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m3nhera
Still alive, just not active here sometimes so dw
- Nov 23, 2025
- 452
I love the last one and I don't care if I sound corny or if it was originally made as a meme(not sure) you're right it is beautiful! It perfectly shows how it feels, the solution to everything, how life is constantly so dull and gray and death is the only thing that could make me feel better. I want to put my head in the digital noose lol. I can't stop fantasizing. Maybe this is a sign that if I ever ctb it should be hanging and not jumping like I considered for a short period of time?
I wish this was real :(.
Maybe I'll make a post about this bc I feel weird, am I the only one who wants to buy a gun just so I can have the comforting feeling of pointing and pressing it into my chest or putting it in my mouth(gosh this sounds dirty lol)?? It would make me feel better, not to actually shoot but just to play pretend. But I feel like people would think I'm strange for that, so I'd never admit it. But then they'd wonder why I'd buy a gun. I don't seem like the type of person to buy one and also I heavily support gun control laws so, no clue how I'd explain why someone like me wants to buy one so badly. I'd be scared of people thinking I'd hurt others with it if I was secretive about it, or of them finding out the real reason and judging and shaming that. Or getting caught with it in my mouth and obviously it would look like I was gonna commit suicide but no, I'm just roleplaying
. Ik that sounds so silly but seriously I can't be the only person this would help. If I could just do that every time I want to die, it would bring me a sense of comfort to pretend and imagine since I could actually feel and see the gun in my hands, and then I'd feel better enough to put it away and go on with my day. This is the same reason I sometimes like to sit on the kitchen floor with a knife to my chest, but I almost never get to do this because I'm so scared of getting caught(I live with other people) and what does that look like? It looks like I'm trying to kill myself. Which could result in a trip to the psych ward. Another reason I sometimes hate the knife thing is because I hear things sometimes that will force me to hold the knife there against my will, which is very scary for me and is different from when I want it. A part of me would be scared I'd lose self control and pull the trigger in that situation, all it takes is a little slip, but that's kind of like Russian roulette. I have a fear of sounding corny lol but I'd get such a rush from it, if you know you can't fully trust yourself, it's like gambling with your life. Every time I'd hold that gun, it would be Russian roulette of whether I survive another day or can't resist myself and die. Or the risk of not dying and being severely injured(this one isn't fun at all). Thinking about this is making me really happy, I want a gun so bad but I'm scared of being judged and all the other stuff, and also where I live, gun laws are stricter. I keep thinking about this, it might help me more than anything I've ever tried.Last edited:
dhk96
Experienced
- May 8, 2018
- 213
