing the person but the facts if people understand you enough, because I spent $104 more dollars this month and someone I knew last month because we were similar and she was dying, only to find out she wasn't as genuine, despite us sharing much things and given me the time and not wanting to make me feel left out, but people would do whatever to manipulate your vulnerabilities and deploy overshadow your heart, and that in itself isn't fear to you or to me or any who have faced those circumstances, especially with my pastand dealing with someone who made me spend over $1100 and manipulated me and pressured me and made me feel constant stress, even though it was how she felt around me because I was the bad guy because I was wrapped up in so much emotions all while gaslighting me for buying things for myself the only two time sI could as I never had before, and I am saying don't be around people who don't give you the time of day and place so much love to nurturing yourself and to now recognize that and to step back from all those who will get in your way of your self love and confidence, and if you don't have it right now, it's a long journey, and I truly once more, am so sorry this world has done this to each of us.

Hope this has helped.

Sorry if this was very long

 

[lionetta12]

Hey there, i am just… sorry, i'm so sorry you had to go through all that. A big hug to you. I hope things get better for you, if not i hope you find the peace and calm that you deserve one way or the other.

Thank you, I'm trying to lay a new CTB plan. The originally plan got postponed in December due to other people being weird and unpredictable, it made my original plan impossible to excecute before Christmas.