Venting Suicide pact with my mom

[delta2]

Something that's admittedly made it hard for me to ctb is knowing that my mom will commit suicide as well after I do. I know I'll be dead and won't care, but something about her saying "if you do, I do" makes me feel more chained to this earth than ever. It's not fair. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of everyone making my potential death all about them. "We'll be sad", "we'll have to pick up your debt", "I will ctb too", etc. I'm so fucking sick of it. Just let me fucking go

 

[montanatype]

same happens to me

 

[gothbird]

The way people say "if you go, I'll go too" isn't love. It's emotional blackmail. And I know it doesn't come from nowhere, but that doesn't mean it's fair to you. When someone says "your death will destroy me," what they're really saying is "you're responsible for keeping me alive," and that's a weight no one should have to carry, especially not when you're already struggling to stay afloat yourself.

I know what it's like. I don't think my father will hesitate to come after me out of grief more than rage. It turns something deeply personal into something you're expected to manage, like you owe the world a careful death or none at all.

You don't. You deserve your autonomy.

 

[sadistsister]

Something that's admittedly made it hard for me to ctb is knowing that my mom will commit suicide as well after I do. I know I'll be dead and won't care, but something about her saying "if you do, I do" makes me feel more chained to this earth than ever. It's not fair. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of everyone making my potential death all about them. "We'll be sad", "we'll have to pick up your debt", "I will ctb too", etc. I'm so fucking sick of it. Just let me fucking go

For what it's worth, my sister said exactly that. More as a promise, less as a threat. I was unsuccessful and she pretended like she could never even relate. Other people are unreliable at best, self serving as a default.

 

[bankai]

I'm not sure she can be trusted. Just saying. She may say it, but that does not mean that she will do as she says.Something to keep in mind.

 

[Michi_Violeta]

Something that's admittedly made it hard for me to ctb is knowing that my mom will commit suicide as well after I do. I know I'll be dead and won't care, but something about her saying "if you do, I do" makes me feel more chained to this earth than ever. It's not fair. I don't know what to do. I'm so sick of everyone making my potential death all about them. "We'll be sad", "we'll have to pick up your debt", "I will ctb too", etc. I'm so fucking sick of it. Just let me fucking go

Yeah, it's the only thing keeping me here right now. I just want out man, I'm tired, my life is not what I wanted after a lot of effort and everyone keeps thinking about how they'd feel. Yes, I'm sorry they won't have their clown and conversation partner around anymore, I truly am, but it's not worth enduring all this when I have no will to go on. My only hope is that my mother keeps seeing just how fucked up I am and one day stops saying that shit...

 

[tpboy]

i have the inverse situation.

 

[Avril]

People say a lot of things, but if we heavily-suicidal people have a hard time beating survival instincts, I suppose it's harder for normal types of people.