Suicide to end the longing for intimacy, connection and sex

[jadeturtle]

Universe gives me this longing for intimacy, connection and sex. It is hormonal and from what I've learned isn't going to go away. I have no outlet for these feelings and no way to create them. The impossibility to realize them and the uncontrollable presence of the desire creates an asymmetry or dissonance. I have tried to cope with these feelings for 20+ years. I would do anything to stop the conflict. I would be willing to stop the conflict by destroying my physical brain, where it seems to exist.

 

[7one_wonders_if]

I can relate to this, about 7 years for me. Out of curiosity why is it an impossibility for you, if you care to share?

 

[PI3.14]

I can definitely relate. I rather die than live alone

 

[Renato]

Same for me.

I can relate to this, about 7 years for me. Out of curiosity why is it an impossibility for you, if you care to share?

I am not the OP but making an educated guess I would say, aside from specific details, that the word impossibility refers to the awareness of being disposable and of perceived little value: once you get that mindset you rightfully consider impossible to establish an intimate connection with a woman.

At least that's how I feel and statistically like millions of men feel nowadays. And yes, I presume that all of us in this thread are heterosexual males not because I'm biased but because I trust statistics.

 

[Saponification]

I can definitely relate. The feeling of being isolated and unable to form intimate relationships with the preferred sex is agonizing indeed. I hate this biology that programmed me to seek sex and intimacy. This is also one of the reasons I wish I were a non-sentient AI or something.

 

[Dejected 55]

That's where I live everyday... until hopefully soon when I will be gone.

 

[jadeturtle]

I can relate to this, about 7 years for me. Out of curiosity why is it an impossibility for you, if you care to share?

I think when you miss the bus, it's basically over for you. Your chances are in high school, college and early in employment. It's a life trajectory type of thing. Once you fall out, the society is incredibly efficient at destroying you further. They separate you, reinforce your separation, and program you. They program others to avoid you, dislike you, be afraid of you. You learn every year you go further that they like you less and less, because you are older, male and you don't have kids or a wedding ring on your finger. You're demonized, hated. You know they want to destroy you. Everyone just wants to capitalize on your destruction. Once you're marked, you're marked.

A tiny shred says this is due to my trauma and abuse from childhood. It says I'm the one preventing connections and relationships to form. But for the past 15 years, I can't stop it, and I can't figure it out. I can know it intellectually, but I am hopeless to change it. It's a sort of destiny where you realize some people don't make it in certain avenues of life. Some are poor, some never walk, some never free themselves from addiction. Some cannot make connections with others, no matter how badly they want to

( I might want to post in the recovery section soon... it's possible I am finding some healing here )

 

[hippiedeath]

Women treat me like I have the plague. It's been this way for many years. I can't just turn off my longing though. It kills me; wanting what I can't ever have. I'd rather be dead than alone.

 

[death_bed221]

I think when you miss the bus, it's basically over for you. Your chances are in high school, college and early in employment. It's a life trajectory type of thing. Once you fall out, the society is incredibly efficient at destroying you further. They separate you, reinforce your separation, and program you. They program others to avoid you, dislike you, be afraid of you. You learn every year you go further that they like you less and less, because you are older, male and you don't have kids or a wedding ring on your finger. You're demonized, hated. You know they want to destroy you. Everyone just wants to capitalize on your destruction. Once you're marked, you're marked.

A tiny shred says this is due to my trauma and abuse from childhood. It says I'm the one preventing connections and relationships to form. But for the past 15 years, I can't stop it, and I can't figure it out. I can know it intellectually, but I am hopeless to change it. It's a sort of destiny where you realize some people don't make it in certain avenues of life. Some are poor, some never walk, some never free themselves from addiction. Some cannot make connections with others, no matter how badly they want to

( I might want to post in the recovery section soon... it's possible I am finding some healing here )

I have a speech impediment and the bullying I got as a kid still affects me to this day. I actually think that childhood is the most important. If u have a shitty childhood its pretty much over. When u get psychologically tortured while ur brain is developing, Ur brain develops in a wrong way. No matter how much u "win" at life, u will be broken till u die

 

[hippiedeath]

I have a speech impediment and the bullying I got as a kid still affects me to this day. I actually think that childhood is the most important. If u have a shitty childhood its pretty much over. When u get psychologically tortured while ur brain is developing, Ur brain develops in a wrong way. No matter how much u "win" at life, u will be broken till u die

Same. Childhood trauma. I'm all messed up inside.