Venting Suicidal Thoughts Never Go Away

[RedPanda]

Yes, you, I'm talking to you, whoever is reading this. Just face it, even if you feel like you've "recovered", they lie dormant. They never, ever go away. They will live with you for the rest of your insufferable life.

You have no escape on Earth. It will follow you everywhere. These thoughts are a part of you. You cannot detach yourself from suicidal thoughts.

Recovery is non-existent. You just find ways to distract yourself by focusing on other activities.

 

[FuneralCry]

This is true in my opinion. I think once someone seriously considers suicide the thoughts are embedded in their mind, you cannot really go back. You can try to move on but if you end up in a crisis again your mind is likely to automatically consider suicide without realising. Thoughts of death always lurk around in my mind, they would just come back even if I tried to get rid of them.

 

[DarkWolf]

I think this is especially true if you were suicidal as a child/teen. It's an ingrained thought process.
My car breaks down - kill yourself
Someone says something mean and my brain overreacts. - kill yourself
Weather is too hot - kill yourself
Get sick - kill yourself
Struggling at work - kill yourself
It's ridulous, every little thing makes me suicidal. I know it's sounds absurd but that how it is for me.
I have only 2 options:
1. Learn to live with being chroncially suicidal
2. Kill myself
Not much of a choice.

After my first attempt people kept suggesting Meds as if you could medicate over a decades worth if suicidal thoughts away forever.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I've come to the same conclusion since I decided to give life a shot last January.

I'm much better. I'm working, studying, reading, cleaning up my apartment everyday, meeting new people both online and in real life, etc.

However, suicide will always be on my mind. It's in my genes. It's just part of me.

 

[motel rooms]

Ignore this thread if you've just been dumped for the first time in your life

 

[Superdeterminist]

Well, that's a rather grim condemnation. While probably true for me, I wouldn't speak for anyone else.

 

[nopointofliving]

I agree on this. It's true. I'm just surviving the moment, the exit will be nothing but death.

 

[oned1saster]

I can feel your words deeply. Everytime I have this "recovery" feeling like "hey, maybe I'm not depressed at all! life is good!" I get this huge slap in the face by reality... happiness is just temporary. The urge to end it all is very much present, though

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

For me is 100% true. But I don't think it's true for everybody. In my case I can't recover, because my biggest reason is that I find life pointless. So suicide will be always on my mind.

But if somebody has a "temporary" problem which can be somehow "solved", he/she could be actually "recovered". It really depends on the situation. Many problems we can't simply solve.

 

[heretogethelp]

I agree, there always at the back of my mind, i just distract myself. That's all.

 

[motel rooms]

I don't want them to go away. They're the only voice of reason in my head

 

[newave3]

Suicidal ideation is so embedded in the synapses of my brain that nothing distracts me from it. I think about offing myself from the moment I wake up until the moment I take all my medications and go to sleep.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

I've never really healed. I'm just trying to make it through until I have a painless way to kill myself. So far I'm distracting myself by trying to get a six pack.

 

[Joplin]

Suicidal ideation is more common than most people would think. My opinion is that there are just people that see suicide as a viable option and/or have life trauma or mental health concerns that motivate this choice and others who write it off entirely because of religion or their situation improves etc and then never think about it again. Those of us who consider it a possibility will over time cement those neural pathways and make the thought process our go-to in times of struggle.

Also thinking that we have a "way out" is relieving. At least temporarily. For me its an escape that means we are not stuck or not controlled by our environment. In fact, Suicidal thoughts is probably our way of controlling things.

 

[RedHarlequin]

The worst thing is when you're not interested in absolutely anything and can't even distract yourself. So the thoughts are there all the time.

 

[isitover010]

The worst thing is when you're not interested in absolutely anything and can't even distract yourself. So the thoughts are there all the time.

omfg this. not only not interested, i hate people, my hobbies, my job, eating… there's basically nothing that comes to mind that i don't hate. sometimes my piano and cat i don't hate, but there are still days..