Suicidal but scared of death/dying

[killedbypsychiatry]

anyone else suicidal everyday but scared of death? Scared of infinite nothingness? And scared of the process of dying. My fear is stopping me but I do want to die (I think)

 

[Silver]

Not unusual. Wanting and thinking of dying is different to attempting to die. And survival instinct plays a big part and is hard to overcome.

 

[booray]

I'm becoming less scared about dying as I become more scared about living, or more precisely, continuing to exist.

 

[thundercat]

I'm also becoming less scared of dying the worse life gets. What I'm afraid of is if my actions cause pain/prolonged pain and whether or not God would hate me for it

 

[fred farkle]

I have been suffering for two years,thi king about that bus!! Its not an easy thing.

 

[sadworld]

Yes, I'm scared of death. If I knew what would happen after I die I might be less scared...
The process of dying scares me as well and sometimes I feel like there is still some hope left or reasons to keep going for a while...

 

[1234567890987654321]

anyone else suicidal everyday but scared of death? Scared of infinite nothingness? And scared of the process of dying. My fear is stopping me but I do want to die (I think)

Yes, me too. I feel the same like you and deeply sympathize with you!

 

[WornOutLife]

Being scared of the eternal nothingness is pointless because if you don't exist and there is really nothing, you won't realize. Just like the time before we were born!

Now, let's go with "crazier theories:"

1) There is a hell/heaven:

Okay, if we go to heaven, I think it will suck but I bet this planet is the true hell. If there's a paradise, COOL! Let's have some fun there.

2) Reincarnation:

We might be reincarnated! Maybe a better life, maybe a worse life. There's nothing we can do about it.

3) Become ghosts:

Maybe, when you ctb, you just become a ghost in agony who wanders around a haunted house or the planet. It will probably be boring. (unless you can scare people lol)

4) Simulation theory:

We're actually living in a simulation, like the Matrix, and once we die, we simply log out. You'll know your real self and meaning of life once you're out.


These are the only possibilities I can think of so, I'm not really scared of death. What really scares the sh*t out of me is the pain and the chances of failure if I try to ctb (again).

 

[1234567890987654321]

Being scared of the eternal nothingness is pointless because if you don't exist and there is really nothing, you won't realize. Just like the time before we were born!

Now, let's go with "crazier theories:"

1) There is a hell/heaven:

Okay, if we go to heaven, I think it will suck but I bet this planet is the true hell. If there's a paradise, COOL! Let's have some fun there.

2) Reincarnation:

We might be reincarnated! Maybe a better life, maybe a worse life. There's nothing we can do about it.

3) Become ghosts:

Maybe, when you ctb, you just become a ghost in agony who wanders around a haunted house or the planet. It will probably be boring. (unless you can scare people lol)

4) Simulation theory:

We're actually living in a simulation, like the Matrix, and once we die, we simply log out. You'll know your real self and meaning of life once you're out.


These are the only possibilities I can think of so, I'm not really scared of death. What really scares the sh*t out of me is the pain and the chances of failure if I try to ctb (again).

I disagree with the crazy theories, but the eternal nothingness still scares me (idk why). But at some point it's better than still being alive, depressed and anxious

 

[muffin222]

I understand. I'm scared of the physical experience of dying more than the prospect of no longer existing itself. Dying itself just sounds so unpleasant

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I'm about equally worried about the afterlife as I am about the future if I keep living for a couple of decades more (tech, geopolitics, resources, climate, etc). I have no way of getting good, reliable information but have some alright-ish guesses. I think the only fear I'll feel when I ctb is going to stem from the SI, not cognition.

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

I'm also becoming less scared of dying the worse life gets

I think I need to let my illness progress more for the SI to decrease...

I'm scared of the physical experience of dying

What scares me the most is the mental experience of dying... like if I take SN I will be 20 minutes AWARE that I am dying and this will be my last time on earth. I am scared the SI thoughts/grief will get strong.

 

[AutoTap]

Yes, I'm scared of death. If I knew what would happen after I die I might be less scared...
The process of dying scares me as well and sometimes I feel like there is still some hope left or reasons to keep going for a while...

This exactly

 

[lifesucksxoxo]

When ur in constant pain and u can't endure it.. u will get less scared of death

 

[Bigpink]

I'm not scared of death itself, the process or worse a failed attempt is what concerns me. I think of all those years I wasn't here and all the future times I won't and that gives me immense satisfaction

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

I'm scared of the experience of dying and the afterlife

 

[Panna]

It's more how my family would cope than the fear of death to be honest. Yesterday, I had this especially reinforced when the ladder I was on slipped off the roof, causing me to fall seven feet down, with both hands full of tools. There wasn't any fear at the moment, it was pure excitement. I gashed my leg a bit but the pain didnt even register compared to that moment. I was a bit like you when I first became depressed, the fear of nothing, the fear of disappearing forever, but overtime I overcame this with the thought of that first memory that you have upon coming into existance, in my mind this is proof that something will come after, and that thought is so exciting to me. The possibility of something far better waiting once you finally do pass on.

 

[PeacefulStars]

I just don't want an innocent person to come upon me after expiration and be mentally scarred for life. I welcome death there is no fear in that; just the fear of hotel management not heeding my note/s or if I go by CO some random passer by finding me in my car and investigating further despite warnings. No matter how secluded I make it there's always that chance. In the end I must let go and accept i've planned everything I could to make things as easy as possible for me, my family, the public and the inevitable clean up crew.

 

[Ihadagoodlife]

I feel like if i suicide i will get punished and not rewarded for it but if i wait and die naturally at the end im going to be rewarded for enduring this suffering.

 

[My_name_is_Luka]

I do.
I do not know if I'm too lazy in planning how to suicide, if I don't want to give a burden to all the people that will have to deal with my death, or if I'm trying to go on a little bit more, hoping to see a ray of light for my future.
I'm a perfectionist, so it's extremely hard for me to take a decision, if I foresee a chance of mistake that could cause a significant loss.
But I know that if God could sit in front of me and ask me: "what do you want to do with this life? end it now? or struggle a bit more?", I would ask him "please end it now".

 

[killedbypsychiatry]

But I know that if God could sit in front of me and ask me: "what do you want to do with this life? end it now? or struggle a bit more?", I would ask him "please end it now".

same... if there was a button to end it I will had already pressed it. I am not good at the planning and doing.

 

[lopbunny]

What scares me is the pain of death. If there were a way to painlessly (or relatively painlessly) die, I would ctb in seconds but I'm just terrified of pain. I also am somewhat scared of what comes after death, like what if it is worse than living is now? idk

 

[AbsoluteNothingness]

