Suicide date years in advance

[quietude]

I'm currently residing with my family at 19 and want to know if anyone else has this sort of thought process. Does anyone else set their date far in the future and then adjust whenever things happen that disturb the conditions necessary for their 'ideal' death?
I want to be moved out of my family's home, as I do not want to disturb this already unstable home environment even more. (High-strung, slightly verbally abusive mother; teenage brother who's probably sick of my shit at this point; Mother's boyfriend #516 with a smoking problem and similarly aggressive.) I don't want to die under the same roof as these people, so I want to achieve certain things before I CTB, e.g., finish my degree, get my own place, find a good home for my cat so he won't have to watch me pass, etc.

Does anyone else think about it this way?

 

[kagebunshin]

When I was a teen, I promised myself I'd ctb at 27 because of the auspicious number. I got through so many toughs times relying on that fact. Then 27 came and I was so deep in my eating disorder that I wasn't actively suicidal, just obsessed with losing weight, so I lived on. Only after recovering from my ed did I lose any last will to live, so attempted (and obviously failed) at age 29.

I think setting a ctb date years into the future, especially as a young person such as yourself, has pros and cons. It can help you battle through hard times, sure. But it can also hold you back from building a life for yourself. I never bothered working hard for my future because I didn't believe I had a future. I was just existing day to day.

But if it stops you from ctb now then by all means, pick some date in the future. Hold onto it to get through the agony of now. I'd just suggest not putting all of your eggs into that basket and pretend like you have a future just in case.