lost_ange1
An angel who wants to go home..
- May 29, 2024
- 156
Hey there,
I'm new here so please beare with me. I just wanted to talk a bit about my increasing suicidal thoughts.
It all started as a teenager, back then I was not really aware of how bad it was I just remember being damn scared to go to a therapist or even near a psych ward. Had nightmares about it so I kept it too myself. After years they magically (can't explain or recall why) went away.
It's been some time since then I'm in my mid 20ies now and have been dealing with suicidal thoughts for about 5 years on and off but my mind has never come to rest longer than a few weeks and recently there isn't even one single day I can't think about passing away. They are combined with a increasing desire to SH, I had a failed attempt back a few years ago and that was the start of my psych ward and therapy experience. And still it seems to not help at least not in the way I want. I think it made some things worse for me as I realized some stuff I would've never or rarely done without therapy or working on myself. It changed me.. to the better or to the worse?
If anything I've become more violent in my imagination of how I could do it or how SH could help ease the pain and negative energy floating through my veins. But it's also lots of pressure; I don't want to fail another time, I want to get it right the next time and just hope I can work out a good plan and be able to go through with it and won't experience failure again .. can you relate?
I'm new here so please beare with me. I just wanted to talk a bit about my increasing suicidal thoughts.
It all started as a teenager, back then I was not really aware of how bad it was I just remember being damn scared to go to a therapist or even near a psych ward. Had nightmares about it so I kept it too myself. After years they magically (can't explain or recall why) went away.
It's been some time since then I'm in my mid 20ies now and have been dealing with suicidal thoughts for about 5 years on and off but my mind has never come to rest longer than a few weeks and recently there isn't even one single day I can't think about passing away. They are combined with a increasing desire to SH, I had a failed attempt back a few years ago and that was the start of my psych ward and therapy experience. And still it seems to not help at least not in the way I want. I think it made some things worse for me as I realized some stuff I would've never or rarely done without therapy or working on myself. It changed me.. to the better or to the worse?
If anything I've become more violent in my imagination of how I could do it or how SH could help ease the pain and negative energy floating through my veins. But it's also lots of pressure; I don't want to fail another time, I want to get it right the next time and just hope I can work out a good plan and be able to go through with it and won't experience failure again .. can you relate?