No lmfao. Im absolutely and definitely NOT "sCaReD" of DEATH/dying at all[[[**********]]] (((((((((what im 'a bit' "scared" of or whatever the damn fuck that means is how fcking 'painful'/'slow' the 'process' of dying until Im fcking finally DEAD/NONEXISTENT can/will be. I dont really give a shit if its 'painful' or whatever the fuck that means, as long as its not too fucking 'slow'/it doesn't fcking take so fcking 'long' to completely kill "me". And the ONLY reasons or whatever the fuck "rEaSoN" means I havent "ctb" 'yet'/"i" still 'exist' is because I dont 'lIvE' 'alone' (**) [[and ffs I literally simply just DONT fcking want to have to fcking 'wOrK' or whatever the fuck that fcking bullshit garbage trash crap damn fcking shit fcking is/means ewwww lmfao, that id have no fcking 'choice' but to fcking 'dO' to have fcking 'mOnEy' for a fcking damn 'hOuSe'/'aPaRmEnT' 'where' id be FUCKING FINALLY 'able' to ATTEMPT AND NOT EXIST AT FCKING DAMN ALL "WITHOUT ANY" FCKING 'RISKS'|'WORRIES' OR WHATEVER TF THAT MEANS OF GETTING 'CAUGHT'/BEING 'FOUND'/NOT HAVING 'eNoUgH' 'tImE' FOR THE FCKING 'pRePaRaTiON'|'pLaNnInG' OF THE ATTEMPT AND THE ATTEMPT 'ITSELF'/BEING 'SENT' TO A FCKING 'PSYCH WARD'/'ENDING UP' ON FCKING 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' NOR ANY OTHER FCKING 'RISKS' IN GENERAL. and 'apart' from having NO fcking 'choice' but to fcking 'wOrK' or whatever the fck that fcking ""pOsItIvE"" crap garbage bullshit is/means ewwwww lmao and all that fcking goddamn damn bullshit garbage trash crap fuck shit, id have no 'choice' but to fcking 'wait' for 'who' the fuck 'knows' 'how' 'many' fucking 'years'/for 'a lot' of fucking 'years' for the fcking 'hOuSe'/'aPaRmEnT'//'until' i cAn fcking finally 'buy'/'have' a fcking 'house'/'apartment' or whatever the fuck that fcking damn shit crap is/means to FUCKING FINALLY attempt/"ctb"/FINALLY 'LEAVE'|'GET RID' OF|GET THE DAMN FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING 'FLESH'|'MEAT SHEATH'|'CARCASS'|'MEAT SACK'|'VESSEL'|'BODY' AND FCKING FINALLY DIE/FINALLY NOT EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL/FINALLY DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ETERNALLY FOREVER FOR AL TOTAL ABSOLUTE TOTAL 'ETERNITY'/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ANYTHING ANYONE ANY FCKING 'WAY' ETC ANYWHERE ETCETC IN FCKING GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL 'THERE' "successfully" or whatever the fuck "sUcCeSsFuLlY" fcking means and "reliably" and "without any" 'risks' etc. I JUST DONT FCKING WANT TO FCKING 'wOrK' {and for that fcking bullshit garbage crap trash fuck damn shit or whatever tf all those 'words' even fcking mean, id 'also' have no fcking 'cHoIcE' but to fcking 'force myself' to "hAvE"/"wAnT tO hAvE" """mOtIvAtIoN"""/"""eNeRgY"""/"""dEdICaTiOn"""/"""sTrEnGtH"""/"""iNtErEsT"""/"""dEsIrE"""/"""wIlL""" or whatever the fuck all that fcking """"pOsItIvE"""" damn fcking bullshit trash crap fuck garbage damn shit fcking means ewwww AND NO FOR FUCKS FCKING SAKE NO!!!!!!!!! I FCKING LITERALLY SIMPLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT NEVER AT ALL HAVE FCKING WANTED NEVER FCKING WILL AT ALL NEITHER ANY OF ALL THAT FCKING DAMN """pOsItIvE""" GARBAGE TRASH CRAP FUCK SHIT BULLSHIT NOR LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL FOR FUCKS FCKING SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}
NEVER AT ALL HAVE WANTED NEVER WILL ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE FUCK IT IS WHATEVER TYPE/WAY IT IS WHATEVER THE FUCK ITS FCKING ABOUT/RELATED TO ETC FOR FUCKS SAKE I JUST FCKING DONT!!!!!!!!! AND I JUST DONT WANT TO HAVE TO FCKING 'WAIT' 'SO MANY' FUCKING 'YEARS' UNTIL I FCKING FINALLY HAVE THE DAMN 'HOUSE'/'APARTMENT' OR WHATEVER TF THAT CRAP DAMN BULLSHIT TRASH SHIT GARBAGE IS/MEANS!!!!!!!!!!]]
(**) Because or whatever the damn fuck "because" fcking means I dont have any 'way out' in general at all, much less any 'reliable' way out/'method' (AND ITS SO FUCKING DAMN 'FRUSTRATING'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and because my 'parents'/'family' would be 'very'/'utterly'/'extremely' or whatever the fuck all those 'words' mean 'dEvAsTaTeD'/'hUrT'/'sHoCkEd'/'tRaUmAtIzEd'/'sAd' or whatever tf all those 'words' mean and blahblah. And well those are basically the ONLY rEaSoNs why "I" still 'exist'/im not GONE 'yet'/I havent ctb 'yet'. ["catch" the "bus" to eternal absolute total literal NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE, not to any "something"/"lIfE aFtEr DeAtH"/"aFtErLiFe" nor any other fcking crap like that nor in general at all ffs], *if it wasnt because of that and because to FUCKING FINALLY NOT EXIST AT ALL is so FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY damn hard and it fcking UNFORTUNATELY or whatever the fuck that means 'requires' so much fcking 'eFfOrT'/'mOtIvAtiOn'/'dEdIcAtIoN'/'pRePaRaTiON'/'pLaNnInG'/'eNeRgY' or whatever the fuck all that damn shit means and all that fucking """pOsItIvE""" fcking garbage bullshit damn fuck crap shit and its FCKING UNFORTUNATELY not 'easy' and 'quick'/'instant' or whatever tf those 'words' mean, and 'most' 'accessible' 'methods' are FUCKING 'slow'/'unreliable' with a fcking 'high' 'pOsSiBiLiTy'/'rIsK' of being FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY or whatever tf "unfortunately" even means "sAvEd"/"rEsCuEd" or whatever the fuck that fcking shit means and ending up in a fcking 'hOsPiTaL' and 'pSyCh WaRd' and oN 'sUiCiDe WaTcH' and all that fcking shit crap, *i MORE than definitely wouldve already attempted/"ctb"/DIED AND FINALLY WOULDVE NOT EXISTED AT DAMN ALL AND WOULDNT HAVE BEEN ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETC AT ALL IN GENERAL many years ago/a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time 'ago' without absolutely ANY "doubt" at all 'except' 'maybe' AND ONLY 'MAYBE' not 'doing' it [attempt AND FUCKING FINALLY NOT EXIST AT ALL] tO nOt 'hUrT' mY 'pArEnTs'/'fAmIlY'. But i DEFINITELY AND WITHOUT ANY "dOuBt" AT ALL will FUCKING FINALLY ctb {"CTB" NOT MEANING """"COMMIT SUICIDE""""!!!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT TO ""COMMIT SUICIDE"" OR WHATEVER TF THAT MEANS FFS I WANT TO JUST NOT EXIST AT ALL FFS I LITERALLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT ETC NOR WANT TO AT ALL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL!!!!!!} someday YES OR YES no 'matter' if i FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY didnt/couldnt 'before'/in any of aaaaaall these 'previous' 'years' 'and no 'matter' if i FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY cant 'now' 'neither' and no 'matter' how 'devastated'/'hurt'/'traumatized'/'shocked' they'll be, as "cRuEl"/"sElFiSh"/"cOlD" or whatever the fuck that means as it "sOuNdS". that's FOR SURE that someday I FUCKING FINALLY will attempt/"ctb" AND FINALLY DIE/NOT EXIST AT FCKING DAMN ALL [ITS THE ONLY 'THING' IVE ALWAYS WANTED/WANT/ILL EVER|ALWAYS WANT AND WANT TO WANT NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT AND THATS FCKING IT THERE FCKING ARENT ANY "tRigGeRs" NOR ANY "rEaSoNs"/"cAuSeS"/"eXpLaNaTiOnS" OR WHATEVER TF THAT MEANS IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] No 'matter' how fucking long it fcking takes/how fcking much i have no fcking choice but to fcking 'wait' and how fcking hard it fcking is. Im very 'sorry' or whatever the fuck "bEiNg SoRrY" even fcking means for them, i know theyll 'suffer' a lot or whatever the fuck "suffer" even fcking means and that itll 'hurt' them a lot or whatever tf "hurt" means and theyll be 'completely'/'extremely' or whatever the fuck those 'words' mean 'devastated' and 'shocked' and that they'll never 'overcome' it and blah blah blah all that and i cant fcking 'hElP' but 'feeling' a 'bit' 'sAd'/'bAd' or whatever the fuck all that even means for them because I know how much itll 'affect' or whatever tf that means them and blahblah. But that DOESNT fcking mean that Ill never 'attempt'|(*)ctb|'kill' 'myself' {AND FINALLY DIE/NOT "EXIST" IN GENERAL AT ALL/LEAVE|GET RIF OF|GET THE FUCK OUT OF|'THROW AWAY'|'DITCH' THE FUCKING MEAT FLESH CARCASS/'SHELL'/'SACK' OF 'MEAT' AND FUCKING FINALLY DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY UTTEELY FULLY ETERNALLY FOREVER FOR ALL LITERAL ABSOLUTE TOTAL 'ETERNITY' ENDLESSLY INFINITELY UNLIMITEDLY or whatever the fuck all those 'words' fucking mean lmao AND FINALLY NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETC IN FCKING GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL [(*)NOT """COMMIT SUICIDE"""!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT TO "SUICIDE"/"""COMMIT SUICIDE""" NOR bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN!!!!!! I SIMPLY BASICALLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT TO 'EXIST' AT FCKING DAMN ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT """COMMIT SUICIDE"""!!!!!!!! ITS NOT THE 'SAME' 'THING' AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! ONE IS WANTING TO DIE """oNlY aNd 'eXcLuSiVeLy' bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN/rEaSoNs"""/"""bEcAuSe "tHiS" aNd Or "tHaT" "hAs mAdE mE wAnT tO"/hAs "bRoUgHt"|"tAkEn" Me To ThAt "cOnClUsIoN"|"pOiNt" bUt iF iT wAsNt FoR tHaT i WoUlDnT wAnT tO dIe At AlL/dEaTh wOuLdVe NeVeR cRoSsEd My 'mInD'""" (LMFAOOOOOOOOOO ) AND THE OTHER IS SIMPLY LITERALLY JUST FUCKING NOT WANTING TO "EXIST" IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR "BE" IN GENERAL ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETCETC NOR "EXPERIENCE"/"PARTICIPATE" IN ETCETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY COMPLETELY TOTALLY ANYTHING IN FCKING GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL, A N Y T H I N G AT ALL. N O T H I N G. WHATEVER/HOWEVER/WHEREVER ETC THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE ETCETC NO 'MATTER' WHAT TTPE/WAY/FORM/KIND ETCETC "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE NOR BLAHBLAHETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!! AND THATS FCKING LITERALLY IT AND ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANY SINGLE FCKING DAMN REASON/CAUSE/FACTOR IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE NOR BASICALLY ANY OTHER FCKING CRAP TRASH BULLSHIT FUCK DAMN GARBAGE SHIT or whatever the damn fuck those 'words' fcking even mean lmao LIKE THAT IN GENERAL OF ANY TYPE AT ALL. THERE FCKING ARENT ANY "REASONS" ANY "CAUSES" ANY "FACTORS" ANY "tRiGgErS" ANY "EXPLANATIONS" OF ANY TYPE AT ALL, ANY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY SINGLE DAMN TYPE NOR RELATED TO/ABOUT ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ANYTHING AT ALL IN GENERAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST DONT WANT TO EXIST NOR 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FOR FUCKS SAKE ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF TOTALLY BASICALLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANY. SINGLE. FCKING. DAMN. REASON. IN. GENERAL. AT. ALL. OF. ANY. TYPE!!!!!!!!]//that ill "nEvEr" WaNt To JUST NOT EXIST AT FCKING DAMN ALL NOR 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL FOR FUCK'S SAKE . I DEFINITELY WILL 'SOMEDAY', NO FCKING 'MATTER' HOW MUCH FCKING LONG IT FCKING TAKES/HOW FCKING HARD IT FCKING IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"This" in general 'regardless'/NO FCKING 'matter' how/what the fuck "it" is etc/if "it" is """gOoD""" or """"bAd"""" etc, what 'happens'/can 'happen' and 'how' what happens/can happen fcking is/can be and happen and no fcking 'matter' if "what happens"/"can happen" is """gOoD""" or """"bAd"""" and or however the damn fuck in fcking general blahblahblah etcetcetc NOR a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG and basically ENDLESS etc, fcking SHOULDNT be a fcking obligation FOR FUCKS SAKE I SHOULDNT BE FCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO FOR FUCKS SAKE I FCKING SHOULDNT JESUS FCKING DAMN CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
if i just DONT want "it"/"this"***** [no fucking 'matter' how/what the fuck "it" is what type/way/form/kind etc "it" is no fcking 'matter' what iT cAn bE 'dOnE'/'eXpErIeNcEd'/'sEeN'/'lEaRnEd'/'eNjOyEd'/'kNoWn'/'fElT'/'dIsCoVeReD'/'eXpLoReD' and or BLAHBLAHBLAHETC whatever the fcking damn fuck in general neither "how" "it" fcking is/what 'type'|'way' of 'thing'|'activity'|'action'|'task' and or BLAHBLAHBLAHETC whatever the fucking damn fcking fuck it fcking is/can be/thee is/there can be etcetcetc, neither what happens/can happen neither what 'there is'/'there can be', nor how "it" "works"/can "work", neither what "its"/can be "about", neither what fucking 'way' "its"/can be "structured"/"planned"/"designed"/"standardized"/"established"/"settled"/"organized" or whatever the fuck all those words fcking even mean and or blahblah whatever the damn fuck in general, nor a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG and basically an endless/infinite etc or whatever the fuck "etc" means too lmao AND ITS NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANY SINGLE FCKING REASON AT ALL I FCKING LITERALLY SIMPLY JUST FCKING DONT AND THATS FCKING IT NEVER HAVE HAD NEVER WILL AND 'AGAIN' ITS FCKING NOT BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY ANY SINGLE DAMN FCKING REASON IN FCKING GENERAL AT DAMN FCKING ALL!!!!!!!!!!!] [NEITHER "it"/"this" however the fuck/whatever the fuck it is/can be etcetcetc, NOR absolutely literally totally basically simply fcking ANYTHING fcking else in general AT ALL ffs!!!!!!! Whatever/however the fuck it is/can be!!!!!! no 'matter' what type/way/kind/form etcetc it is/can be etc, no fcking 'matter' what 'happens'/can 'happen' neither how the fuck 'works'/can 'work' nor an 'infinite' etc for fucks sake BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY UTTERLY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING/ANYWHERE ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE FCKING FUCK IT FCKING IS/CAN BE!!!!!!!! THAT DOESNT 'ONLY' 'INCLUDE' ANY FUCKING 'WORLD'/'PLANET'/'LIFE'/'EXISTENCE'/'CONSCIOUSNESS'/'REALITY'/'PERCEPTION'/'DIMENSION'/'PLANE'/'BEINGS'|'SPECIES'|'LIFE FORMS'|'ENTITIES'|'CREATURES' OR WHATEVER TF THAT IS AND MEANS/'GALAXY'/'UNIVERSE'/'MATTER'/'ENERGY' or whatever tf all that crap fucking means NOR ETCETCBLAHBLAH IN GENERAL AT ABSOLUTE TOTAL DAMN FCKING ALL OF ANY FCKING TYPE/KIND/WAY/FORM/SHAPE/SORT ETCETC NOR WHATEVER TF ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL NEITHER HOW THE FUCK IT IS/CAN BE, NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHATS "THERE"/WHAT "THERE IS"|"THERE CAN BE"/WHAT "HAPPENS"|CAN "HAPPEN"/WHAT "ITS" "ABOUT"|CAN BE "ABOUT"/WHAT "IT" "HAS"|CAN "HAVE"/HOW "IT" "WORKS"|CAN "WORK" NOR A 'HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE'/'LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG'/'LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE' AND BASICALLY 'ENDLESS' ETC, BUT LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY ABSOLUTELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING/ANYWHERE ELSE IN FCKING GENERAL AT DAMN ALL NO. FCKING. 