Suicide by anoxeria

[FireFox]

I found a way to kill myself successfully without it looking like a sucide.

I have been suffering from anoxeria since my early 20s. I regularly abuse laxatives which has caused me to be constantly ill and tired all the time. The laxatives have caused my heart rate to beat abnormally. In August 2022 I overdid it with the laxative abusing and I thought my heart was going to stop.

I realise if I leave my anoxeria untreated it will kill me eveuntaully which is what I have always wanted.

 

[nightlygem]

I fear this process will be painful. Not only will your organs slowly start to fail, If you are found in a deep state like this, you will most likely be hospitalized and "force fed" some IVs.
Of course, I wish you best of luck regardless. As someone who suffered with anorexia, I can understand the deep desire to die like this.

 

[PinballWizard39]

Ok, so I did this. Or set out to do it. A few years back now. I was a revolving door patient, always in and out of hospital and nothing really changing. This particular time I just decided - that's it, the longer I go without food, the sooner I will die. That was my mindset. In no way at all was it easy and in no way would I recommend this to anyone. I thought I would die long before I got to the weight I did. I could deal with chest pain, the exhaustion, even the muscle wastage to an extent. But then I started going blind, so I panicked, I started eating a bit more - I wanted to die, not go blind. However, as much as I increased my intake a bit more, it just fell off faster. My flat became my jail cell. I couldn't tell anyone what was going on so I isolated myself from everyone - that was hell on earth as all I wanted was to tell someone how awful I felt. Day by day, week by week, I became so weak, I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't shower without needing a lie down, I couldn't put my socks on or get off the couch, I couldn't lift my duvet off me to get out of bed, and in the end, I couldn't even support my own head without some 'manual' help with my hands. Anything I did manage to do, was followed by a lie down. Long story short, it was the blindness that freaked me into admitted what I was doing. I was admitted to hospital straight away weighing in at a BMI of 9, I had severe muscle wastage, my organs were all failing, I developed psychosis, and to top it all, I ended up temporarily brain damaged and lost the ability to even communicate effectively for several months. Whilst it is a miracle I survive, I suffered PTSD from that alone. Nowadays I still have issues with communicating effectively. To this day I still wish I had died - being told if I'd stayed home one more day and I wouldn't have made it - makes it feel all the more crappy - I came so close.
Whilst I understand the appeal, sometimes it doesn't pan out like you planned and could even end up being worse than actually dying.

 

[albstr1403]

I have pancreatic enzyme deficiency and I've been wasting away until I found out what was wrong with me.
It's not fun and not comfortable not absorbing calories. It felt like torture.
I think if you don't eat you just live in agony until you're found, then put on some machine/force fed and left to deal with all the damage/side effects afterwards :(

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I tried to do that in my teens. All it did was give me permanent health issues and cause me to spend years of my life going absolutely nowhere.

An ED is quite effective as a coping mechanism, but as a suicide method it's probably one of the most painful and unreliable.

 

[leaftomb]

I've thought about that too, but I'm at a healthy weight right now and I honestly have no clue if I'll actually make it long enough for this to kill me. Glad to know I'm not the only one thinking about this tho

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I would have been dead so no
When you starve your body for long enough, you get psychotic
And if you are on this site, you're probably already mentally ill so don't make it worse by not eating it's not pretty

 

[FireFox]

I fear this process will be painful. Not only will your organs slowly start to fail, If you are found in a deep state like this, you will most likely be hospitalized and "force fed" some IVs.
Of course, I wish you best of luck regardless. As someone who suffered with anorexia, I can understand the deep desire to die like this.

@nightlygem I live in the UK and it's very difficult to get put in a mental facility if a person self harms or attempts suicide even multiple attempts dont even get you committed. In the USA if a person announces they are suicidal or try to kill themselves they are quickly put on a facility.

This is how hard it is to get put in a mental facility in the UK.

If a doctor or family member express concern about your mental health and believe you should be put in to a facility they can make an application for you to be sectioned.

Two doctors and an Approved Mental Health Professional (AMHP) who can be a social worker or someone working in healthcare all have to agree on the decision to have you sectioned.

The NHS because of lack of resources due the service being overstretched will have to decide whether getting you committed or sectioned as we call is necessary for your wellbing.

 

[1043169]

I get this. Really do. I heard about. VSED and I'm obsessed.

But it's probably not very practical and cause a lot of needless pain.

 

[findingquiet]

It will take you a long, long time, and will be very painful. It wasn't an intentional suicide but it's how my mother left this earth.

You will watch your mind go in a way you could not have expected. I do not advocate this method.

