camswithincams
Nutty Buddy Exploration Squad
- Mar 17, 2026
- 2
Hey y'all, first actual post. Just wanting to get a lot of things off my chest.
Teeny bit of context, my life is Fucked. Im a trafficking victim, damn near since i was born. I have lifelong health issues because of it; they go in and out, but some days I cant walk, or talk, or even think because of how badly my brain is fucked up. Acquired Brain Injury from having late-stage syphilis at 11-12 years old. Yknow how long that takes to incubate after initial exposure? 10 years.
At this point, I've already tried to live. Ive gone to therapy, ive done the treatments, hell i'm actively ON medication. But my lifelong dreams of going to college, and living on my own are actively collapsing around me. I'm failing at the one thing i'm good at, and its because i cant remember. I can't think. I used to read Shakespeare in my free time, I read The Tempest in less than a week- and now I can barely parse more than a page of text without significant effort. I still live with my mother. I cant drive. I cant make money. I can't do anything. I will continue to be a burden on my family and friends until the day i die, leeching off of their money and time like a parasitic growth.
I miss my son, too. It's been almost a decade since he passed; he went within the day of being born. He wasnt recorded as a birth by any government, and I had him at home, a scared child bringing another into this world. I named him, while I tried to sleep at night. Gabriel. My angel.
I also know that my friends would take it badly. I know that. But it truly is the only option that will set me free.
My method isn't decided yet, though SN is tempting- I'm a pharmacy student. Its what I wanted to do with my life. I know my way around drugs.
I just want to CTB back home to my family- my real family, the cousins and brothers and sisters and son who left me behind because they didn't have a choice either.
Teeny bit of context, my life is Fucked. Im a trafficking victim, damn near since i was born. I have lifelong health issues because of it; they go in and out, but some days I cant walk, or talk, or even think because of how badly my brain is fucked up. Acquired Brain Injury from having late-stage syphilis at 11-12 years old. Yknow how long that takes to incubate after initial exposure? 10 years.
At this point, I've already tried to live. Ive gone to therapy, ive done the treatments, hell i'm actively ON medication. But my lifelong dreams of going to college, and living on my own are actively collapsing around me. I'm failing at the one thing i'm good at, and its because i cant remember. I can't think. I used to read Shakespeare in my free time, I read The Tempest in less than a week- and now I can barely parse more than a page of text without significant effort. I still live with my mother. I cant drive. I cant make money. I can't do anything. I will continue to be a burden on my family and friends until the day i die, leeching off of their money and time like a parasitic growth.
I miss my son, too. It's been almost a decade since he passed; he went within the day of being born. He wasnt recorded as a birth by any government, and I had him at home, a scared child bringing another into this world. I named him, while I tried to sleep at night. Gabriel. My angel.
I also know that my friends would take it badly. I know that. But it truly is the only option that will set me free.
My method isn't decided yet, though SN is tempting- I'm a pharmacy student. Its what I wanted to do with my life. I know my way around drugs.
I just want to CTB back home to my family- my real family, the cousins and brothers and sisters and son who left me behind because they didn't have a choice either.
I don't really know, I guess it's not that easy 
