Discussion Suicide Earlier

[Hunter2005]

Does anyone regret not taking themselves out earlier? I ask this because the longer you wait to do it, it just gets worse.

 

[day]

I regret not doing HRT sooner rather than CTB. Feel like if I was quick enough to identify my problems I may have had a shot at being happy. Now I doubt I'll ever truthfully be comfortable with myself or identity.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah. I always thought that I would be dead before 18 and never reach adulthood. I was going to take myself out before I graduated college (I was on lostallhope back in 2021) and then after I graduated (in 2022) and then before 2023 and then before my 23rd birthday (around when I joined this site), but I didn't have the guts to. I'm planning to ctb before 25 though. 25 is my maximum exit point and I won't push it back any further because I won't get anything done if I keep doing that. I also feel like I'm destined to die young, I don't think that I was meant to enter the workforce or working world. I have an intense fear of entering the real world, maybe it's related to my past life or something. I think I have like past life trauma over this…

 

[hikikomorizombie]

absolutelyif my 1st attempt at 17 had worked, it would've saved me from yrs of more bs & devolvements. now i've waited too long & have nothing left to use as a driving force to kms :p so i'll be stuck in limbo for the foreseeable future.

 

[vak]

Yep, I'm 10 years late, nothing has changed and it would have saved me from so much pain

 

[piryohae3]

Not really because now I can say with absolute certainty that during my time alive I've tried my damned hardest to make it work and it just wasn't good enough. Now I can die with no regrets knowing that I did the best I could.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Yes and no.

If I CTBed right after I failed that would have saved me so much suffering and further failures - recovery is impossible. I had many good chances to CTB last year but I didn't do it. My situation hasn't gotten worse but it's not better either. I'm somewhere in between.

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course, in my case I'd certainly always believe the less time spent suffering in this existence the better, the more time spent trapped here just means more opportunities to suffer and I'd prefer to avoid all suffering no matter what. For me existence itself is the true problem, I have no interest in decaying from age in this cruel and harmful existence where one is just slowly dying with no limit as to how much one can be tormented.
Only eternal non-existence is desirable to me, I'd always prefer for this existence to peacefully disappear into nothingness but of course only never existing is true perfection.

 

[leyl]

My first attempt was at 13. It was a bit pathetic as i had no idea how to use that method properly (overdose). I've always been curious about stuff/knowing stuff and i was curious about the "far future", aka passing through the new decade: the 2020's. Would there be a lot of new crazy events i'd be missing if i die now? It was 2018 so i had no memory of the passing of new year of 2010, only turning 5 in that march and other memories but i was still oblivious about entering the "entering a new decade".
I attempted again many times before 2020. Now we're in 2024 and my mental state is worse than ever. I am grateful for the amazing people i have met, the events i got to experience but ultimately, i am not an incredibly achieved teenager, i'm not that smart, i am not that pretty. The only thing i have is my kindness i guess, and wanting the world to reach a level of peace that is delusional to expect of humans. Now that i'm 18 (almost 19), i can at least have these few more years of reflection under my belt. It's not out off desperation, i genuinely do not want to last long here.
So, as bad as it sounds, maybe i should've died at 13 and save myself from all this mental turmoil.

 

[tbroken]

Does anyone regret not taking themselves out earlier? I ask this because the longer you wait to do it, it just gets worse.

Sometimes yes, there were 2 times in my life, it was not getting that bad, but I had the right trigger and I wish i pushed for it... One thing that stops me, is that I like my life sometimes and it is better than many others's life, but not that good if i really think about it. What stops me is dreaming about how things could have been in different scenarios and my poor parents, or some friend or someone that I could still help in this life, or make at least is life worthy. But the truth is I'm broken, i have real problems that I evaded from and most of the people i met in my life are sociopaths or mentally hill or somewhat evil. If life is suffering, injustice or mess i just mdon't want to live. Plus I'm 30, the times of lots of energy and enthusiasm are over. Especially my parents are good people, they loved me, they worked hard and I broke their heart already in the past. Make them feel this pain and shame, even if they know the world around us is stupid and rotten, is something that stops me to take the final step.

 

[1sadtran]

Does anyone regret not taking themselves out earlier? I ask this because the longer you wait to do it, it just gets worse.

yes

 

[tbroken]

Does anyone regret not taking themselves out earlier? I ask this because the longer you wait to do it, it just gets worse.

Sometimes yes, there were 2 times in my life, it was not getting that bad, but I had the right trigger and I wish i pushed for it... One thing that stops me, is that I like my life sometimes and it is better than many others's life, but not that good if i really think about it. What stops me is dreaming about how things could have been in different scenarios and my poor parents, or some friend or someone that I could still help in this life, or make at least his life worthy. But the truth is I'm broken, i have real problems that I evaded from and most of the people i met in my life are sociopaths or somewhat evil. If life is suffering, injustice or mess i just don't want to live. Plus I'm 30, the times of lots of energy and enthusiasm are over. I also like studying, CS and Videogames and some times sports and now it is all social networks, bad behaviour and stuff, and I don't fit that much in this sh**t. Moreover my parents are good people, they worked hard, i hurt them already in the past and I really don't want to give them pain. Many times i think that if i was born at least 5 years earlier i would have scored better in life...

 

[Unknown21]

Me here, i wish I had taken my life earlier, bc my life always get worse progressively.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

I wish I had been successful at least on my second attempt, since my first attempt barely counted. I think the only thing making me prolong my suffering is trying to find a better method among other things.

 

[dragonofenvy]

I would've saved myself a lot of pain if I had been successful.

 

[divinemistress36]

Everybody's "Its gets better " lies kept me going to long should gave ended it at 30