Survival instinct

[LT1989]

Even though I want to go and I cannot bare life, every time I try to end it my survival instinct kicks in so bad and it all just becomes too real almost. Like I get hyper aware of what I'm doing and I need to stop. I've drank alcohol and taken prescription drugs but I still cannot over come it. I tried to hang myself like half an hour ago after a full week of planning and I felt myself grow faint and stopped. I didnt want to but my body took over.
I'm so desperate for it to be over but my body won't let me end it. This is pure hell. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or tips just anything at all? My suffering knows no bounds I can't believe I have to be here when I hate it so much.
Sorry to write like this but I'm at my wits end x

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is like the survival instinct exists just to keep us trapped here in this world and prolong our suffering. I hate how difficult it is to finally leave this existence, all of those who wish to be gone should just be able to exit in peace without struggle, and I do understand that it really can be so tiring when you wish to be gone yet feel so trapped here.

But there are just no easy answers as to how to overcome it, maybe those who succeeded just knew that it was the right time or they reached the point of complete desperation. Hanging sounds like a terrifying method to me, I think that those who managed to go through with it were so incredibly brave, but anyway I hope that you find the freedom that you search for. There certainly does seem to be no real relief from suffering in this hellish world.

 

[Mirrory Me]

There is something inside you that doesn't want to die, something that wants to take care of you in the best possible way. Ask it questions and it will answer.

 

[LT1989]

I appreciate the replies thank you so much.
I truly do want it to be over it just feels too real when I try. I cant explain it really but it's like reality hits me full force in the face and it's all too much.
I would give anything to be able to just flip a switch and be done. I dont have a life to live at all there's no other way foward for me.
This is pure hell and I'm so sorry for anyone that's suffering this life. What a miserable situation. I'm devastated with it all.
Thanks for talking the time to reply. Best of luck xx

 

[yume]

I wish you the best of luck, I'm sorry it's been so hard on you. SI in general is a terrifying concept to me, but I truly hope your suffering can end as soon as possible.

 

[LT1989]

I wish you the best of luck, I'm sorry it's been so hard on you. SI in general is a terrifying concept to me, but I truly hope your suffering can end as soon as possible.

Thank you ever so much for taking the time to reply.
I think that after planning it and going ahead and almost getting the desired result (I could feel myself passing out) but my brain just being like "ALARM" and taking over. It's genuinely the worst feeling ever because I told myself today would be the day and I've got 15 minutes left till 12am. Why must we suffer so much. Its cruel.
I cannot wake up tomorrow and carry on I can't.

Sorry meant not lol wtf. That's my life summed up hah

 

[man_in_red:)]

You are not finished in this world. I believe your body knows you haven't done something you need to do before catching the bus. Think about some things you haven't finished.

 

[LT1989]

You are not finished in this world. I believe your body knows you haven't done something you need to do before catching the bus. Think about some things you haven't finished.

I appreciate your words thank you.

 

[Viranamari]

Survival instinct is certainly so tiring as it traps us here in this undesirable life. Unfortunately, there isn't anything we can do to overcome it. I'm sure many people would be gone by now if there was a definite way. Some methods require less survival instinct while some require more so maybe you can try another method. Anyways, I hope you can escape your suffering.

 

[orca87]

There is something inside you that doesn't want to die, something that wants to take care of you in the best possible way. Ask it questions and it will answer.

For some of us that "something" is just the brain stem. It won't answer any questions.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

I (think) know full well what you mean, in my case it's just cowardice

 

[Unattainable666]

Even though I want to go and I cannot bare life, every time I try to end it my survival instinct kicks in so bad and it all just becomes too real almost. Like I get hyper aware of what I'm doing and I need to stop. I've drank alcohol and taken prescription drugs but I still cannot over come it. I tried to hang myself like half an hour ago after a full week of planning and I felt myself grow faint and stopped. I didnt want to but my body took over.
I'm so desperate for it to be over but my body won't let me end it. This is pure hell. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or tips just anything at all? My suffering knows no bounds I can't believe I have to be here when I hate it so much.
Sorry to write like this but I'm at my wits end x

The SI really does suck! I'm going out by carbon monoxide. Cheap, easy, just go to sleep and it's over.

 

[LT1989]

The SI really does suck! I'm going out by carbon monoxide. Cheap, easy, just go to sleep and it's over.

That is my ideal method but I live in a flat and I wouldnt want to endanger my neighbour and I don't have a car. Whats your plans for CM?

I just want to be done. The thought of even tomorrow is too much.

 

[Mirrory Me]

For some of us that "something" is just the brain stem. It won't answer any questions.

I believe that the body is a conscious thing. May sound far-fetched, but I just had a dream about a guy who occasionally slaps my face when I'm awake.

There is something inside me that monitors my movements and is able to move my limbs. It talks and keeps me company.

A year ago I saw a hallucinations of characters who were like from another universe, they could manipulate my reality.

 

[Unattainable666]

That is my ideal method but I live in a flat and I wouldnt want to endanger my neighbour and I don't have a car. Whats your plans for CM?

I just want to be done. The thought of even tomorrow is too much.

I've purchased a tent and am going into the desert. Honestly if this doesn't work, I'm going to start walking and not stop until I'm dead.

 

[galintra90]

Even though I want to go and I cannot bare life, every time I try to end it my survival instinct kicks in so bad and it all just becomes too real almost. Like I get hyper aware of what I'm doing and I need to stop. I've drank alcohol and taken prescription drugs but I still cannot over come it. I tried to hang myself like half an hour ago after a full week of planning and I felt myself grow faint and stopped. I didnt want to but my body took over.
I'm so desperate for it to be over but my body won't let me end it. This is pure hell. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or tips just anything at all? My suffering knows no bounds I can't believe I have to be here when I hate it so much.
Sorry to write like this but I'm at my wits end x

Same thing here, hanging is very difficult

 

[undertheskin]

Even though I want to go and I cannot bare life, every time I try to end it my survival instinct kicks in so bad and it all just becomes too real almost. Like I get hyper aware of what I'm doing and I need to stop. I've drank alcohol and taken prescription drugs but I still cannot over come it. I tried to hang myself like half an hour ago after a full week of planning and I felt myself grow faint and stopped. I didnt want to but my body took over.
I'm so desperate for it to be over but my body won't let me end it. This is pure hell. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or tips just anything at all? My suffering knows no bounds I can't believe I have to be here when I hate it so much.
Sorry to write like this but I'm at my wits end x

yeah I'm in the same boat, tried to hang myself many times, drown in an ocean, ect. It's hard, I think it comes down to the amount of cognitive dissonance one has in relation to the method. for example, taking pills feels a lot less scary than putting a rope around your neck. Another aspect is lethality, something which is near instant lethal compared to a drawn out method. the longer the method takes, the more likely the instinct kicks in and you start to reconsider. Lately I've been trying to condition myself to asphyxiation, when you do it enough times, you start to lose the fear over time.