'MATTER'. WHAT. NEITHER. HOW. THE. FUCK. IT. IS. OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY FORM ANY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC AND BASICALLY AN 'ENDLESS'/'INFINITE' ETC!!!!!!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL. LITERALLY TOTALLY ABSOLUTELY BASICALLY N O T H I N G. NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! AND THATS FCKING IT!!!!!!!!!] no fcking 'matter' what/how the fuck "it" is etcetc NOR want to want to and NEVER at all ever will ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL EHATEVER/HOWEVER/WHEREVER ETCETC THE DAMN FUCK "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPR/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC NOR AN ENDLESS/INFINITE ETC I SIMPLY JUST FCKING DONT AND DONT WANT TO WANT NEVER AT ALL HAVE HAS NEVER FCKING WILL AND THATS LITERALLY BASICALLY SIMPLY FCKING IT AND I SHOULDNT BE FCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO JUST BECAUSE "I" 'INEVITABLY'/'FORCEDLY' HAD NO 'CHOICE' AT ALL BUT TO "BE" "BORN"/TO "EXIST" IN GENERAL/TO "BE"|"BECOME" "SOMETHING"|"SOMEONE" IN GENERAL AND WAS "BROUGHT" "HERE"/TO "THIS" FOR FUCKS FCKING DAMN SAKE!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE DAMN FUCK CANT I FCKING JUST DONT/NOT FCKING WANT/GIVE A DAMN FUCK GODDAMN SHIT ABOUT/HAVE ANY FCKING "INTEREST" NOR ANY "DESIRE" NOR ANY "CURIOSITY" NOR ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE TRASH CRAP FUCK DAMN SHIT LIKE THAT IN GENERAL FOR ABOUT IN ETCETCETC AND JUST NOT/DONT FCKING WANT TO 'EXPERIENCE'/'PARTICIPATE' IN/'LIVE'/'DO'/'KNOW' ABOUT/'BELONG TO'/'TAKE PART' IN/'BE PART' OF/'EXPLORE'/'DISCOVER'/'SEE'/'ENJOY'/'LEARN' ABOUT/'FEEL' ETCETC NOR BLAHBLAHETCETC ABSOLUTELY ANY OTHER FCKING 'VERB' OF ANY TYPE/'ACTION' OF ANY TYPE/'SENSE' OF ANY TYPE ETC IN GENERAL AT ALL NOR WHATEVER TF ELSE IN GENERAL/NOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY PRACTICALLY ANYTHING AT FCKING DAMN ALL IN GENERAL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE FUCK IT IS/CAN BE, WHATEVER FCKING TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC AND OR WHATEVER THE FCKING DAMN FCK IN GENERAL "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE, WHATEVER TF ITS ABOUT WHATEVER THE FUCK THERE IS WHATEVER TF IT HAS HOWEVER THE FUCK IT FCKING 'WORKS' WHATEVER FCKING "WAY OF LIVING" THERE IS/THERE CAN BE/ITS 'pOsSiBlE' NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT 'HAPPENS'/CAN 'HAPPEN' NOR BLAHBLAHETCETC A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC/'ENDLESS' ETC AND THATS FCKING IT WITHOUT FCKING BEING BECAUSE OF ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY BASICALLY COMPLETELY ANY SINGLE FCKING GODDAMN DAMN FCKING REASON/CAUSE ETC AT FCKING DAMN ALL OF ANY TYPE AT FCKING ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK SHIT AM "I" FCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO YES OR FCKING YES "EXIST"/WANT TO "EXIST" IN GENERAL, TO YES OR FCKING YES 'EXPERIENCE'/'PARTICIPATE' IN/'KNOW' 'ABOUT'/'ENJOY'/'PERCEIVE'/'SEE'/"BE" IN/'LIVE' IN/'EXIST' IN/'INHABIT'/'EXPLORE'/'BE PART' OF ETCETCETC///WANT TO 'EXPERIENCE'/'PARTICIPATE' IN/'KNOW' ABOUT/'ENJOY'/'PERCEIVE'/'SEE'/"BE" IN/'LIVE' IN/'EXIST' IN/'INHABIT'/'EXPLORE'/'BE PART' OF ETCETCETC AND OR WHATEVER TF IN GENERAL AND YES OR FCKING YES 'CARE' ABOUT/'WANT'/'LIKE'/HAVE 'INTEREST' FOR ETCETC AND OR WHATEVER THE DAMN FUCK///WANT TO 'CARE' ABOUT/'WANT'/'LIKE'/HAVE 'INTEREST' AND OR WHATEVER OTHER FCKING GODDAMN DAMN GARBAGE BULLSHIT CRAP TRASH DAMN FUCK SHIT LIKE THAT IN GENERAL ABOUT|FOR ETCETCETC AND OR WHATEVER TF IN GENERAL BLAHBLAHETCETC "THINGS" iN gEnErAl/A "THING" iN gEnErAl/"SOMETHING" iN gEnErAl """wHaTeVer It Is wHaTeVeR iTs AbOuT/rElAtEd tO/iN/fRoM eTcEtC, wHaTeVeR tYpE/wAy eTc iT iS bUt sOmEthInG iN gEnErAl yEs Or YeS tHeRe MuSt Be sOmEthInG yEs Or YeS"""/"LIFE" IN GENERAL|""""THIS LIFE""""|""""'lIfE' iN 'tHiS' 'wOrLd'""""|""""'lIfE' oN 'pLaNeT eArTh'"""" as if 'there were' 'more'|'other'|'different' 'lives'|'types' of 'life' in 'other'|'different'|'more' 'worlds'|'planets'|'existences'|'consciousnesses'|'galaxies'|'universes'|'dimensions'|'planes'|'realities'|'perceptions' and or whatever|wherever|'somewhere' else the damn fuck in fcking general lmfaooooo i fucking hope NOT ffs i just DONT fcking want nor want to want never at all have fucking had never at fucking all ever fcking will absolutely literally basically totally completely ANYTHING in fucking general at damn fucking all whatever however wherever etcetcetc the fucking damn fuck "it" is|can be of any type any way any form any absolutely anything in fcking general at damn fucking all ffs!!!!!!!/"EXISTENCE" IN GENERAL|""""THIS EXISTENCE""""/"THE WORLD"|""""THIS WORLD""""/"PLANET EARTH"|""""THIS PLANET""""/"CONSCIOUSNESS"|""""THIS CONSCIOUSNESS""""/"REALITY"|""""THIS REALITY""""|"PERCEPTION"|""""THIS PERCEPTION""""/"GALAXY"|""""THIS GALAXY""""/"THE UNIVERSE"|""""THIS UNIVERSE"""" {NOR ANY FCKING OTHER IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/WAY/FORM/KIND ETC WHATEVER HOWEVER WHEREVER ETCETC THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE ETCETCETC!!!!!!!!!! NOR BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY LITERALLY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FUCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL FOR FUCKS FCKING SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!} AND OR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC WHATEVER THE FCKING DAMN FUCK IN GENERAL
""""""""""uNlEsS i DoNt bEcAuSe Of "sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN"/"mIsErY"/"aNhEdOnIa"/""gOiNg tHrOuGh A "pHaSe"""/"aPaThY"/"dEpReSsiOn"/""'mEnTaL' 'iLlNeSsEs'|'dIsOrDeRs' iN gEnErAl""/"sElF hAtReD"/"lOw sElFeSteEm"/"""bEiNg A ""fAiLuRe""""" (as if i fcking gave a damn fcking goddamn fuck shit if "i" "am" a """fAiLuRe""" or whatever the fuck that """"nEgAtIvE"""' 'word'/'thing'|type of 'thing'/tYpE oF 'pErSoN' even fcking means lmao or not and as if "being" a """fAiLuRe""" and or any/whatever other """""""nEgAtIvE""""""" 'way'/'adjective'/'thing'/type of 'thing'/tYpE oF 'pErSoN' iN gEnErAl """aFfEcTeD"""/"""wOrRiEd""" "mE" LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO {or whatever tf "lmao" "lmfao" "lol" fcking means too} )/"aNxIeTy"/"sOcIaL aNxIeTy"/"aGoRaPhObiA"/"dIsApPoInTmEnT"/"eMpTiNeSs"/"lOsS"/"mEaNiNgLeSsNeSs"/"pOiNtLeSsNeSs"/"uSeLeSsNeSs"/"bOrEdOm"/"bAd LiFe"/"bAd SiTuAtIoNs"/"dIsAbIlItIeS"/"'pHySiCaL' 'dIsEaSeS'|'iLlNeSsEs'"/"bEiNg 'lOsT'"/"aBaNdOnMeNt"/"""bEcAuSe 'tHe WoRlD'|'pLaNeT eArTh' aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK iN gEnErAl iS a "'"bAd' PlAcE"" as if i gave a fucking damn fuck if "it" is a ""bAd"" or a ""gOoD"" "place" and or whatever the fucking damn fuck in general lmfaoooo aNd ""bAd""|""tErRiBlE"" 'tHiNgS'|'eVeNtS' aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK 'hApPeN'""" as if i gave a fucking shit if "what happens" is any whatever """pOsItIvE""" or any whatever """""nEgAtIvE""""" 'way'|'adjective'|'thing'|type of 'thing'|'event'|type of 'event' and or whatever the damn fuck in fcking general lmfaooooooo/"'eMoTiOnAl' 'CrIsIs'"/"hOpEleSsnESs"/"aNgUiSh"/"dIsTrEsS"/"hOmElEsSnEsS"/"""'bAd'|'aBuSiVe'|'mAnIpUlAtIvE'|'tOxIc'|'cOnTrOlLiNg' or whatever the damn fuck those ""nEgAtIvE"" 'adjectives'|'words' even fcking mean lmao 'pArEnTs'|'FaMiLy'"""/"""bEcAuSe Of 'hOw'|tHe 'wAy'|tHe TyPe Of 'lIfE' aNd Or 'tHe WoRlD' aNd Or 'eXiStEnCe' aNd Or 'pLaNeT eArTh' aNd Or 'hUmAnItY' aNd Or 'sOcIetY' aNd Or 'rEaLitY' aNd Or 'tHe SyStEm' aNd Or blaHblAhBlAhEtCeTcEtC wHaTeVeR tHe DaMn FuCk iN gEnErAl "iS"|"tHeRe Is""""/"aBuSe"/"tRaUmA"/"bUlLyInG"/"lOnElInEsS"/"dIsSaTiSfAcTiOn"/"uNfUlFiLlMeNt"/"uNhApPiNeSs"/"nIhIlIsM"/"aNtInAtAlIsM"/"eFiLiSm"/"pRo MoRtAlIsM"/"aBsUrDiSm"/"'bAd' 'lIvInG' 'cOnDiTiOnS'"/"sHaMe"/"gUiLt"/"rEgReT" or whatever the damn fuck all those """"nEgAtIvE"""" 'things'/types of 'things' even fcking mean lmfao i couldnt 'care' any less aNd Or blaHblAhBlAhbLaHEtCeTcEtCeTc wHaTeVeR/aNy OtHeR 'rEaSoN'/'rEaSoNs'/'cAuSe'/'cAuSeS'/'fAcToR'/'fAcToRs' iN gEnErAl bUt bEcAuSe oF a ReAsOn/cAuSe iN gEnErAl yEs Or YeS, tHeRe hAs tO/mUsT bE sOmEthInG/a 'rEaSoN'|'cAuSe'|'fAcToR'|'eXpLaNaTiOn' yEs Or YeS"""""""""""?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR FUCKSSSSSSSSSSS FUCKING DAMN FCKING GODDAMN DAMN FCKING SAKE FCKING WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????? WHY. THE. FCKING. DAMN. FUCK. THERE. FCKING. HAS. TO. FCKING. BE. A. FCKING. GODDAMN. "REASON WHY"/"CAUSE"/"EXPLANATION"/"FACTOR" AND OR WHATEVER THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK IN GENERAL YES OR FCKING YES. FOR. FUCKS. SAKE. WHY. "I". WILL. NEVER. AT. FCKING. ALL. FCKING. 'UNDERSTAND'/'COMPREHEND'!!!!!!!!!!!!!
""""""""""""If YoU dOnT/dOnT wAnT tO iTs BeCaUsE oF a ReAsOn/rEaSoNs/cAuSe/cAuSeS/fAcToR/fAcToRs iN gEnErAl bUt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN iN gEnErAl yEs Or YeS, iF yOu SaY tHaT iTs NoT bEcAuSe Of AnY rEaSon aT aLl yOu tHaTs BeCaUsE yOu HaVe A 'mEnTaL iLlNeSs' aNd tHeReS sOmEtHiNg 'wRoNg' iN yOuR 'bRaIn', a sErIoUs 'mALfUnCtIoN' aNd A 'cHeMicAl' 'iMbAlAnCE' tHeRe [what the damn fuck do all that even fcking mean as if i fucking gave a fcking goddamn fuck if tHeReS a "mAlFuNcTioN"/a "cHeMiCaL iMbAlAnCe" iN 'mY' "bRaIn" or whatever the fuck that even fcking means or not jfc i couldnt give any less of a damn fcking shit LMFAOOOOOOOO] tHaTs 'aFfEcTiNg' yOuR 'bRaIn' (""""aFfEcTiNg YoUr BrAiN"""" AS IF THAT """"aFfEcTeD""""/""""wOrRiEd"""" "mE" and as i fcking gave A DAMMMMMNNNN FUCK LMFAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i couldnt fcking give any fcking less of a goddamn fcking damn fuck shit what the damn fuck a "bRaIn"/"mInD" in general fcking is, i just couldnt give any damn less of a goddamn damn shit ) aNd mAkInG yOu SaY aLl tHaT 'nOnSeNsE' (as if i FUCKING gave a FUCKING goddamn damn crap shit fuck if its """"nOnSeNsE"""" or whatever the damn fuck that even fucking means or not LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO) iT cAnT bE fOr No ReAsOn At AlL/wItHoUt aNy ReAsOn At AlL, tHaTs iMpOsSibLe ("""iMpOsSibLe""" because you fcking say so and fucking feel like it, 'right'? ) tHeRe hAs tO/mUsT bE sOmEthInG/a ReAsOn wHy|rEaSoNs WhY/cAuSeS aNd An eXpLaNaTiOn YeS Or YeS. wHat yOu dOnT wAnT iS "tHiS" "x" 'tHiNg'/tYpE oF 'tHiNg' aNd Or If ItS "tHiS"/"tHiS" 'pArTiCuLaR'|'cErTaIn'|'sPeCiFiC' 'wAy' eTc aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK iN gEnErAl bUt 'aNoThEr'/a 'dIfFeReNt'/'tHaT' oThEr 'tHiNg'|tYpE oF 'tHiNg' a 'dIfFeReNt'/'aNoThEr'/'tHaT' 'wAy' eTc aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE fUcK iN gEnErAl 'mAyBe' yEs, iT 'dEpEnDs' wHaT aNd HoW "iT" iS eTc bUt YoU jUsT cAnT nOt WaNt/cArE aBoUt eTc EtC aNytHinG aT aLl aNd NoT wAnT to 'lIkE'/'dO'/'eXpErIeNcE'/'kNoW' eTcEtC aNyThInG aT aLl iN gEnErAl, tHaTs 'iMpOsSiBlE' [""""iMpOsSiBlE"""" why??? just because 'hUmAnS'/'pEoPlE' fcking want it to be """iMpOsSibLe""" because they fcking want to and that's fcking it and because 'they' fcking say so and fucking feel fcking like it/have INVENTED or whatever the fuck that means that its """"iMpOsSibLe"""" aNd ThAt tHeRe yEs Or FuCkInG yEs HaS tO/mUsT bE a ReAsOn WhY OR FUCKING WHAT?????????!!!!!!!!!! ] aNd 'iLlOgICaL'/'iRrAtIoNaL' [LMFAOOOOOOOOOO as if i gave a fcking damn shit fuck if its """"iRrAtIoNaL""""/""""iLlOgIcAl""""/""""aBnOrMaL"""" or whatever the fuck that crap even fcking means and or if "its" any whatever other fcking 'human'-invented bullshit garbage crap fuck trash damn shit like that in general lmao or not or however the damn fcking fuck in general/or any whatever other *'insert' another """"nEgAtIvE"""" 'human'-'concept'/'invented' bullshit crap fuck shit 'word'* LMFAOOOOOOO I COULDNT GIVE ANY LESS OF A DAMN FCKING BULLSHIT, neither 'what' "is" """"iRrAtIoNaL""""/""""iLlOgIcAl""""/""""aBnOrMaL""""/""""iMpOsSibLe"""" etc and or whatever the fuck in general, and what "is" """"rAtIoNaL""""/""""lOgIcAl""""/""""nOrMaL""""/""""pOsSibLe"""" and or whatever the fucking damn fuck in general/and or whatever other fcking 'human' 'invented' bullshit crap fuck trash damn shit "wOrD"/"tErM" ] aNd It DoEsNt MaKe SeNsE [as if i gave a fuck damn shit if """"iT dOeSnT mAkE sEnSe"""" or whatever the fuck that crap even fcking means or not LMFAOOOOOOOOO] aNd sOmEthInG "sErIoUs"/"wRoNg" hApPeNs In YoUr 'bRaIn' (as if i gave a DAMN fuck what fucking happens/can happen in "mY" "bRaIn"/a "bRaIn" in general or whatever the fucking damn fuck a fcking piece of meat fucking is neither how the damn fuck it fcking is LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO), iT cAnT bE fOr No ReAsOn At AlL/wItHoUt aNy ReAsOn At AlL, tHeRe MuSt Be A "cHeMiCaL iMbAlAnCe" tHeRe iN yOuR bRaIn bEcAuSe ItS nOt NoRmAl [as if i gave a damn fuck if its "nOt nOrMaL" LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO """aBnOrMaL""" or whatever the fuck that even fucking means why????? because 'humans'/'people' fucking say so and fucking like it or fcking what?????? LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO as if i fcking gave a fcking damn fuck what 'humans'/'people' in general or whatever the fuck that is/means fucking say as if just because you all would fucking say that shit and 'people'/'humans' in general fcking say it too meant that its 'aCtUaLlY' """iMpOsSibLe"""/"""nOt TrUe""" LMFAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO yea sure because you fucking say so and fcking feel like it ] tHaT iTs NoT bEcAuSe Of AnY rEaSoN aT aLl, tHeRe MuSt Be/hAs To Be A rEaSoN wHy YoU dOnT yEs Or YeS. ItS bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN/cAuSe yEs Or YeS""""""""""""" BUT FOR FUCKS FUCKING DAMN FCKING SAKE WHY THE FCKING DAMN FUCK THERE FCKING HAS TO FCKING YES IR FCKING YES BE A GODDAMN FCKING DAMN REASON FOR FUCKS FUCKING SAKE WHY???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY IT FCKING HAS TO FCKING BE BECAUSE OF A/FOR A DAMN GODDAMN FUCKING REASON YES OR FCKING YES FOR FUCKS SAKE FCKING WHY??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!!!!?????????

