Suicide notes... all things considered

[biancapowers]

I'm going and it's going to hurt a lot of people. I know this. I've seen over the years how it has hurt people, just the attempts. Now that I'm hopefully in a position for it all to work, I am at the point of thinking about the exit. I envision something along the lines of "I didn't see it coming..." "I knew she had problems in the past but I thought she was doing so well..." "Such a shame..."

Do I "need" to write a note? All things considered (the act of suicide being a "selfish" act in itself) would it be rude not to leave a note? Nothing I'd say could change how people react to my death and my saying no one is at fault is going to prevent anyone from blaming themselves... But do I try anyways?

 

[ghostspace]

I would at least leave something saying you love your family/friends etc. and that you're in too much pain to go on. It doesn't have to be long, but I think not leaving one might make it hard for people to find closure.

 

[k75]

There are no rules. You don't need to or have to write one. But it could provide closure and comfort to those you're leaving behind. It could also make you feel a little more at ease. It's your last chance to say anything to anyone.

 

[Woodwick]

You don't have to leave anything if you don't have the energy to get to it. Writing a suicide note can take a lot from somebody. You can always leave a short note or something. This can mean closure to you and your loved ones.

 

[enjoy]

you can do whatever you want. personally, i'll be leaving a note to my family and closest friends to give them closure and try to mitigate the pain and suffering they'll likely experience in reaction. as for everyone else... i don't give a shit. they can think what they want. i'll be too dead to care.

 

[biancapowers]

Sh*t.

I just started to write it and, for the first time, I'm in tears. I'm so angry that everything's got to this point. I'm so angry that I'm hurt again. I'm angry that I feel empty and weak. I'm so angry that I didn't succeed decades ago. I'm angry that the letter sounds like a cry for help. I've attempted to ctb many times before but it was child's play. If this doesn't work (and I have no faith in my luck for it to work) this will just be another neurotic cry for help. That's not what I want. I don't want help. I want out!!!

Sh*t.

 

[-Link-]

I just started to write it and, for the first time, I'm in tears. I'm so angry that everything's got to this point. I'm so angry that I'm hurt again. I'm angry that I feel empty and weak. I'm so angry that I didn't succeed decades ago. I'm angry that the letter sounds like a cry for help. I've attempted to ctb many times before but it was child's play. If this doesn't work (and I have no faith in my luck for it to work) this will just be another neurotic cry for help. That's not what I want. I don't want help. I want out!!

This reads like content to include in a note.

It's interesting how people (not just here, but any mental health site and in various scenarios) will ask questions about what to say and how to say it to other people and it's like, dude, just communicate exactly what you wrote. (I know you're not asking WHAT to write, but this thought just popped into my mind as a general thing.)

If you love them and they love you, then I'd always advise a note. Anything. At least tell them you love them. If you don't have the mental energy to write much beyond a few words, then tell them that. Leaving a note also has the added effect of removing any slightest doubt about your intention to die. If you find yourself still wondering about it, then put yourself in their position and think about what they'd want.

 

[Egddios]

I'm going and it's going to hurt a lot of people. I know this. I've seen over the years how it has hurt people, just the attempts. Now that I'm hopefully in a position for it all to work, I am at the point of thinking about the exit. I envision something along the lines of "I didn't see it coming..." "I knew she had problems in the past but I thought she was doing so well..." "Such a shame..."

Do I "need" to write a note? All things considered (the act of suicide being a "selfish" act in itself) would it be rude not to leave a note? Nothing I'd say could change how people react to my death and my saying no one is at fault is going to prevent anyone from blaming themselves... But do I try anyways?

Struggling with similar thoughts regarding leaving or not leaving notes. Even a note.

When I think, or reflect, on my life and how it's about to end, I experience many emotions and I feel compelled to write to my sister. But, those moments are fleeting. Mental exhaustion kicks in and I feel like if I'm able to write when the time comes, so be it. I'm not counting on writing notes, it feels daunting. I'm unsure if police/EMT's/first responders would read the notes first...that's a turn off. The possible censorship.

 

[biancapowers]

This is what I'm toying with...

 

[Egddios]

This is what I'm toying with...

Delayed email, yes - this is more appealing.

 

[k75]

Sh*t.

I just started to write it and, for the first time, I'm in tears. I'm so angry that everything's got to this point. I'm so angry that I'm hurt again. I'm angry that I feel empty and weak. I'm so angry that I didn't succeed decades ago. I'm angry that the letter sounds like a cry for help. I've attempted to ctb many times before but it was child's play. If this doesn't work (and I have no faith in my luck for it to work) this will just be another neurotic cry for help. That's not what I want. I don't want help. I want out!!!

Sh*t.

I'm sorry all these emotions got stirred up. I've been through that myself. A lot of my first posts on here turned into outlets for me about my sorrow at feeling like this.

The writing can also help you purge that sort of thing and be rather therapeutic. I think a lot of people end up writing multiple drafts because of this. I've heard of people writing more than one letter and destroying the first ones just to get those emotions out but not show anyone. It can be a healing process.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

One way to approach a letter is to think of someone you know. If they ctb'd, would you want a letter? If yes, what would you want them to say to you -- what would you value hearing?

 

[biancapowers]

A good friend did ctb years ago. I was sad, happy for her and a little (or a lot) jealous. She didn't need to say anything to me. I got the message loud and clear.

As for the note, what bothers me is not that I have to write it but, thanks to Hollywood, I have notions of telling this person and them making everything better. Which is a crap shoot. Damn you, Hollywood.

I'm not looking anything therapeutic. I was before I found this site, and for all the times I was trying to better my situations. Therapy won't help; neither will sorting out or dealing with feelings or choices I've made.

I feel at peace and a little anxious that this could really happen for me. Finally. Finally.

 

[k75]

Therapeutic doesn't necessarily mean therapy like I believe you're thinking. I'm talking more... I don't know. Soul healing, getting you in a more peaceful mindset to let go of it all. But I understand what you're saying. Some people feel differently. I felt less toxic after getting some of that stuff worked out, and I wasn't even trying for that either.

 

[biancapowers]

Reconciled. To damnation. Which is fine. As someone with a (once) strong spiritual background that I'm turning my back on, I'm reconciled to the consequences of my choices.

I am letting go of it all. Thank you.

 

[Backwood_tilt]

I have notions of telling this person and them making everything better. Which is a crap shoot.

I am letting go of it all. Thank you.

Wow. So it took you about a day to realize what it took me about two months to realize.... which is super impressive. Maybe i am just slow.

But yeah, i think the "right" answer is that you just need to let some of these things go. You sound like you are well on your way to doing that. I can understand the emotional burden of wanting to relieve someone of their pain and suffering - but there's definitely a hard limit to what we can accomplish with words after we CTB.

I feel like there should be a letter writing megathread, because the process is honestly overwhelming (emotionally, maybe otherwise) and i think there is some universal good advice. Like what you've realized about it.

 

[Deleted member 13412]

seen the way callie's last note was dismissed, it feels to me tht writing a suicide note will always be pointless, ppl will always think wht they want.. ur reasons, or last wishes wont matter anything...