Venting Suicidal due to stupidity

[Pentobartbital]

Has anyone felt the urge to commit suicide because of near-total obtuseness?

One of the worst aspects of living with Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD) is the dense brain fog that follows. I can't read much if at all. My once eloquent and comprehensive writing is gone. The uniquely fluid love I once had for passionate debate and thorough discussion has been tempered with frigid, concrete-thick viscosity.

It's not just knowing that I have the mind of a child that cuts so bad, it's having that mocking iota of self-awareness that really plunges deep inside. I never considered myself particularly intelligent, rational or bright, although I sorely miss the days I could talk with people and make them feel like they're not wasting their time.

I'm not able to convey how embarrassing it is to view a scholarly discussion and see it like a complete moron would a shimmering ring of keys. Having others I look up to withdraw and not even bother to dumb things down when I ask questions. Not being to write out a simple response because the very idea of applying myself intellectually is like being asked to disarm an entire minefield blindfolded.

I hate it. I hate being in my late twenties and not even having a full year of relevant job experience in my desired career. I hate how doctors flagrantly refuse to listen and think PSSD is psychosomatic if not outright psychotic because the drug sales representatives assured them of efficacy and safety. I hate how I was uninformed. I hate being an insecure, unhinged shell of a person. Feeling like this has opened my eyes to how Darwinian the world can be, but at the same time how disappointingly obsessed with sanctimony it is too. I want it to end.

 

[Meretlein]

Hey, it's nice to see you back here. I was missing seeing you around.

You still seem perfectly articulate to me, I know it may feel different inside though.

Is there no known treatment for PSSD?

 

[Pentobartbital]

@Meretlein

thank you. My memory is so bad, I can barely recall who you are outside of your name.

I had to do numerous edits to my post in addition to writing it. This process nearly took thirty minutes (!) which is inordinately large for mere paragraphs. I also notice how oddly redundant I can be, which makes my flow clunky if not awkward or ludicrous.

As for treatment, PSSD is not recognised as a kind of iatrogenesis. Prescribers aren't even aware of protracted withdrawal, let alone persistent sexual dysfunction and cognitive decline post-regimen. I am a part of other forums including those affected by PSSD, but the sheer amount of substances and planning feels implausible to engage in my current state.

There's dozens of accounts where those affected only partially regain function, some after years of aggressive lifestyle changes. My current living conditions and unemployment make any headway nightmarish and in contrast the idea of quaffing poison seems much less complicated and cruelly insufferable.

 

[Etherealdignity333]

Your command of the English language is delightful and your lexicon plentiful.

I'm sorry you are feeling like it isn't.

 

[Donewith_]

You always made people feel better with your comforting words, good advise.. you were good to people, and used to brighten up their day.
I am sorry you are feeling a bit down now.. we all have our lowest times when we feel very bad. We are human after all.

And its good that.. you feel this need (or wish) to help people.. but, if that is not possible.. that doesn't make you any less of a good person. Good to see you here :)

I hope dealing with this phase will be a bit tolerable for you .. and hope you feel better and happy soon.

 

[Pistolero114]

Has anyone felt the urge to commit suicide because of near-total obtuseness?

One of the worst aspects of living with Post SSRI Sexual Dysfunction (PSSD) is the dense brain fog that follows. I can't read much if at all. My once eloquent and comprehensive writing is gone. The uniquely fluid love I once had for passionate debate and thorough discussion has been tempered with frigid, concrete-thick viscosity.

It's not just knowing that I have the mind of a child that cuts so bad, it's having that mocking iota of self-awareness that really plunges deep inside. I never considered myself particularly intelligent, rational or bright, although I sorely miss the days I could talk with people and make them feel like they're not wasting their time.

I'm not able to convey how embarrassing it is to view a scholarly discussion and see it like a complete moron would a shimmering ring of keys. Having others I look up to withdraw and not even bother to dumb things down when I ask questions. Not being to write out a simple response because the very idea of applying myself intellectually is like being asked to disarm an entire minefield blindfolded.

I hate it. I hate being in my late twenties and not even having a full year of relevant job experience in my desired career. I hate how doctors flagrantly refuse to listen and think PSSD is psychosomatic if not outright psychotic because the drug sales representatives assured them of efficacy and safety. I hate how I was uninformed. I hate being an insecure, unhinged shell of a person. Feeling like this has opened my eyes to how Darwinian the world can be, but at the same time how disappointingly obsessed with sanctimony it is too. I want it to end.

I would like to go in record as saying that I believe your command of the English language is still there. There is indeed; in my opinion; a certain & sad eloquence to these few lines of prose. If you've decided to stay around in the middle of the "Normies" as I like to call them; perhaps a few more lines of eloquently arranged stanzas here for those of us who yearn for that very action of civil but spirited debate would be possible? I have found more astounding and formidable intellects here than at any other place/point in my sixty miserable years. In closing I would state this of your intellect and language abilities:

HEAR HEAR!!!!!