Take SN outdoors or at home?

[SadBlueLemon]

Turns out I can't afford a hotel room which was my plan A. My other options are to do it somewhere outside that's reasonably remote or to do it at the place where I'm currently staying.

Outside it would be rather cold and wet and not the most pleasant environment this time of year (I'm in northern Europe). Another concern is being found. I'm not overly worried about that because it'd be a location outside of the city, a random spot somewhere in nature that's not too close to anyone's home but not crazy far from any housing either. A random dog walker might find me, but at 1am on Saturday... unlikely, but I guess not impossible. I could be all alone though, away from the city, from everyone and everything and I kinda like the idea of that.

The other option is the place where I'm currently staying. It was my late grandmother's home, been here since February but now it belongs to my aunt and she and my mom are coming to clear it out on Saturday. I'd have ~12h between the attempt and them arriving so I'd be dead by the time they get here, but I don't want them to be the ones to find my body. I could send a delayed email/text to emergency services or the police but I'm not sure how long it would take them to react. Plus, it's a big apartment building and they'd have to literally break in so there'd be quite the scene... Also, the way I ended up here and the shitty relations I have with my family make me want to distance myself from everything to do with them so ideally I wouldn't be at an apartment that belongs to my family. But then it's a comfortable indoor environment where I'm sure to be left undisturbed for long enough...

Ugh, I don't know what to do, I'm out of energy to think and plan and frankly, I'm so numb and apathetic that I don't really even care much either way. Should I just flip a coin or something? It has to happen tomorrow night so I need to get my shit together.

 

[jodes2]

I'd go for comfort every time. Indoors I'd say, leave the door open for emergency services

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that I would personally go for the location in which there is the least chance of being found too early, that would be the thing that is important to me, making sure the attempt is successful. But with choosing a location I believe it to be a personal choice and it just depends on what feels right.
I think that it sounds more pleasant to not ctb out where it's wet and cold. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering, I do get that it's difficult to make plans when you are tired and have no energy left.

 

[almaranthine]

I totally understand why you're having a tough time deciding this. Since you didn't mention it, I'm assuming you don't have a vehicle that you could ctb in. If you decide to do it in the apartment, just leave the door unlocked so there won't be any drama of your relatives having to break into the place. You could also do it in a bedroom or other more confined area and leave up a note stating that they shouldn't approach any further and to call for help. I get not wanting them to be the ones to find you, but at least this way there would be a buffer and it would be their choice to ignore your warning and see your body. I think doing it in an outside area where some random person could find you is extremely risky. Best wishes to you and I hope you find peace.

 

[makethepainstop]

Just about any suicide method has some requirement for time. You have to be somewhere undisturbed for the method to work properly. Save for firearms, that would seem to be pretty damn quick!

 

[SadBlueLemon]

Thanks to those who replied. Thankfully I did just manage to book a hotel room. My problem was that while I do have money for the room itself, I don't have enough for a security deposit in addition to that (most of them want €100). When I was searching for a place earlier I either found options that required a sizeable deposit or didn't mention stuff about it on booking.com or their own website and I just don't have it in me to contact dozens of places to find out whether they have deposit requirements or not. Not that I would've been able to do it with my anxiety anyway. However, after doing some more research I finally found a place that explicitly says they don't take a deposit but reserve the right to withdraw an amount from the provided card after check-out in case there are damages to the room. Yeah, good luck with that.

A room is booked now so that's a major relief. Otherwise I probably would have made an impulse decision when the time came.

 

[Ilikethemoon]

Thanks to those who replied. Thankfully I did just manage to book a hotel room. My problem was that while I do have money for the room itself, I don't have enough for a security deposit in addition to that (most of them want €100). When I was searching for a place earlier I either found options that required a sizeable deposit or didn't mention stuff about it on booking.com or their own website and I just don't have it in me to contact dozens of places to find out whether they have deposit requirements or not. Not that I would've been able to do it with my anxiety anyway. However, after doing some more research I finally found a place that explicitly says they don't take a deposit but reserve the right to withdraw an amount from the provided card after check-out in case there are damages to the room. Yeah, good luck with that.

A room is booked now so that's a major relief. Otherwise I probably would have made an impulse decision when the time came.

Im happy for you and I hope u find peace.