SpencerSees
I want to swim until my arms give out 🍀
- Feb 22, 2023
- 97
Slowly losing any sense of hope. I knew that I wasn't gonna make it much longer, but I thought if I could just be with my friends, I'd be okay for a little while. Well uni started, and I have barely any contact with them.
I was supposed to go to a diff town where one of my friends studies, so we could hit up a gay bar, get drunk, hook her up with some pretty girl etc. Unfortunately my other friend had something to do (even though we planned this 3 months ago). I wasn't angry, just slightly disappointed.
Then my best friend was a like, we should go to an anime convention during the fall. He has agoraphobia and severe panic attacks, so I don't blame him that he got nervous and ditched the idea at last, but it still made me feel cathartic to remove one more event from my calendar.
Please don't get me wrong, I really don't blame anyone, things come up etc. I guess this is just about how heightened your sensitivity is to these everyday stuff when you're mentally fucked.
University is a nightmare, it's like highschool but instead of being beaten or told to kill yourself, people just don't care at all. Honestly who could blame them, there are like 150 people doing the same major as me, probably thousands on the whole campus. Honestly thank God for my family bothering me more recently, cause if I could just be at home and sleep all day, I would never attend a single class. At least the americano is quite good, a bit pricey though. The campus has kitties too, so hey, it's not all bad. But it's mostly bad.
I was supposed to go to a diff town where one of my friends studies, so we could hit up a gay bar, get drunk, hook her up with some pretty girl etc. Unfortunately my other friend had something to do (even though we planned this 3 months ago). I wasn't angry, just slightly disappointed.
Then my best friend was a like, we should go to an anime convention during the fall. He has agoraphobia and severe panic attacks, so I don't blame him that he got nervous and ditched the idea at last, but it still made me feel cathartic to remove one more event from my calendar.
Please don't get me wrong, I really don't blame anyone, things come up etc. I guess this is just about how heightened your sensitivity is to these everyday stuff when you're mentally fucked.
University is a nightmare, it's like highschool but instead of being beaten or told to kill yourself, people just don't care at all. Honestly who could blame them, there are like 150 people doing the same major as me, probably thousands on the whole campus. Honestly thank God for my family bothering me more recently, cause if I could just be at home and sleep all day, I would never attend a single class. At least the americano is quite good, a bit pricey though. The campus has kitties too, so hey, it's not all bad. But it's mostly bad.