 

[FireFox]

Ok, so I did this. Or set out to do it. A few years back now. I was a revolving door patient, always in and out of hospital and nothing really changing. This particular time I just decided - that's it, the longer I go without food, the sooner I will die. That was my mindset. In no way at all was it easy and in no way would I recommend this to anyone. I thought I would die long before I got to the weight I did. I could deal with chest pain, the exhaustion, even the muscle wastage to an extent. But then I started going blind, so I panicked, I started eating a bit more - I wanted to die, not go blind. However, as much as I increased my intake a bit more, it just fell off faster. My flat became my jail cell. I couldn't tell anyone what was going on so I isolated myself from everyone - that was hell on earth as all I wanted was to tell someone how awful I felt. Day by day, week by week, I became so weak, I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't shower without needing a lie down, I couldn't put my socks on or get off the couch, I couldn't lift my duvet off me to get out of bed, and in the end, I couldn't even support my own head without some 'manual' help with my hands. Anything I did manage to do, was followed by a lie down. Long story short, it was the blindness that freaked me into admitted what I was doing. I was admitted to hospital straight away weighing in at a BMI of 9, I had severe muscle wastage, my organs were all failing, I developed psychosis, and to top it all, I ended up temporarily brain damaged and lost the ability to even communicate effectively for several months. Whilst it is a miracle I survive, I suffered PTSD from that alone. Nowadays I still have issues with communicating effectively. To this day I still wish I had died - being told if I'd stayed home one more day and I wouldn't have made it - makes it feel all the more crappy - I came so close.
Whilst I understand the appeal, sometimes it doesn't pan out like you planned and could even end up being worse than actually dying.

@PinballWizard39 Virtual hug and thank you so much for sharing your experience.

I came close to death 2 years ago while abusing laxatives. I was absolutely terrified even though I have been wanting to die since 21.

It's strange how the minute you realise your own existence is close to coming to an end life suddenly becomes beautiful. I still can't believe how I was in wonder and awe at waking up the next day and looking outside the window at how beautiful the sun and sky was, it felt like I was seeing it for the first time. That day I finally began to understand when people say waking up is a blessing.

My outlook did change for a bit and yes my life did begin to improve. Everything was going so well until it all came crashing down like an avalanche in 2023. I went from having the best year of my life in 2022 to the worst year of my life in 2023. Starting from New Years Day a string of things kept going wrong for me in all areas of my life even simple things were going wrong. I had 1 year of straight bad luck I couldn't believe how rapidly everything went wrong. Its another crazy long story

These events along with the intense emotional pain of everything going wrong in my life drove me back to laxative abusing. I finally had a nervous breakdown last month at 27 because of everything that I went through last year People in my life think I am dramatic for depressed over everything that happened to me and tell me the bullshit pharse "everything happens for a reason".

The events of last year are the reason why I actually want to die again, I kept fighting and fighting but I finally had enough of life. That year finally broke me as a person.

I hope one day my heart stops beating because I can't do it anymore.

 

[FireFox]

It will take you a long, long time, and will be very painful. It wasn't an intentional suicide but it's how my mother left this earth.

You will watch your mind go in a way you could not have expected. I do not advocate this method.

@findingquiet Rest in Peace to your mum

I tried to do that in my teens. All it did was give me permanent health issues and cause me to spend years of my life going absolutely nowhere.

An ED is quite effective as a coping mechanism, but as a suicide method it's probably one of the most painful and unreliable.

@Lady Laudanum Thanks for sharing your story

Dying slowly doesn't scare me anymore because everyday I can feel my soul and myself dying.

Everyday when I look in the mirror to see my eyes all I see is nothing deep inside. What I mean by nothing is no spark, no warmth, no joy and all I see an empty tunnel . I don't recognise my reflection anymore all I see is a stranger behind the glass mirror. I don't even have the flu but everyday I feel flu like, i dont understand this . Just like the flu I am chronically exhausted all the time, I keep crying with my eyes being with my eyes puffed up and I struggle with breathing sometimes due to stress and anxiety.

My body no longer feels under my control but under the control of something else, a darker entity. Everyday I feel it. Having an eating disorder along with suicidal thoughts feels like having a doppelganger within you that stalks, shadows your life and slowly works to steal everything good you have in your life until it finally takes over your life.
As grow older I realise now people die from suicide not because their bodies succumbed to the illness but because the illness, the doppelganger won in taking total dominance of that person's body, mind and soul.

 

[voirpoet.]

I found a way to kill myself successfully without it looking like a sucide.

I have been suffering from anoxeria since my early 20s. I regularly abuse laxatives which has caused me to be constantly ill and tired all the time. The laxatives have caused my heart rate to beat abnormally. In August 2022 I overdid it with the laxative abusing and I thought my heart was going to stop.

I realise if I leave my anoxeria untreated it will kill me eveuntaully which is what I have always wanted.

This is an unnecessarily long and painful process I dont think you want to go through with that