RideOrDie
Member
- Aug 30, 2022
- 15
I just cried for two hours in the midst of writing my suicide letter. I've been writing these letters for almost 4 years now. This year I've written 3. I kept attempting but this time I really think it would be my last. I've put the letters in different bags, some places I can't even remember but one letter links to another, hopefully they find everything. If they don't, it's fine too, I've written all the important stuff in my most recent ones. I'm going really going to go sooner than I expected. I never thought I wouldn't be able to hold on any longer, I really thought things would get better and I would make it just until Christmas, but I guess it'll just be this October. I don't feel great at the moment. I'm alone in my dorm room and have a long quiz tomorrow, I still haven't studied and things just keep piling up. I don't have the energy to do anything anymore, and it makes me feel really down, empty, numb. The cycle keeps repeating itself. I just really want peace. I told my parents that I need help but they're just in denial, they never really listen. So I just stopped trying to ask from help and thought, "I'm going to try and suck it up until I can't anymore." At least I tried. I don't want to keep postponing. I hope my brain doesn't go into survival mode again when I ctb. I really want to let go.