*****I SIMPLY LITERALLY TRULY JUST FCKING DONT AND DONT WANT TO AT ALL AND THATS FCKING IT AND I FCKING SHOULDNT BE FCKING FORCED/OBLIGATED TO FOR FUCKS FUCKING DAMN SAKE!!!!!!!! I literally just DONT fcking want to 'exist' in general at all in absolutely literally any damn fcking way/form etc at all and literally just DONT give a damn fcking shit about/dont want to 'eXpErIeNcE' etcetcetc literally absolutely basically totally ANYTHING in general at fcking damn all NO fcking 'matter' what NEITHER how the fuck "it" is/can be neither what 'type'/'kind'/'way'/'form' etc "it" is neither what/where the fuck its about/related to/from etcetc NOR an 'immensely' or whatever tf that means 'huge'/'long' etc and basically an 'endless' etc FOR FUCKS SAKE and i fcking SHOULDNT be fcking forced/obligated to!!!!!!!! *"I" WOULDNT "exist" at all 'anymore'/WOULDNT "be" NEITHER "here" in general at all NOR literally ANYWHERE else in general at fcking damn all whatever/however/wherever etc the fck "it" is/can be etc 'anymore', thats 100% for sure lmao i absolutely have NO "doubt" at all about it, jfc how much i FUCKING 'WISH' or whatever tf "wish" fcking means that i could and "was" fucking FINALLY NOTHING at all. N O T H I N G AT FCKING DAMN ALL IN GENERAL FOR FUCKS FUCKING SAKE. If i FUCKING FINALLY had a 'reliable' [and 'quick'!!!!! but 'especially' 'reliable'/'guaranteed' or whatever tf that means, i DONT fcking want at all to fucking 'fAiL'/'sUrViVe' the attempt and FUCKING 'UNFORTUNATELY' or whatever tf that means fcking end up in a fucking 'psych ward'/end up on fcking "sUiCiDe wAtCh" and FUCKING 'UNFORTUNATELY' not have any more 'opportunities' to attempt ever again at least for a fucking veeeery fcking long time!!!!!] 'way out'/'method'///a 'way out'/'method' in general [[I FCKING DONT HAVE ANY 'YET' AT ALL AND ITS SO DAMN FUCKING 'FRUSTRATING'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT FCKING 'GIVES' ME SO MUCH DAMN FUCKING 'IMPOTENCE'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR WHATEVER TF THAT MEANS. FCKING FINALLY LET 'ME' FCKING FINALLY LEAVE/'GET RID'/GET THE DAMN FUCK OUT/'DITCH'/'THROW AWAY' THE FUCKING 'FLESH' 'PRISON'/'CARCASS'/'SHELL'/'SHEATH'/'BAG' OF 'MEAT'/'MEAT SUIT' AND FUCKING FINALLY NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANY DAMN FUCKING 'WAY'/'TYPE'/'KIND'/'FORM'/'SHAPE'/'DIMENSION' ETC NOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL ANYWHERE ETCETCETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL AND FUCKING FINALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY INFINITELY DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY ENTIRELY UTTERLY LITERALLY FULLY ETERNALLY or whatever the fuck all those 'words' fcking mean DISAPPEAR FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D I S A P P E A R FOREVER FOR ALL LITERAL ABSOLUTE TOTAL ENDLESS LIMITLESS 'ETERNITY'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR FUCKS FUCKING DAMN FCKING SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FCKING DAMN FUCK IS "THIS" A FCKING OBLIGATION aNd If I dOnT wAnT "it" {HOWEVER THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE NEITHER WHAT TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE NEITHER WHAT THE DAMN FUCK HAPPENS/CAN HAPPEN NEITHER WHAT THERE IS/THERE CAN BE NOR AN 'IMMENSELY' OR WHATEVER TF THAT MEANS LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC/BASICALLY AN ENDLESS ETC. NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN FCKING GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT NEITHER HOW THE DAMN FUCK IT FCKING IS/CAN BE NEITHER WHAT TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETCETC IT FCKING IS NOR A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG/BASICALLY AN ENDLESS ETC FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!} """"iTs yEs Or YeS bEcAuSe Of A 'rEaSoN'/cAuSe'/'fAcToR' wHaTeVeR iT iS wHaTeVeR iTs AbOuT/rElAtEd To wHaTeVeR tYpE iT iS bUt bEcAuSe oF 'sOmEtHiNg'/a 'rEaSoN'|'cAuSe' iN gEnErAl yEs Or YeS"""" FOR FUCKS SAKE FCKING WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYY????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FCKING DAMN FUCK THERE FCKING HAS TO FCKING BE A FCKING GODDAMN REASON YES OR FCKING YES??????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK ITS SO FCKING DAMN GODDAMN FCKING FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET "ME" FUCKING FINALLY DIE/NOT EXIST AT FCKING DAMN ALL/DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY ENTIRELY LITERALLY ETERNALLY FOREVER FOR FUCKS FUCKING SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]] and was in whatever 'place' (a 'hOuSe'/'aPaRmEnT' or wherever/whatever the fucking damn fuck//whatever|any other fucking damn 'place' but ALONE so I dont have to fcking 'wOrRy' about getting fucking 'cAuGhT' etc//so i dont fcking 'risk' ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!) 'alone' without the fcking 'wOrRy'/'rIsK' of 'sOmEoNe' FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY or whatever the fuck that means 'finding'/'interrupting' me and if it wasnt because my 'parents'/'family' would be 'extremely' 'devastated'/'hurt'/'shocked'/'traumatized' and blahblahblah all that, I'd DEFINIFELY have "ctbed" (to ETERNAL ABSOLUTE TOTAL LITERAL ENDLESS NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE, NOT TI ANY "SOMETHING"/"THING" AT ALL OF ANY TYPE/WAY/KIND/SORT/FORM/DIMENSION ETCETC NOR ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL)/'killed myself' [NOT TO """COMMIT SUICIDE"""!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT """bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN""" FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT "KILL MYSELF" TO "sUiCiDe"!!!!!! BUT TO SIMPLY LITERALLY JUST NOT 'EXIST' IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL AND TOTALLY ENTIRELY COMPLETELY UTTERLY ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ETERNALLY DISAPPEAR FOREVER AND NOT 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETCETC NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT DAMN ALL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER TF IT IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPE ANY WAY ANY FORM ANY ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL FFS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FOR FUCKS SAKE I LITERALY JUST DONT FCKING WANT ETC/DONT WANT TO FCKING WANT ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCKING DAMN FUCK DO I YES OR FUCKING YES HAVE TO FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY THE FUCK AM I FUCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO """"uNlEsS tHeReS A rEaSoN/cAuSe/fAcToR/eXpLaNaTiOn aNd Or wHatEvEr OtHeR dAmN fUcKiNg bUlLsHiT lIkE tHaT iN gEnErAl wHy I dOnT""""/""""uNlEsS i DoNt bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN"""" FOR FUCKS FCKING DAMN SAKE WHY?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]/DIED AND FUCKING FINALLY STOPPED "EXISTING" already a very very long time ago/'ages' ago/many years ago immediately RIGHT AWAY and with NO "hesitation" at all, id be FUCKING FINALLY GONE/NOTHING AT ALL, thats FOR SURE. Id 100% (or whatever the fuck "100%" and or whatever other "number" "%" fcking means lmao) DEFINITELY right away/immediately FCKING FINALLY attempt/"ctb" [NOT ""COMMIT SUICIDE""/""SUICIDE"" FFS!!!!!!!!!! JUST SIMPLY LITERALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY ETERNALLY DISAPPEAR AND NOT EXIST AT ABSOLUTE DAMN ALL!!!!!!!!! NOT "bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN"!!!!!!! THERE ARENT ANY AT ALL!!!!!!!!!] AND FCKING FINALLY NOT EXIST AT DAMN TOTAL ABSOLUTE ALL/FCKING NOT 'BE' ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETC IN FCKING GENERAL AT ALL without any "hEsItAtIoN" at all and wouldve been more than GONE and finally NOTHING at all/NO ONE at all NOWHERE at all already and wouldve attempted/'done' it a very very long time ago. Theres NO "dOuBt" about it at all. ****"This" in general {{{"life" in general/""""tHiS lIfE""""/"""""lIfE 'iN' 'tHiS wOrlD'"""""/"""""'lifE' 'oN' 'pLaNeT eArTh'""""" as if there were mOrE|oThEr|dIfFeReNt 'lives'|'worlds'|'planets'|'existences'|'realities'|'perceptions'|'dimensions'|'consciousnesses'|'universes'|'life forms'|'species'|'entities'|'beings'|'wAyS' oF 'lIvInG'|'things' in general|'places' in general etcetc and or blahblahetcetc whatever the damn fuck in general lmao I fcking 'HOPE' or whatever tf that means NOT ffs i simply just DONT fcking want absolutely ANYTHING FFS NOTHING AT ALL IN GENERAL WHATEVER|HOWEVER THE FCKING DAMN FUCK IT IS|ISNT|CAN BE|WILL BE ETCETCETC AND THAT'S FCKING IT/"living" iN gEnErAl/"existence" iN gEnErAl/"existing" iN gEnErAl/"the world"/""""tHiS wOrLd"""" as if there were 'more'|'other' 'wOrLdS' and or whatever the fuck lmfao/"planet earth"/""""tHiS pLaNeT"""" as if 'there were'|'there existed' 'more'|'other' 'planets' or whatever tf that means and or whatever the fuck lmfao i just fucking HOPE NOT FOR FUCKS SAKE I JUST DONT FCKING GIVE A GODDAMN SHIT ABOUT NOR WANT ETC ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY COMPLETELY BASICALLY LITERALLY SIMPLY FCKING ANYTHING AT ALL IN GENERAL FFS I LITERALLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT NEVER HAVE HAD NEVER WILL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/"consciousness"/""""tHiS cOnScIoUsNeSs"""" as if 'there were' 'more'|'other' "consciousnesses" of whatever other type|way|form in whatever other fcking 'dImEnSiOn' and or whatever wherever the damn fuck lmfaoooooooooo i fcking hope NOT too!!!!!!!!!/"rEaLiTy"/""""tHiS rEaLiTy"""" as if 'there were'|'there existed' 'more'|'other' "rEaLiTiEs" or whatever tf that even fcking means lmao i fcking HOPE NOT NEITHER AT ALL FFS NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT/HOW THE DAMN FUCK IT IS NOR A LOOOOOOOONG ETC!!!!!!!!!
blahblahetcetc or whatever the fck all "that" is/whatever the fuck their "names" fcking are/can be, NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC whatever the fuck in general/anything fcking else in general at all. NO FCKING 'matter'/'REGARDLESS' of "what" NEITHER "how" the fuck "it" is/can be, whatever type/way it is, whatever the fuck there is/can be, however the fuck "it" "works"/can "work", whatever tf "it" is "about"/can be "about" and an endless etcetcetc}}} ****NOR absolutely literally basically totally ANYTHING NOR ANYWHERE FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ABSOLUTE TOTAL ALL no fcking 'matter' "what" neither "how" neither "where" etc "it" is/can be, neither what type/way/kind/sort/form/dimension etcetc nor whatever the fck in general "it" fcking is/can be nor a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG and basically infinite/endless etc SHOULDNT BE A FCKING OBLIGATION/'OBLIGATORY' "THING" FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY TRULY SIMPLY BASICALLY INTENTIONALLY SERIOUSLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT/GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ETC/DONT FCKING WANT TO 'EXPERIENCE'|'KNOW' 'ABOUT'|'PARTICIPATE' IN ETCETC//NOT|DONT WANT TO FCKING WANT/GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ETCETC NOR 'EXPERIENCE' ETCETCETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL SINGLE FUCKING DAMN THING/TYPE OF 'THING'/'PLACE'/TYPE OF 'PLACE' ETCETC NOR WHATEVER THE FUCK ELSE IN GENERAL AT TOTAL ABSOLUTE DAMN ALL/NOR ABSOLUTELY BASICALLY LITERALLY SIMPLY FCKING ANYTHING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER TF IT IS/CAN BE WHATEVER TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC IT IS/CAN BE NOR A 'HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE'/'LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG'/'LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE' ETC FOR FUCKS SAKE AND THATS FCKING LITERALLY IT AND I FCKING SHOULDNT BE FCKING FORCED/OBLIGATED TO JUST BECAUSE "I" HAD NO 'CHOICE' BUT TO "EXIST" IN GENERAL/"BE"|"BECOME" "SOMETHING"|"SOMEONE" IN GENERAL/AN "ENTITY"/A "BEING"/A "CREATURE"/A "SPECIES"/A "LIFE FORM" IN GENERAL OR WHATEVER TF ALL THAT FCKING MEANS/IS AND "COME" "HERE"/TO "THIS" IN GENERAL//BE 'BROUGHT' "HERE"/TO "THIS" AND WAS FORCEDLY 'PUT' 'INSIDE' A "HUMAN BODY"/"BODY"/"BRAIN"/"MIND" OR WHATEVER TF ALL THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT CRAP IS/MEANS FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT NOR WANT TO WANT ETC NEVER HAVE HAS NEVER WILL ANY. FCKING. THING. IN. GENERAL. AT. ALL. AND THATS FCKING IT FFS THATS BASICALLY LITERALLY SIMPLY FCKING IT AND THERE FCKING ARENT ANY SINGLE FCKING DAMN REASONS AT ALL OF ANY TYPE. FOR. FUCKS. SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!))))))))))

