Suicidal ideation Verse actually wanting to carry it out

[Paralyzed boy]

Basically I made a super long post joining here. I've been having extreme health problems which have only been getting worse day by day I have limited mobility in my body my shoulders and my fingers. Everything has deteriorated so fast and obviously I self Hate myself for not getting a second opinion and not consulting my family doctor before the pain has become unbearable and I have severely impaired function.

i've been on antidepressants and they are actually working. The problem is now instead of wanting to want to see where ddegenerative health conditions take me. The problem is I feel like the antidepressants have made me become more anxious about my future now that I'm learning to live and I feel like it's only going to prolong my suffering because of how Limited capacity I can live life on. At this point the only thing I can do is sit and watch TV and put a spoon into my mouth to eat. I have parents that love me no doubt but Don't understand the physical implications of my injuries and what is actually happening to my body. Whenever they talk about my future telling me I can just find another job I Get overwhelmed considering I have live with the mistake of not speaking up while my shoulder was getting worse and now I am struggling to spoonfeed myself because of my negligence. I have come to live such a degenerative life since my condition has gotten so bad my physical limitations And barely being able to use your fingers and shoulders can make your life pretty miserable pretty quickly.

I saw a really good Post here where physical pain has to be fixed first before mental pain. Unfortunately for me my physical pain has not been addressed and it's so debilitating it's led me to the state of feeling like I have lost everything including my future. I also have severe limitations that I am completely relying on my parents to prepare my food

I don't know if mental illness will ever leave me because of my physical limitations at this point and see my body to continually deteriorate So rapidly because I failed to get medical help earlier into my work injury that could have prevented this and I'm only at the young age of 23. Ever since I've been on antidepressants I'm constantly fighting this battle between being anxious of the future being anxious or tomorrow That it consumes me because I'm constantly reminded of how badly I fucked up my life. Without the antidepressants I kind of felt peace knowing that one day or I wouldn't be able to take it anymore and I would execute a plan and taking it day by day was my only goal.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I saw a really good Post here where physical pain has to be fixed first before mental pain.

Yeah that was my post and I don´t think it get adressed enough anywhere actually because all your focus and energy will be on the immediate physical problems so we have no spare energy to try and fight mental problems.

 

[LastRide]

It's an interesting question - what are you going to try and deal with first, physical or mental pain? But the problem is they are related. If you are in a bad mental shape, you will start neglecting your physical wellbeing, which will lead to all sorts of problems in time. If you are in a lot of physical pain and have no good medical attention to work out a permanent solution to it, then you will at some point start to be depressed, feel useless and anxious about your future and your place in society. In both cases, you'll end up in a downward spiral of problems and in the end you will not even be able to differentiate what caused what and how it all came about. And then you spiral to the bottom and you end up just wanting it to end.