I do spend a lot of time planning out my CTB and considering methods when I have a particularly bad day. But I do realize it is not the best way to spend your time, even if you do end up CTB. So instead I'm trying to ground myself and find any sources of comfort I can get when I have a particularly bad day. I spend a lot of time just sitting in the shower and feeling the water wash over me, or even just sticking my hands under a faucet and focusing on the sensation when I get particularly overwhelmed with dark thoughts. I eat a lot of snack-type food, and drink hot or cold drinks (depending on the season). I spend lots of time wrapped up in a blanket, laying/sitting in my bed (unless it's really hot), it gives me a bit of a comfy feeling. I listen to loud music, sometimes it's sad songs that help me have a good cry, sometimes it is something really heavy and angry like black metal that helps me reach a sort of a catharsis, and sometimes it's 80s and 90s songs that cheer me up - it depends on how I'm feeling on that particular day. Sometimes I watch videos that are engaging but don't require a lot of focus or emotional investment - I rewatch movies and TV shows that make me feel nostalgic, I watch people play together or draw on YouTube or Twitch, or just watch random videos that pop up in my YouTube feed and seem interesting (as long as they are not political or otherwise potentially upsetting). I have a couple of old games that I like to play from time to time (Heroes of Might and Magic III kind of old). When I feel too low to focus on anything, I watch the dreaded TikTok - my feed is all animal and nature videos and random satisfying videos of people doing arts and crafts, it is pretty mindless but calming, and also usually helps me fall asleep, which is also something I do a lot when I'm really low. I don't know if any of that could help you - but maybe there's a chance?
