Suicidal thoughts came after noticing I will always be trans...

[AriasRed]

A few days ago I was correcting one of my documents to state my real gender and a name that actually fits me, but then I got misgendered repeatedly by the people working there. They could see that my birth certificade had the male sex marked, yet they were she/her/ma'amding me. That just showed me that no matter how far I go into my transitioning process, I will never be a cis man. My gender won't ever be taken seriously because people only care about my genitals and then apply bioessentialism to my existence. I probably won't ever exist as myself without getting to the point where I look so much like a guy that I won't have to mention my transness ever again. I hate that. I wish people could just see me as a guy without so much effort on my part.

Right now, I want to ask if there's any advice one can give for being dysphoric over the fact that I wasn't born a cis man? Preferably from another trans person. I really don't want to end up by doing CTB for something I have no control over. While I'm at the very beginning of my transitioning process, I don't want to do everything that I could to be myself and still feel like it wasn't enough.

 

[Lulzacruel]

im not trans, but in my experience, all of the trans men i have met get to a point where they pass. sometimes i didn't even know that one of the guys I've met was a trans man till very later, im talking about a year after having met him. in italy we have some transphobia especially if you go to the more rural areas, which is why he never told me until alcohol loosened his lips and it somehow slipped during a conversation.

i got a little off track, but my point is that you will eventually be at one with your identity, and those workers are either blind to the gender mark on the certificate or are just being intentional assholes

i suggest that you dont dwell on it too much.

 

[Freyja13]

In my experience what has helped me is viewing these people as hopelessly ignorant and lazy (not worth your time) as well as connecting with other trans people and sharing experiences and stories. I feel like my feelings are actually valid and that I'm not some hideous monster when I spend time with other trans people. For the most part I've given up trying to talk to cis people about my experiences. I know it can be hard to reach out to strangers but it's worth it if you can push yourself. Try to find a local support group or an online group. Sending you much love brother

 

[RedHates]

I'm also trans and I constantly get misgendered but I kinda feel like its my fault lol. I am way too scared to correct anyone but its not like they would respect it anyway. I'm pre everything and I barely look androgynous. I know I will never be a cis dude either and it does disappoint me, but those were the cards I was dealt. I just have to try and play them to my comfort and advantage. I'm sorry you have to go through this shit too.

I hope you get to the point where you dont have to worry about being misgendered anymore. If you ever need support in the meantime, my DMs are always open.

 

[NoLightRemains]

Gender dysphoria is a lifelong struggle, unfortunately. But transition can help ease the pain. I came out as trans about 14 years ago, and my views on my identity have been all over the place over the years. Lately I've been working on accepting that I was born male, and it's ok if some people see me as a man or gender me male. I'll never be a cis woman and I can live with that for now. Funnily enough it caused me the most pain earlier on when I didn't pass very well, but now that I pass better it stings less.
I can't control this unfortunate reality or how others perceive me, I just have to do my best to be comfortable in my body. I hope you will find peace in your body someday.

 

[inanna]

The irony is suicide is something you can control but it implies completely surrendering control to the unknown void..

 

[puppy_lix]

A few days ago I was correcting one of my documents to state my real gender and a name that actually fits me, but then I got misgendered repeatedly by the people working there. They could see that my birth certificade had the male sex marked, yet they were she/her/ma'amding me. That just showed me that no matter how far I go into my transitioning process, I will never be a cis man. My gender won't ever be taken seriously because people only care about my genitals and then apply bioessentialism to my existence. I probably won't ever exist as myself without getting to the point where I look so much like a guy that I won't have to mention my transness ever again. I hate that. I wish people could just see me as a guy without so much effort on my part.

Right now, I want to ask if there's any advice one can give for being dysphoric over the fact that I wasn't born a cis man? Preferably from another trans person. I really don't want to end up by doing CTB for something I have no control over. While I'm at the very beginning of my transitioning process, I don't want to do everything that I could to be myself and still feel like it wasn't enough.

Hey! As a trans guy, I get how you're feeling. I was out in my high school, and most of the staff knew that I was trans, was going by he/him, and being called by my preferred name (I haven't legally changed my name yet). I had this one specific lady who worked in the office who refuse to acknowledge me by the right stuff. At one point, she even asked me how it worked and what it was like. She still didn't care, and continued deadnaming me and emphasizing the wrong pronouns.

I also had a few people from elementary school that got estranged come up to me, and call me by my old name and use the wrong pronouns. They didn't know, but I had cut my hair and was on T for a few months, so there were some visual and auditory changes. I felt stupid to think that I could get rid of "past me".

There's been a ton more experiences that were discouraging like that, but it boiled down to feeling secure and sure of yourself. A guy I dated before I came out deadnamed me as I passed him in public, and I chose to answer him with a smile. People are going to criticize you and hold their own beliefs about you in general and whatever group you belong to, but those opinions and words do not define you. Only you can define you. You don't have to give others that much power.

The truth is what you've stated, but why give all the technicalities that much weight? For my mental health and well being, I chose to exist regardless of what others think because in the end, they're not living my life. I am. Own your identity- whether it be identifying as just "male" or as "trans male". You're valid regardless of it all. Also, I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! Your documents finally reflect who you really are!!<333

I hope this makes sense! I wish you the very best.

 

[Coldpizza22]

I don't know any trans people personally, but I've talked to a few online. Sometimes i accidentally use the wrong pronoun, but I'll correct myself. You can't force people to use your preferred pronouns, but don't be afraid to say your preferred to them. If one of my friend to me their preferred pronouns I'd use them. Sometimes it's hard to know with people who look gender neutral, I'm not sure which one i should use.

Just a related question. I once talked to a trans guy and he once used a female pronoun when referring to himself. It was just once when referring to himself. I think he was talking about some upsetting experience. Does that have any deeper meaning or just a grammatical error?