Surprisingly panicked

[CrazyKT]

Hello friends! First post here, so I apologize if I mess anything up.

I learned about SN lurking here, which I'm very grateful for. SN itself was pretty easy to find, but meto was more difficult. However, I figured it out and the meto is on its way. In a few days, I'll have everything I need to ctb.

I was not expecting how anxious I'd be at this point. I don't have a date or even a firm decision to do it, but there's something about having everything I need that freaks me out. Maybe it's the fact that I had to lie to get the meto, or that I've downplayed the suicidal thoughts to my therapist and my prescriber, both of whom I saw today. Has anyone else had sudden anxiety when you finally have access to everything you need?

 

[Rayzieka]

I wouldn't call it anxiety, but its definitely a feeling you don't get from anything else.
Kind of feels unreal and I personally think its reassuring and calms me down.

 

[Elysium Searcher]

Hello friends! First post here, so I apologize if I mess anything up.

I learned about SN lurking here, which I'm very grateful for. SN itself was pretty easy to find, but meto was more difficult. However, I figured it out and the meto is on its way. In a few days, I'll have everything I need to ctb.

I was not expecting how anxious I'd be at this point. I don't have a date or even a firm decision to do it, but there's something about having everything I need that freaks me out. Maybe it's the fact that I had to lie to get the meto, or that I've downplayed the suicidal thoughts to my therapist and my prescriber, both of whom I saw today. Has anyone else had sudden anxiety when you finally have access to everything you need?

Hi and welcome to the forum! (Not sure If I should say so, we're on the same boat )


Yep, there was a time where I had the rope I wanted to use to CTB. It was like 2-3 years ago. Not sure. I couldn't do it for a long time due to the emotions you just described. Didn't try anyway, but probably due to it.

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Don't try to CTB unless you are 100% sure.

 

[Weary Soul]

Even though I so desperately wanted to end things, when I got everything I needed? I had a total and complete panic attack. You are not alone in feeling like this.

It is not my business to ask really - and I am not asking, but I will say this.

I am so very sad at whatever in life brought you here, and I really hope that you have exhausted all attempts at recovery before deciding on this course of action.

It always breaks my heart to see people here, some very incredible people who life has been so incredibly hard on that they have reached this point.

I am all about autonomy of choice - but it still breaks my heart.

I wish the best for you whatver you decide.

 

[CrazyKT]

Don't try to CTB unless you are 100% sure.

I won't. I just worried about having access in the future so it helps to have it on hand when I am ready.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think if I had everything I needed, I would feel relieved as I can leave this world anytime I wanted, but I understand the anxiety too. Maybe it is the survival instinct in a way. I wish you peace if this is the option you want.

 

[CrazyKT]

Even though I so desperately wanted to end things, when I got everything I needed? I had a total and complete panic attack. You are not alone in feeling like this.

It is not my business to ask really - and I am not asking, but I will say this.

I am so very sad at whatever in life brought you here, and I really hope that you have exhausted all attempts at recovery before deciding on this course of action.

It always breaks my heart to see people here, some very incredible people who life has been so incredibly hard on that they have reached this point.

I am all about autonomy of choice - but it still breaks my heart.

I wish the best for you whatver you decide.

Thank you. It's certainly a difficult decision, and I'm not quite there yet. I've been on a ridiculous number of meds and am on my last shot at therapy. To be fair I really love my current therapist and this one might stick, but I want to have the option if it doesn't work out. Currently regretting that I didn't know about this method when I attempted in 2017.

I think if I had everything I needed, I would feel relieved as I can leave this world anytime I wanted, but I understand the anxiety too. Maybe it is the survival instinct in a way. I wish you peace if this is the option you want.

I was expecting relief too. I just got the "your prescription has been approved" message and it hit me suddenly.

 

[at-sea]

I wouldn't call it anxiety, but its definitely a feeling you don't get from anything else.
Kind of feels unreal and I personally think its reassuring and calms me down.

Same, knowing that if everything goes wrong i'm already prepared and can ctb within that same day reassures me.

It actually has helped more to go through tought days than my prescripted meds hahahaha

It lets you put things in perspective as you can truly and actively choose between that situation vs ctb (for real, not like when you fantazise and start planning)

Hello friends! First post here, so I apologize if I mess anything up.

I learned about SN lurking here, which I'm very grateful for. SN itself was pretty easy to find, but meto was more difficult. However, I figured it out and the meto is on its way. In a few days, I'll have everything I need to ctb.

I was not expecting how anxious I'd be at this point. I don't have a date or even a firm decision to do it, but there's something about having everything I need that freaks me out. Maybe it's the fact that I had to lie to get the meto, or that I've downplayed the suicidal thoughts to my therapist and my prescriber, both of whom I saw today. Has anyone else had sudden anxiety when you finally have access to everything you need?

Hi! Also kind of new-ish, as I have been lurking in the dark only reading threads but never commenting or posting for a long time, but only now starting to say something