Venting Suicidal, Not Depressed

[ObscureSunshine]

I am suicidal, not depressed. I have been told by 7ish psychiatrists that I am not a candidate for treatment & I should not take space from someone who needs it more that me(I live the United States).

I do my best to appreciate & enjoy each day, mostly for those I care about, but also, why not make lemonade if I am stuck with lemons.

Naomi Judd's ctb & then the gentleman who streamed his on here reminded me that even those of us who manage for decades aren't necessarily in a "better" place, or necessarily figured out anything special.

I keep my ctb materials up to date. There are periods where I carry them with me. This urge feels exactly like every other urge inside me- natural. Accepting it is a matter of when not if, and that this urge is not good or bad, it is how I am, has relaxed me again.

For the moment, I will continue to be joyfully suicidal, praying each night not to wake up.

 

[The Schizoid]

It sounds then that you may just be passively suicidal. You deal with some of your emotional issues through imaginations of suicide being a way out of your pain. It's a back up plan.

You are suicidal as a way to cope maybe?

If you're not depressed, then what issues do you actually have? Do you have strong urges to self harm/suicide?

If 7 psychiatrists told you you're not a candidate for therapy then it sounds like you're either not communicating your issues well enough with them, or they may think you're just looking for attention.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I often wonder about this. How 'normal' mentally can you be and still have ideation? I definitely couldn't say I was happy in life but I doubt I have more than mild to moderate depression and if that's true- I've had it the vast majority of my life- literally over 30 years. I think it's a terribly important issue for them to work out. Are all people who have ideation mentally ill to some extent? Does all mental illness mean incomptency or, can a person still make rational enough decisions? We need those questions answered so that assisted suicide can be offered to those suffering with mental illness as well as physical.

Your situation though OP- what a complete farce! You don't qualify for us to actually give a shit about you but you know- don't kill yourself or anything. How wonderfully supportive.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I don't think that you have to be actually depressed to be suicidal. Do you have an idea what makes you suicidal? What triggers your thoughts about it?