I contacted lifeline the other day. All they did was talk to me for an hour, then abruptly end the conversation.
The main reason I did this was to see if there was some hope left for me. I have concluded that there is not, and my life will end soon, by my own hand.
Has anyone else had a similar experience with a "helpline"?
They are different everywhere. In some states they're understaffed and run by 18 year olds who did a short training and are just there to add some volunteering to their resume. In other states there are real therapists on the phone. When you call the national number, it routes you to a local office based on what area code you call from.
I've had much better luck with the text hotlines than the phone ones. I think it's easier for them to just parrot a script at you while fake-listening if it's over the phone. With text they have to actually read your message before replying, and you can tell more quickly if they're not really engaged.
Remember that the help lines aren't meant to be therapy. They are just to help you out of a crisis but that's a very different skill and technique than if a therapist saw you regularly.
The one good thing is that even at the worst hotlines, the people on the other end of the phone can at least hook you up with resources even if they suck at talking. You can ask them for tips on finding a therapist, opening up to one, what self-help books and forums to try, what real life support groups to attend, and also they can direct you to financial support.
I think the urge to ctb is not properly understood by the medical profession or society. It seems to be life at all costs, which to me is wrong. It is your right to do what you want with your life. Nobody else should judge or say you cannot ctb. Everyone will die regardless of how or when. So when you're ready you should be allowed to go peacefully without having to resort to buying N,SN, Jumping, hanging etc.....
I think plenty of people understand very well, but they have to follow the laws even if they don't agree. That's very hard on a lot of therapists and is actually why some therapists don't take suicidal clients. It's because they know they can't talk as openly as needed to actually provide help, without also being obligated to report you to the cops. So they stay away altogether instead of providing "help" that they themselves know is bullshit.
The problem is that even if a patient is ok with suicide and wouldn't ever rat on the therapist, most grieving families would. And the therapists (reasonably) don't want to get slammed with lawsuits. Even if the family lost, it would be career-ending and traumatic for the therapist to even go through being sued.
The system is broken and keeps people from getting the help they need. If people didn't feel forced to hide or lie about their suicidal thoughts out of fear they'll get involuntarily committed to a shit inpatient hospital (and then end up fired, in debt, traumatized, etc) then they'd be able to honestly discuss those suicidal thoughts with therapists and maybe get some real help. But whoever writes laws either isn't aware or isn't concerned with people feeling better, they just want people to be not-dead.