[[[[**********]]]]NEVER at all have had and NEVER will. why the damn fuck 'should'/'would' I? lmfao. In fact, DEATH (ETERNAL ABSOLUTE INFINITE ENDLESS NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE. NOT ANY FCKING TYPE/KIND/FORM/WAY OF "aFtErLiFe" AT ALL.) has ALWAYS been/is/ALWAYS will be the ONLY "thing" i want/want to want and 'crave'/'desire'/'seek'/'wish' or whatever the fuck those 'words'/'verbs' fcking mean so much, always have had and always will NO fcking 'matter' what. I literally truly just simply fcking DONT [NOR WANT TO AT ALL AND NEVER AT FCKING DAMN ALL EVER WILL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!] fcking want/give any damn fuck shit about/have ANY fucking 'iNtErEsT' nor any 'dEsIrE' nor any 'cUrIoSiTy' nor any 'aTtRaCtiOn' nor any 'nEeD' nor literally absolutely any other fcking damn bullshit garbage fucking trash crap fuck damn shit like that in general at all nor in general at all etc fOr|aBoUt/want to 'dO' nor 'eXpErIeNcE' nor 'kNoW' nor 'kNoW hOw tO dO' nor 'lEaRn' nor 'lIkE' nor 'bE 'gOoD' aT|fOr' nor 'eNjOy' nor 'aCcOmPlIsH' nor 'sEe' nor 'tHiNk' nor 'iMaGiNe' nor 'iMpRoVe' nor 'cOnTrIbUtE' nor 'eXpLoRe' nor 'lOoK fOrWaRd To' nor 'gEt Up FoR' nor 'pLaN' nor 'pErCeIvE' nor 'lIvE fOr' nor 'sAy' nor 'fEeL' nor 'dIsCoVeR' NOR BLAHBLAHBLAHETCETCETC absolutely literally basically ANYTHING fcking else in general at all/any other fcking 'vErB'|tYpE oF 'vErB'|'aCtIoN'|tYpE oF 'aCtIoN' etc in general at all/nor literally basically totally absolutely any other fcking garbage damn bullshit trash crap fuck fcking shit [or whatever the fuck "crap" "shit" "trash" "bullshit" fcking even means lmao] like that/in general at fcking damn all ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ANYTHING IN FCKING GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT NEITHER FCKING HOW THE DAMN FUCK "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE ETC OF ANY FCKING TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETC NOR ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT CRAP FUCK SHIT IN GENERAL AT ALL, RELATED TO/ABOUT ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!! why the damn fuck do i yes or fcking yes/why the damn fuck am i fcking obligated|forced to have to fcking want to/want to fcking want to ""uNlEsS tHeReS a ReAsOn wHy I dOnT""/""uNlEsS 'tHiS' aNd Or 'ThAt' "hAs MaDe Me NoT wANt To"/"hAs "bRoUgHt" mE tO 'tHiS' "pOiNt"|"cOnClUsIoN""""/""uNlEsS i DoNt BeCaUsE oF a ReAsOn|cAuSe|fAcToR aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK iN gEnErAl bUt bEcAuSe oF sOmEthInG yEs Or YeS""?????????!!!!!!!!!!!! FFS WHY????????? WHY THE FCKING DAMN FUCK IS "LIFE"/"LIVING"/"EXISTENCE"/"EXISTING" ETC AND OR WHATEVER THE DAMN FUCK IN GENERAL A FCKING OBLIGATION/AN OBLIGATORY 'THING' FOR FUCKS FUCKING DAMN FCKING SAKE WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IF I FCKING SIMPLY LITERALLY TRULY INTENTIONALLY SERIOUSLY ACUALLY HONESTLY or whatever tf all those fcking 'words' mean lmao JUST FCKING DONT FCKING WANT TO LITERALLY NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IF I FCKING SIMPLY LITERALLY TRULY INTENTIONALLY SERIOUSLY ACUALLY HONESTLY' FCKING JUST DONT/NOT FCKING WANT TO FCKING 'EXPERIENCE'/'PARTICIPATE' IN/'LIVE'/'DO'/'EXPLORE'/'KNOW' 'ABOUT'/'LEARN' 'ABOUT'/'ENJOY'/'LIKE'/'FEEL'/'SENSE'/'PERCEIVE'/'EXPLORE'/'DISCOVER' ETCETCETC nor absolutely literally any other fcking 'verb' of any type|'action' of any type nor a long etc, NOR 'WANT'/'NEED', NOR GIVE A DAMN FUCK SHIT ABOUT|NOR 'CARE' ABOUT, NOR HAVE ABSOLUTELY ANY FCKING "iNtErEsT" NOR ANY "dEsIrE" NOR ANY "cUrIoSiTy" NOR ANY "nEeD" NOR ANY "aTtRaCtIoN" NOR ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE DAMN FCKING CRAP TRASH FCKING DAMN SHIT LIKE THAT IN GENERAL FOR|ABOUT|IN ETCETCETCETC NOR ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL AND BASICALLY LITERALLY JUST DONT FCKING WANT TO FCKING WANT NOR GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ETCETCETC NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETC, NEITHER ANY OF "THIS" NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT/HOW THE DAMN FUCK "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE ETCETC NEITHER WHAT TYPE/WAY/FORM ETCETC "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE NEITHER WHAT FCKING 'HAPPENS'/CAN 'HAPPEN' NEITHER WHAT THERE IS/THERE ISNT/THERE CAN BE, NEITHER WHAT "IT" IS/CAN BE FCKING "ABOUT", NEITHER 'HOW' THE FUCK "IT" FCKING "WORKS"/CAN "WORK" NOR A FCKING LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG ETC, NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY UTTERLY DEFINITELY or whatever the fuck all those 'words' fcking mean ANYTHING/ANYWHERE FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER/HOWEVER THE FUCK "IT" FCKING IS/CAN BE OF ANY TYPE/WAY/KIND/SORT/FORM ETCETC NOR A FCKING 'ENDLESS'/'INFINITE' ETC FOR FUCKS FCKING SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY A N Y T H I N G IN GENERAL AT TOTAL ABSOLUTE FCKING DAMN ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. JUST NOTHING. N O T H I N G. WHY TF IS THIS """""iMpOsSibLe"""""????!!!!! WHY TF THERE FCKING HAS TO BE A FCKING rEaSoN wHy YES OR FCKING YES FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY??????!!!!!!!
I JUST FCKING COULDNT GIVE ANY LESS OF FCKING DAMN FUCK ABOUT ABSOLUTELY ANY SINGLE FUCKING DAMN THING/TYPE OF THING ETC NEVER HAVE WANTED NEVER WILL AND DONT FCKING WANT TO WANT TO, NEVER AT ALL HAVE FCKING HAD NEVER FCKING WILL. THAT'S FCKING BASICALLY IT FOR FUCKS SAKE.

