Discussion Sylvia Plath (Poet): Suicide: Born on this day.

[blahblah]

I completely agree with what you are both saying. My depressions/anxiety are definitely caused by past trauma. I actually fit the criteria for C-PTSD. I think that a lot of people with mental health problems would. Prozac also helped me too, WhiteDespair. I lived more in the present and didn't think so much about the past, but now it doesn't work anymore, and it's like I'm stuck in that awful past emotional reality, with no way to extricate myself. Anytime that anything vaguely bad or triggering happens, I'm swamped by the past bad emotions, as well as the present. It's like they're linked. There's no way to numb it for me. I try to distract myself with books/movies/music, but that's about the best I can do.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I completely agree with what you are both saying. My depressions/anxiety are definitely caused by past trauma. I actually fit the criteria for C-PTSD. I think that a lot of people with mental health problems would. Prozac also helped me too, WhiteDespair. I lived more in the present and didn't think so much about the past, but now it doesn't work anymore, and it's like I'm stuck in that awful past emotional reality, with no way to extricate myself. Anytime that anything vaguely bad or triggering happens, I'm swamped by the past bad emotions, as well as the present. It's like they're linked. There's no way to numb it for me. I try to distract myself with books/movies/music, but that's about the best I can do.

Same. I got hit with a PTSD diagnosis when I went to a new shrink and I was able to give a more complete version of events.

You're right, Prozac does help calm those rampant thoughts, or at least diminish their intensity. I have some faith that I'm crashing head first into enough of these past/present synchronicities that I'll be in a better spot if/when the Prozac wears off.

You're right that they are linked. In many ways the present events mirror the past and dredge everything back up, even repressed stuff. That's when it gets fun.

Books, music and movies are better distractions than I've used. At the very least they help form connections with other people.

 

[Notf1xable]

I was diagnosed after everything hit the fan with ptsd, I told my doctor about my previous bipolar diagnosis but he thinks my dad doctor shopped to get me on meds. I was a child that stood up to him, my brother and sisters pretty much did what they were told. I've always been the type to question authority, but my doctor said it didn't mean I was a bad kid. Of course my dad wasn't gonna tell the counselor the bs he was putting me through. It just seems like the counseling and meds don't help when people that don't crappy stuff get away with it. I can't rationalize that in my mind. I want people to not be hurtful and abusive, but that's too much to ask. There's people that get off on getting that power and hurting others and I can't understand why.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I was diagnosed after everything hit the fan with ptsd, I told my doctor about my previous bipolar diagnosis but he thinks my dad doctor shopped to get me on meds. I was a child that stood up to him, my brother and sisters pretty much did what they were told. I've always been the type to question authority, but my doctor said it didn't mean I was a bad kid. Of course my dad wasn't gonna tell the counselor the bs he was putting me through. It just seems like the counseling and meds don't help when people that don't crappy stuff get away with it. I can't rationalize that in my mind. I want people to not be hurtful and abusive, but that's too much to ask. There's people that get off on getting that power and hurting others and I can't understand why.

Getting the diagnosis of PTSD was surprisng though not wholely unexpected. At the very least it's likely more accurate than previous diagnoses.

Doctor shopping is ridiculous. I am highly certain that my mother did that to me with asthma.

I always love when the first response is to drug your kids. IIRC the vast majority of childhood mental illnesses stem from the child's home life and parents. Fix those and you don't need to drug your kids.

Questioning authority isn't necessarily a bad thing. Kids do that to varying degrees anyway. You are correct in that they won't tell the counselor. They lie, obfuscate or omit in order to minimize the scope of their actions. Sometimes they don't even realize what they're doing is wrong.

Children then learn the Lie of Normalcy from that environment. It becomes normal to stay as quiet as possible in your room, to feel depressed, numb, etc., and to associate niceness and smiles as manipulation to, at the very least, get you to do something. Then, if/when you try to fight it, you wind up battling against your normal, your familiar and your comfort. You have to learn, implement and utilize a new normal. Depending on when you figure this out leads to a host of other challenges. That's not easy.

It does suck when abusive and neglectful parents aren't given an intervention at minimum. I'm not sure how many people realize that it's not necessarily the more extreme instances of abuse. The long, slow grind in the environment, the day-to-day consistency, the stuff no one sees because the masks come on in public crushes you like grinding a cockroach beneath the heel of a boot.

I don't think you can rationalize sadism if you don't have those impulses. It's like trying to describe the color red to a blind man. You may be able to find a logical reason why someone engages in sadistic acts and still have difficulty coming to a trur understanding. It may be as simple as, "It amused me."

You seem like a decent person who, unfortunately, had an atrocious childhood and now has the pleasant task of picking up the pieces.