take a deep breath

[shipwreck]

There have been several threads lately that got unpleasant. Some started OK and got derailed, at least one started off with a challenge and degenerated into a brawl. Some may find entertainment value in this but that's not why most of us are here. This seems like a good moment to step back, take some deep breaths, and reconnect with why we joined. I joined it because I saw so much empathy and support, and a lot of useful information and perspectives.

Some thoughts:

• There's a place for speaking up when you see something that's wrong, but there's also value in silence: don't feed the trolls.
• We're all individuals with our needs and our triggers. We're also part of a community, and if we want the community to flourish, we need to honor that.

What are your thoughts? And how can we dial down the negative emotions and get back to compassion and clarity?

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Trolls need to be fed they are people too..

Nah in all seriousness its rare when stuff happens, the one i have seen tonight is the first i have seen in a long while.
As with any social media or forum people are going to react, its a natural emotion, everyone will react in their own way, depending on their own thoughts of the situation.
Yes we are all on the forum because it is a place where you can find the right support when your mind is in such a dark place, and thankfully thats 96% of the forum.
One or two troll threads, meh

Nastiness though, i had something horrid said to me other day, i read it replied laughed it off moved on.
But again everyone reacts different.
We can't control what people post, we cant control how others react, we can only control how we react, but no one should be judged unless they are clearly a total asshole.

Dunno if any of this even makes sense, lack of sleep effecting sense

 

[shipwreck]

Trolls need to be fed they are people too..

That made me laugh.

In the last few days I've seen at least four threads that went off the rails. A a couple felt manipulative: basically starting a fight, then playing the victim when they got beat up on. I'm not trying to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't react to, but honestly I feel like when someone just wants to throw sand, let them have the sandbox to themself. There are plenty of other sandboxes.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I have observed the same things.

What are your thoughts? And how can we dial down the negative emotions and get back to compassion and clarity?

My thought as to how: Active and involved moderators.

Mods who step into threads and get them back on track to set the tone for the community, rather than just locking them. Mods who deal with root causes and use the rules to determine that. Mods who delete new threads that take issues off of other threads because someone didn't like what someone said to them, or they're not done fighting about it. Mods who are willing to nip in the bud flagrant predatory and abusive behaviors for the safety and well-being of the whole forum. IMO, that's what moderators are supposed to do. But it ain't my forum.

The desire and willingness to be at compassion and clarity is always already present among the majority. It's the mods who have the most control of the dial.

I made a flip comment on the brawl thread about being entertained because I'm at the point that, if there is no moderation happening, it is my way to emotionally regulate in response to how ridiculous it truly was at its core, along with the flaming and other negativity. Humans and their behaviors, even when harmful, are ridiculous! Sometimes I gotta eat popcorn to keep it from getting the best of me. Sure, we can encourage others to not feed trolls but, ultimately, it's not the members' responsibility, it is the responsibility of the one who is trolling, and of the mods to stop it.

I would much rather have threads show up in the feed where I can either learn something or make a quality contribution. Mods have a lot of power over that. I don't. Hence my suggestions in response to your request for thoughts.

 

[shipwreck]

I made a flip comment on the brawl thread about being entertained because I'm at the point that, if there is no moderation happening, it is my way to emotionally regulate in response to how ridiculous it truly was at its core, along with the flaming and other negativity.

Wasn't picking on you. Actually the thread was pretty entertaining - mind you, I think the whole drama about the hostage situation was a work of fiction. If I thought it was happening for real I'd be aghast.

My thought as to how: Active and involved moderators.

Mods who step into threads and get them back on track to set the tone for the community, rather than just locking them. Mods who deal with root causes and use the rules to determine that. Mods who delete new threads that take issues off of other threads because someone didn't like what someone said to them, or they're not done fighting about it. Mods who are willing to nip in the bud flagrant predatory and abusive behaviors for the safety and well-being of the whole forum. IMO, that's what moderators are supposed to do. But it ain't my forum.

Yep. There have been times when quick invention by the mods would have prevented a lot of ink spilled in anger - hope the mods are reading this. If they don't step in then it's up to us members to look after each other. You and others here are empathetic and open to listening and supporting even when you're speaking out against something that someone said. Now if we all acted that way... sigh. But clearly some folks signed up for this forum for completely different reasons.

Edit: I see that the mods deleted the brawl thread. Thank you for taking action! Of course, now everyone who reads about the "brawl thread" will be curious

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Summary of the past two weeks on SS:

 

[shipwreck]

@GoodPersonEffed Looks like your suggestion bore fruit. In addition to the brawl thread, mods deleted another flame thread within the last 10 minutes. A certain user who was sending harassing PMs was banned, though they might have self-banned.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@GoodPersonEffed Looks like your suggestion bore fruit. In addition to the brawl thread, mods deleted another flame thread within the last 10 minutes. A certain user who was sending harassing PMs was banned, though they might have self-banned.

A self-ban takes 48 hours to go through, so I doubt it was a self-ban.

 

[shipwreck]

A self-ban takes 48 hours to go through, so I doubt it was a self-ban.

Must have been mods then, since said user was active within last 12 hours.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Aaaaaaand another troll just got banned (I believe it was the author of the flame thread you mentioned if his avatar color was orange). Definitely breathing better now.