DEATH (eternal absolute total plain infinite endless pure complete literal NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE) has ALWAYS been, is and literally ALWAYS will be 'PRECISELY' what/the ONLY "thing" ive ALWAYS wanted and wanted to want, want and want to want and what ill EVER/ALWAYS want and want to want and 'wish'/'seek'/'desire'/'crave' or whatever the fuck those 'verbs'/'words' fcking mean always have had and always will NO fcking 'matter' what at all. DEATH for me has NEVER at all been, ISNT and NEVER at all will ever be NEITHER """bAd"""/"""nEgAtIvE""", NOR a """tRaGeDy""" NOR """bAd LuCk""" NOR a """'tErRiBlE' 'tHrEaT' tHaT iT mUsT bE 'aVoIdEd' aT aLl CoStS"""*("""tRaGeDy"""/"""bAd lUcK"""/""""tErRiBlE tHrEaT"""/"""'aVoIdEd' At AlL cOsTs"""....... LMFAOOOOOOOO ) [or whatever the fuck all that crap fcking means lmao why the damn fuck DEATH has to be """"a "tHrEaT"""""/""""a "tRaGeDy"""""/""""bAd LuCk"""" and all that fucking crap for me too just because it is for eVeRyOnE eLsE/aLl 'pEoPlE' iN gEnErAl???!!! Ok i fcking 'guess'...??? i literally just couldn't fcking give any less of a damn fuck shit ffs lmfaoooooooo] *NOR literally any other fcking crap like that in general at all lmfao. FOR ME it's just basically the complete/absolute/total/extreme or whatever tf those 'words' mean opposite, has always been and always will. [[and as if i gave a damn fuck if it's """"sOmEtHiNg FoR "lOsErS"""""/""""sOmEtHiNg tHaT "lOsErS" dEsErVe""""" {or whatever the fuck "lOsEr" even means LMFAOOOOOOOO and i couldnt give any less of a damn shit if it's """"nEgAtIvE"""" or """"pOsItIvE"""" or however the damn fuck lmao} or not LMFAOOOOOOOO, as if """""bEiNg A "lOsEr"""""" or whatever the fuck that """"""nEgAtIvE"""""" tHiNg/tYpE oF tHiNg means """"aFfEcTeD""""/""""wOrRiEd""""/""""eMbArRaSsEd"""" "mE" LMAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO im so fucking PROUD and GLAD or whatever tf all that means and ALWAYS will of being a """lOsEr""" then
**and as if i gave a fucking damn fuck if "Im" a ""lOsEr"" or whatever the fuck that """""nEgAtIvE""""" 'thing'/type of 'thing' means aNd Or AnY wHaTeVeR oThEr """"nEgAtIvE"""" 'tHiNg'/tYpE oF 'tHiNg' iN gEnErAl or not, I LITERALLY JUST DONT GIVE A DAMN FCKING SHIT FFS LMFAO. Im SO FCKING 'PROUD' or whatever the fuck "proud" means AND 'GLAD' or whatever the fuck "glad" means too and always will OF BEING A """""lOsEr""""" and """""dEsErViNg DeAtH""""" THEN as if """"dEsErViNg DeAtH"""" """"aFfEcTeD""""/""""wOrRiEd""""/""""eMbArRaSsEd"""" or whatever the fuck those 'words'/'verbs' fcking mean "mE" LMFAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 'thank you' so much or whatever tf that means for saying I DESERVE it lmao as if that was gonna fcking """"wOrRy""""/""""aFfEcT"""" "me" or whatever the fuck that fcking even means LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. TO DESERVE [or whatever tf "deserve" fcking means] DEATH [THE ONLY "THING" IVE ALWAYS WANTED AND WANTED TO WANT, WANT AND WANT TO WANT AND LITERALLY TOTALLY ALWAYS WILL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT ETC AND WHAT I 'PRECISELY'/THE ONLY "THING" ILL ALWAYS/EVER 'DESPERATELY' or whatever the fuck those fucking 'words' mean too 'WISH'/'CRAVE'/'SEEK'/'DESIRE' SO DAMN MUCH HAVE ALWAYS HAD AND ALWAYS WILL NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT!!!!!!!!] has always been, is and ALWAYS will be a 'GIFT' [THE ONLY 'GIFT' ILL EVER/ALWAYS 'ACCEPT'/'WANT'//WANT TO 'ACCEPT' AND 'WANT' NO FCKING 'MATTER' WHAT!!!!!!!! i couldnt fcking give any fcking damn fcking less of a goddamn damn fuck about literally basically ANYTHING/EVERYTHING else in general at all whatever/however the fuck "it" fcking is/can be etc lmfaoooooooooo] or whatever the fuck "gIfT" fcking means/is to me. ((***))TO DESERVE (as if ""dEsErViNg dEaTh"" was sOmEtHiNg """"bAd""""/""""nEgAtIvE"""" and it was """"bAd LuCk""""/a """"tHrEaT""""/a """"pUnIsHmEnT"""" or whatever the fuck that even means lmaoooo/a """"tRaGeDy"""" 'for' "me" and it """"aFfEcTeD""""/""""wOrRiEd""""/""""eMbArRaSsEd"""" "me" LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ) DEATH AND FINALLY NOT/NEVER EXIST AT FUCKING DAMN ALL/NOT 'BE' ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY BASICALLY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETCETC AT FCKING DAMN ALL IN GENERAL
ANY DAMN FUCKING 'WAY'|'TYPE'|'FORM'|'SHAPE'|'DIMENSION' ETCETCETC NOR WHATEVER TF LIKE THAT IN GENERAL NOR IN FCKING GENERAL AT ALL, NOR 'HAVE'/'BE' ANY DAMN FCKING "aGe"/"gEnDeR"/"vOiCe"/"nAmE"/"bRaIn"/"mInD" or whatever the fuck all that damn fcking bullshit garbage crap damn trash fuck shit fcking means/is and whatever tf a fcking 'piece' of 'meat' called "bRaIn" fcking is lmfao i couldnt give any less of a damn fcking shit [neither if it's a "piece of meat" nor if its any|whatever other fcking crap bullshit in general whatever the fuck it is lmao]/"bOdY"/"iDeNtItY"/"pErSoNaLiTy"/"bEhAvIoR"/"cHaRaCtEr"/"aTtItUdE" ETC ETCETC NOR WHATEVER THE DAMN FUCK LIKE THAT IN GENERAL/NOR LITERALLY ANY OTHER FCKING BULLSHIT GARBAGE CRAP SHIT TRASH DAMN FUCK LIKE THAT NOR IN GENERAL AT ALL IN GENERAL)
((***))is what i WANT/want to WANT have ALWAYS wanted and ALWAYS will, NO fcking 'matter' what etc!!!!!!!!! I FCKING LITERALLY SERIOUSLY BASICALLY TRULY OR WHATEVER THE DAMN FUCK ALL THOSE 'WORDS' FCKING MEAN SIMPLY JUST DONT FCKING GIVE A DAMN SHIT FUCK AND DONT WANT TO AT ALL NEVER HAVE HAD NEVER WILL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I JUST DONT FCKING WANT ANYTHING AT TOTAL ABSOLUTE FCKING ALL FFS NOTHING!!!!!!! NEVER HAVE HAD AT ALL AND LITERALLY NEVER AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL EVER FCKING WILL FOR FUCKS FUCKING DAMN SAKE!!!!!!!!!!!! **Ive NEVER at all wanted and NEVER at all ever fcking will to "bE" [NOR "hAvE"/"dO"/"aChIeVe"/"kNoW" etc nor absolutely literally any other fcking 'vErB'/'aCtIoN' etc in general nor whatever the fcking damn fuck in general/nor literally anything fcking else in general at all] ANY fcking """"pOsItIvE"""" 'way'/'adjective'/'qUaLiTy'/'tRaIt'/tYpE oF 'pErSoN'/'tHiNg'/tYpE oF 'tHiNg'/fcking damn bullshit trash garbage damn fuck crap shit in general AT ALL whatever the fuck it is no fcking 'matter' what the fuck its fcking about/can be about etc EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW why the fcking damn fuck shit I fcking have to want to /have to fcking want to want to FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY?????? jesus fcking damn christ (or 'whatever'/'whoever' the fck "jEsUs ChRiSt' fcking is/means lmfao couldnt give any less of a damn fcking shit). why the damn fuck cant i just fcking NOT/DONT fcking give NOT fcking 'even' a single damn shit fuck about literally absolutely ANY fcking """pOsItIvE""" bullshit garbage crap [or whatever the fck those 'words' mean] in general AT ALL whatever the damn fuck "it" fcking is/can be neither what type/way etc "it" is neither what the fuck its fcking about/related to etc, NOR about absolutely literally totally ANYTHING fcking else in general at fcking damn all whatever/however the damn fuck "it" fcking is/can be/will be etc NEITHER what type/kind/way/form etc "it" fcking is/can be, NEITHER what/where the damn fuck "it" is fcking about/from/related to/in/of/associated with etcetc NOR absolutely literally ANYTHING else in general at all/NOR a looooooooooooooooooooooooooong etc AND THATS FCKING IT and THERE FCKING ARENT ANY FCKING DAMN "rEaSoNs"/"cAuSeS"/"fAcToRs" [nor literally absolutely any other fcking bullshit crap shit like that in general of any fcking type] IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY FCKING TYPE FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!!!! why the FUCKING DAMN FUCK do i yes or fcking yes have to fcking have a fcking rEaSoN wHy????!!!! why the fuck am i fcking obligated/forced to FOR FUCKS SAKE????????? just because 'hUmAnS'/'pEoPlE' fcking 'say' so and fcking feel fcking like it and have FUCKING INVENTED that "tHeRe HaS tO/mUsT bE a 'ReAsOn wHy'/'cAuSe'/'eXpLaNaTiOn'/'fAcToR' yEs Or YeS" or fcking what???????
why the damn fuck cant I JUST/ONLY WANT DEATH/NOTHINGNESS/NONEXISTENCE AND THATS FCKING IT (WITHOUT ANY SINGLE FCKING "rEaSoN"/"cAuSe" AT DAMN FCKING ALL OF ANY TYPE AT ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY THE FUCK THERE FCKING HAS TO FCKING BE ONE!!!!!!!!!!) FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY THE DAMN FUCK CAN'T I LITERALLY SIMPLY JUST FCKING NOT/DON'T FCKING WANT/GIVE A DAMN SHIT FUCK ABOUT/HAVE ABSOLUTELY ANY FCKING "iNtErEsT" NOR ANY "cUrIoSiTy" NOR ANY "aTtRaCtIoN" NOR ANY "dEsIrE" NOR ANY "nEeD" (or whatever the fuck all that bullshit crap fcking means) NOR ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY ANY OTHER FCKING GARBAGE CRAP DAMN FUCK SHIT FOR|ABOUT|IN///NOT FCKING WANT TO NEITHER 'DO' NOR 'EXPERIENCE' NOR 'KNOW' NOR 'PARTICIPATE' IN NOR 'ENJOY' NOR 'LIVE' NOR 'BE PART' OF NOR 'DISCOVER' NOR 'EXPLORE' NOR BLAHBLAHETCETC ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL//NOR LITERALLY ANY OTHER FCKING 'VERB'/'ACTION' ETC IN GENERAL NOR LITERALLY ANYTHING FCKING ELSE IN GENERAL AT ALL ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY UTTERLY ENTIRELY EXACTLY or whatever the fuck all that fcking means lmao ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL WHATEVER HOWEVER THE FUCK "IT" IS/CAN BE ETC OF ANY TYPE/WAY/KIND/FORM ETCETC NOR A LOOOOOOOONG ETC AND THATS FCKING LITERALLY BASICALLY SIMPLY FCKING IT FOR FUCKS FCKINF SAKE WITHOUT ABSOLUTELY ANY SINGLE FCKING DAMN REASONS/CAUSES IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL OF ANY TYPE FOR FUCKS FCKING SAKE??????!!!!!!????!!!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK IF I (SIMPLY LITERALLY JUST FUCKING) DONT IT 'AUTOMATICALLY' FCKING HAS TO FCKING BE """bEcAuSe Of A rEaSoN""" FOR FUCKS SAKE FCKING WHY???????!!!!!!!

