Supporting someone who’s suffering with depression, whilst hiding and suppressing my urge to CTB

[eclipsee99]

I can't keep doing this anymore. It's physically draining. I feel like such an awful person writing this.

All I want is to CTB. This constant daily cycle is killing me. I feel empty, all I think about is hurting myself. I'm just done. I could go into detail, but that's not what this post is about.

And while all these thoughts go round my head, I have to suppress everything and pretend I am fine, because my only friend (pathetic I know) is suffering with depression. She only feels comfortable talking to me about it, I've always been a bit of a big brother figure to her so it makes sense.

I avoid everyone on a daily basis, and lying that I am okay has become normal. But it is so difficult trying to help someone get better, when you want the exact opposite for yourself.

Please tell me I am not the only one struggling like this, or am I just being ridiculous.

 

[lucacaro]

I get it. I don't really have friends anymore but when I did I had been in this position before. For some reason I was always the person people went to when they feel depressed or suicidal. It's kind of hard to deal with... It starts getting exhausting very fast - telling them things you don't even really believe in yourself. "It gets better" "you'll be okay" type shit.

Eventually when I kind of pulled back from people I stopped really trying to discourage people. I didn't encourage them but like... I don't have the energy for it. Makes me feel bad when I go to my one person about my problems since I know just how exhausting it can be. We aren't therapists or something what can we even do? idk

 

[eclipsee99]

I don't have the energy for it. Makes me feel bad when I go to my one person about my problems since I know just how exhausting it can be. We aren't therapists or something what can we even do? idk

Thank you. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. It's just so draining isn't it, almost to the point of being hypocritical. I guess I'll grow immune to it one day. Just need to embrace my acting skills, I passed high school drama class for a reason right?

 

[L951788]

Isn't it a bit weird that so many humans want to kill themselves? And it's so draining talking them out of it? Symptomatic of a much larger problem in my opinion.

 

[lucacaro]

Thank you. I'm so glad I'm not the only one. It's just so draining isn't it, almost to the point of being hypocritical. I guess I'll grow immune to it one day. Just need to embrace my acting skills, I passed high school drama class for a reason right?

Maybe it might be easier to have a conversation with this friend? You don't have to say they can't talk to you but maybe like... ask them if they would ask you first if you feel okay to listen to their problems? I mean.. maybe word it better than I just did...

 

[shadowchaser]

You are most definitely not the only one <3 This is a common thing that people with depression go through even though it shouldn't be at all.

I've known a few people who've struggled with their mental health and it is exhausting trying to help them all the while lying that I'm okay.

You're not awful though, or hypocritical. You sound like an amazing and caring friend who is doing the best you can. Now I'm being a hypocrite but... please try to take care of yourself, too. You can't help someone to the best of your ability when struggling yourself, and it doesn't help any of you if trying to help her hurts you. Ofc that's much easier said than done, I know :)

I'm sending you love and hugs You're not alone

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

You aren't alone in this, like shadow said. A lot of times I have to comfort my boyfriend, because he is struggling mentally. I don't want to invalidate his struggles, but I will just say he has more to live for than I do and truly has a fighting chance to make it in life.

If venting is their penchant in terms of coping, it's best to just hear the other person out and listen to what they have to say. For other people, like my partner, they don't really want to blow off steam, they want comfort and distractions. So I try to provide that even when I am dying on the inside myself.

Really, people have grown tired of me ranting about feeling awful as a result of my illnesses and chronic pain, so I always wonder if I'm bothering people when I vent to them. I can really relate to what you've written here. Wearing a mask is incredibly difficult.

 

[WornOutLife]

Pretending you're fine is the hardest part. I really understand what you're going through.

Wish you the best and hope you can find peace!

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Used to be like this a lot. I don't have many friends now but I used to try to be supportive of people like this while planning my own death. Can't keep that up now.