 

[Brackenshire]

Dang it i just made popcorn

 

[shipwreck]

Aaaaaaand another troll just got banned (I believe it was the author of the flame thread you mentioned if his avatar color was orange). Definitely breathing better now.

Yup. I wondered if that was coming.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Dang it i just made popcorn

TBH, I found the above gif for that thread and didn't want it to go to waste. I mean, it's true here as well, but it would have been so appropriate there.

 

[shipwreck]

Dang it i just made popcorn

Gotta give the author of the brawl thread some credit for imagination. I might start a "outrageous lies" thread in offtopic just for fun.

 

[HadEnough1974]

I participated in that "brawl". I fanned the flames and the flaming queen got banned. Hey, I'm a queen too, ok? In a "manly" kinda way lol

 

[shipwreck]

I participated in that "brawl". I fanned the flames and the flaming queen got banned. Hey, I'm a queen too, ok? In a "manly" kinda way lol

Your flame fanning skills are enviable

Did you catch the other brawl thread? My jaw dropped as it went off the deep end with OP alleging he had called the police saying he had a hostage. I have a feeling it will become a legend among those who witnessed it.

 

[HadEnough1974]

Your flame fanning skills are enviable

Did you catch the other brawl thread? My jaw dropped as it went off the deep end with OP alleging he had called the police saying he had a hostage. I have a feeling it will become an inside joke among those who witnessed it.

Omg no I did not see that. Damn!! I won't dare ask for details (you can pm me) ;)

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Did you catch the other brawl thread? My jaw dropped as it went off the deep end with OP alleging he had called the police saying he had a hostage. I have a feeling it will become an inside joke among those who witnessed it.

My jaw didn't drop only because he wrote it so similarly to his first goodbye thread when the train was on its way, and giving information like the location so others would be concerned and keep checking the news.

BTW, I reported that thread and got a response that the thread had been deleted and the user warned.

But damn that was an amusing thread. I was kinda bummed when he stopped updating. He could have really taken it further. Just hope no one was traumatized by it. There were folks genuinely offering help.

You weren't a member yet when a troll made a first post about being an 18yo woman wanting someone to murder her, really over the top. It was so obviously trolling, especially with her responses, deleted and banned within maybe a couple of hours.

 

[shipwreck]

My jaw didn't drop only because he wrote it so similarly to his first goodbye thread when the train was on its way, and giving information like the location so others would be concerned and keep checking the news.

BTW, I reported that thread and got a response that the thread had been deleted and the user warned.

But damn that was an amusing thread. I was kinda bummed when he stopped updating. He could have really taken it further. Just hope no one was traumatized by it. There were folks genuinely offering help.

You weren't a member yet when a troll made a first post about being an 18yo woman wanting someone to murder her, really over the top. It was so obviously trolling, especially with her responses, deleted and banned within maybe a couple of hours.

Amazing creative talent. To think what I've been missing (eye roll)

BTW did you pick up on the part where he was almost embarrassed about being canadian, like we know canadians are more civilized than that and he can't possibly be the tough guy he claims to be?

 

[HadEnough1974]

My jaw didn't drop only because he wrote it so similarly to his first goodbye thread when the train was on its way, and giving information like the location so others would be concerned and keep checking the news.

BTW, I reported that thread and got a response that the thread had been deleted and the user warned.

But damn that was an amusing thread. I was kinda bummed when he stopped updating. He could have really taken it further. Just hope no one was traumatized by it. There were folks genuinely offering help.

You weren't a member yet when a troll made a first post about being an 18yo woman wanting someone to murder her, really over the top. It was so obviously trolling, especially with her responses, deleted and banned within maybe a couple of hours.

Oh yeah I remember that post.

 

[FriendofDeath]

Wasn't picking on you. Actually the thread was pretty entertaining - mind you, I think the whole drama about the hostage situation was a work of fiction. If I thought it was happening for real I'd be aghast.



Yep. There have been times when quick invention by the mods would have prevented a lot of ink spilled in anger - hope the mods are reading this. If they don't step in then it's up to us members to look after each other. You and others here are empathetic and open to listening and supporting even when you're speaking out against something that someone said. Now if we all acted that way... sigh. But clearly some folks signed up for this forum for completely different reasons.

Edit: I see that the mods deleted the brawl thread. Thank you for taking action! Of course, now everyone who reads about the "brawl thread" will be curious

i'm curious. ;)

 

[HadEnough1974]

Oh yeah I remember that post.

It's the Canadians you need to watch out for. Those bacon eating, maple syrup drinking, hockey loving, tree hugging, socialists! Them and their free healthcare and rubbing it in everyone's faces!!

They pretend to be polite, and they behind your back they say something in French like "poutine" or "tabernak" or "calisse" or "ferme ta yeule, osti. "

- love from Montreal ;)

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Damn i was hoping to come on this morning and read that, he had managed to stab up a cop using a kids toy sword whilst riding a blue unicorn..

 

[Lethe]

Dang it i just made popcorn

Stan would be proud v_v

 

[Deleted member 14386]

Dammit I knew I'd miss something here
*makes popcorn anyway*

 

[SpottedPanda]

As much as I like peaceful discussion, I haven't seen all that much forum brawling, can't help but feel like I missed out lol