"sCaReD" of INFINITE NOTHINGNESS?????????? lmfaooooo definitely NO, in fact (or whatever tf that means) that's precisely what I WANT and HOPE (always have had always will!!!!) (or whatever the fuck "hOpE" means) DEATH "is". (i 'wrote' "is" because death isnt anything at all, NOTHINGNESS isn't any "something"/"thing" at all of any form/type/way etc, "it" simply just ISNT literally/totally ANYTHING at fcking damn all in general. "It" ISNT literally absolutely anything and there ISNT literally absolutely anything.) Absolutely NOTHING at all for fucks sake. N O T H I N G.
What i 'guess' Im "scared" of or whatever the fuck that means is how much 'pain' or whatever tf that means the 'process' of dying 'involves' and how fucking 'slow' it'll be until Im fucking finally DEAD/NOTHING AT ALL. and what Im actually 'scared' about is FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY or whatever the fuck "unfortunately" even fcking means 'failing'|'screwing up' or whatever tf that means the attempt/getting FUCKING UNFORTUNATELY 'caught'|being fcking 'found' in the 'middle' of the attempt and FUCKING 'UNFORTUNATELY [or whatever tf "unfortunately" means too lmao] ending up in a fcking 'psych ward' or whatever the fck that crap is and on "sUiCiDe WaTcH" with no more 'opportunities' to attempt again to FUCKING FINALLY fcking 'leave'/get fucking 'rid' of/get the damn fuck out of/'ditch' the damn fcking 'flesh' 'prison'/'meat suit'/'meat capsule'/'carcass'/'shell'/'meat sheath'/'sack' of 'flesh'/'pile' of 'meat' or whatever the fuck a "human body"/"body" in general fcking is I literally just couldnt give any less of a shit and FCKING FINALLY DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY COMPLETELY TOTALLY LITERALLY ETERNALLY FOREVER FOR ALL LITERAL ABSOLUTE TOTAL 'ETERNITY' AND FUCKING FINALLY NOT EXIST AT ALL/NOT "BE" ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY BASICALLY TOTALLY COMPLETELY DEFINITELY ANYTHING ANYONE ANYWHERE ETC ETC IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN FCKING ALL.
And im NOT "suicidal" or whatever the fuck that means, never have been never will, there fcking ARENT any fcking goddamn "rEaSoNs"/"cAuSeS"/"fAcToRs"/"eXpLaNaTiOnS" in general at all of ANY TYPE at all, nor any other fcking crap bullshit trash garbage damn shit fuck like that in general at all of ANY TYPE AT ALL NEITHER for fucks sake. its NOT that """i wAnT tO dIe bUt OnLy bEcAuSe oF tHiS aNd Or ThAt OtHeR 'rEaSoN'/'cAuSe'/'fAcToR', iF iT wAsNt FoR tHaT i WoUlDnT wAnT tO dIe""". Its NOT that """""""i want to die bEcAuSe Of "sUfFeRiNg"/"pAiN"/"dEpReSsIoN"/"mEnTaL iLlNeSsEs iN gEnErAl"/"""'iLlNeSsEs'|'dIsOrDeRs'|'dIsEaSeS'|'dIsAbIlItIeS' iN gEnErAl aNd Or WhAtEvEr oThEr ""bAd""|""nEgAtIvE"" 'tHiNgS'|tYpE oF 'tHiNgS' lIkE tHaT iN gEnErAl aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK iN gEnErAl"""/"bAd LiFe"/"nIhIlISm"/"aNtInAtAlIsM"/"eFiLiSm"/"aBsUrDiSm"/"bAd 'cIrCuMsTaNcEs'"/"bAd 'SiTuAtIoNs'"/"bAd 'eXpErIeNcEs'"/"mEaNiNgLeSsNeSs"/"pOiNtLeSsNeSs"/"uNsAtIsFaCtIoN"/"uNfUlFiLlMeNt"/"aNhEdOnIa"/"aNxIeTy"/"sOcIaL aNxIeTy"/"pErSoNaLiTy DiSoRdErS"/"aBuSe"/"bUlLyInG"/""""bEcAuSe Of 'HoW'|tHe 'wAy' 'lIfE'|'tHe WoRlD'|'eXiStEnCe'|'cOnScIoUSneSs'|'rEaLitY'|'hUmAnItY'|'sOcIetY'|'pLaNeT eArTh'|'tHe SyStEm' [what tf does that even fucking mean/is i dont give a damn shit, neither how tf it is/can be lmfao] aNd Or blaHblAhEtCeTc wHaTeVeR tHe DaMn fUcK iN gEnErAl iS|iSnT|cAn Be|wIlL bE aNd Or bEcAuSe Of ThE 'tHiNgS'|tYpE oF'tHiNgS'|'eVeNtS'|tYpE oF 'eVeNtS' aNd Or WhAtEvEr ThE dAmN fUcK iN gEnErAl tHaT 'hApPeN'|cAn 'hApPeN'|wIlL 'hApPeN'""""/"hOpEleSsnESs"/"lOnElInEsS"/"tRaUmA"/""'bAd' 'lIvInG cOnDiTiOnS'"/"eMpTiNeSs"/"bOrEdOm"/"dIsApPoInTmEnT"/"sHaMe"/"rEgReT"/"lOw sElFeSteEm"/"sElF hAtReD" aNd Or bLaHbLaHbLaHeTcEtC wHaTeVeR|aNy oThEr 'rEaSoNs'/'cAuSeS'/'fAcToRs' iN gEnErAl wHaTeVer It Is wHaTeVeR iTs AbOuT wHaTeVeR tYpE iT iS bUt bEcAuSe oF a ReAsOn In gEnErAl yEs Or YeS""""""" (or whatever the fuck all those """""nEgAtIvE""""" 'words'/'things'/types of 'things' fcking even mean lmao couldnt care less), NO FOR FUCKS SAAAAAAAAKE. its fcking NOT because of basically/literally ANY of those 'rEaSoNs'/'cAuSeS'/'fAcToRs' or however the fuck to call that IN GENERAL AT ALL OF ANY TYPE AT ALL NOR RELATED TO/ABOUT/'ASSOCIATED' WITH ETC ABSOLUTELY LITERALLY TOTALLY BASICALLY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. its NOT because of ANY of those rEaSoNs/cAuSeS at all, NOR because of absolutely literally totally ANY other fcking goddamn fcking 'rEaSoNs'/'cAuSeS'/'fAcToRs' in general at fucking damn all of ANY type. Its fcking NOT because of literally ANY single fcking reasons/causes or whatever the fuck that crap means in general AT ALL. THERE FCKING ARENT ANY REASONS/CAUSES/FACTORS AT FCKING DAMN ALL OF ANY FUCKING TYPE FOR FUCKS SAKE. THERE. FCKING. ARENT. ANY. AND. NEVER. WILL. I want to just NOT exist at damn all FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!!! And its fucking NOT because of ANY single fcking damn ReAsOn at fcking all!!!!!!!! I literally just DONT fcking want/give a fuck shit about absolutely totally literally ANYTHING in general at all NEVER AT FUCKING ALL HAVE HAD NEVER AT DAMN ALL EVER WILL, FOR FUCKS SAKE. ANYTHING AT FCKING ALL. Never have had and never will and have never at all fucking wanted to and NEVER at all ever fcking will NO 'matter' what!!!!! I literally simply just DONT want (never have had NEVER will no fucking 'matter' what. And DONT want to want to, NEVER at all have had, NEVER will, no fcking 'matter' what NEITHER.) to "exist" at all/"be" "something"|"someone" at all nor "experience"/"participate" in/"know about"/"be part of"/"live"/"do"/"enjoy"/"explore"/"inhabit"/"learn about"/"discover"/"see" etcetcetc absolutely totally basically literally ANYTHING in general at all. ABSOLUTELY A N Y T H I N G for fucks sake, ANYTHING. SIMPLY FCKING ABSOLUTELY TOTALLY BASICALLY LITERALLY COMPLETELY ANYTHING/ANYWHERE IN GENERAL AT FCKING DAMN ALL. NO 'mAtTeR' 'what' NEITHER 'how' the fuck "it" is/can be, of any type/way/kind/form etc nor absolutely literally anything fucking else in general at all NOR an 'endless' etc. SIMPLY FCKING ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING IN GENERAL AT ALL. WHY THE FUCK DO I YES OR FCKING YES HAVE TO FCKING WANT TO/WANT TO WANT TO FOR FUCKS SAKE???????!!!!!!! I SHOULDNT BE FCKING OBLIGATED/FORCED TO """"uNlEsS i DoNt BeCaUsE oF a ReAsOn"""" FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!!! its NOT because of ANY single damn fcking "rEaSoN"/"cAuSe"/"fAcToR" in general of any type at fcking damn all and THATS LITERALLY BASICALLY FCKING IT JFC

 

[grungeCat]

I'm not scared of dying itself yet I'm scared what comes after. What if I'm wrong as an atheist and there's some kind of god that will probably (because most gods require believing in them) punish me and send to eternal tortures.

 

[Into The Void]

People that go through ego death through psychedelics often loose their fear of death and even the dying process.

 

[Imaginos]

It depends. I'm definitely too gutless to hang myself or step in front of a train, but I think that maybe I could've blown my brains out by now if I had access to a shotgun. Either way, I've been passively suicidal for well over a decade. I have no qualms about contracting a terminal illness, or being the victim of sudden death. Although I'm not likely to commit suicide anytime soon, that doesn't mean that death/suicide doesn't dominate my thoughts every single day. I'm so dead/empty on the inside that everything feels like an impossibility.

Dumb kids who kill themselves over a failed exam, or whatever, are like the frogs that jump out of a pot if you turn up the heat too fast. Meanwhile, I've long acclimated to the crushing misery of it all and am now so paralyzed in marinating in it that I have no energy to do anything. Maybe if the heat were to sharply turn up at some point (like my mom dying) I might be able to finally jump out of the pot, but it's a big if.

I also find that the longer one thinks on suicide, the harder it becomes. It allows time for your survival instinct to insidiously worm its way around it. If you're some dumb kid suffering from a sudden discomfort, they usually just up and do it without thinking. A time to step back and think can be good in some cases, but also utterly debilitating in situations like mine, where it serves to frustrate the only possible answer there is for me. Well, at least you can't fault me for not taking my time to consider it. I have and the answer is the same. Suicide is what the doctor ordered.

 

[calino2212]

I guess I'm more scared of the act than what actually happens afterwards.

I believe in the nothingness and it's all fine as I will forget everything.

 

[Imaginos]

People that go through ego death through psychedelics often loose their fear of death and even the dying process.

Psychedelics were like poison to me and only resulted in an acute sense of panic and bouts of derealization. It's a shame because I half-hoped that they might lead to me being endowed with this kind of thing.

 

[CatabolicSeed]

I'm not scared of the nothingness, but I am a bit scared about the process of dying. Luckily it should be pretty quick with my chosen method (SN).

 

[marsbar27]

I don't believe in God or reincarnation/an afterlife of any form, so dying to me means ceasing to exist, or like you said, "infinite nothingness." I distinctly remember when I was a kid and first realized death was a thing, and I just spent hours crying to my parents because I was so so terrified of the concept of not existing anymore. You're never going to think another thought, never going to hear another sound, never going to open your eyes, nothing. Idk it's still something I have a lot of difficulty thinking about. So yes, I can definitely relate to the fear of dying.
But honestly, even though I am terrified of the "nothingness," the alternative (continuing to exist) feels a lot more daunting. I'm still relatively young, so it's like, do I want to spend 60+ years waiting around to die (spending the majority of them absolutely miserable and ruining the lives of those I love in the process), or just get it over with now?