GxreKitty
New Member
- Dec 18, 2025
- 2
This is my first post and I decided to wait until I wasn't drunk out of my mind to talk about it.
On labour day I left my ex boyfriend because he was starting to get violent, I had nowhere to go because I had soent every last penny trying to house my mom and little sister. So my mom and her boyfriend handed me the papers to his old house he hadn't lived in for the last 2 years. Needless to say, it was filthy. Inhabitable and absolutely disgusting. But I cleaned it, it took me 1 month to get the bedroom and kitchen useable, 3 months in my house looks great aside from two extra bedrooms I chose to put off until it isn't freezing out since Im heating my house with 3 space heaters.
As of 2 weeks ago my mother started calling me declaring I pay her for 2 Christmas presents she got me (a space heater and a dehumidifier) i told her I couldn't afford to because I genuinely CANT afford to. She immediately blew up on me and the next few days she had spent calling just to tell me Im ignorant and ungrateful. Maybe Im emotionally overreacting to what's happening but the things she says to me and the way she says them is so violent. Im only 18 and Im being kicked out of my own home. Not legally but being run out by the way they treat me. They cut my power off the other night and it was 32° outside which is just incredibly unkind to do to your child who is already struggling to make ends meet and keep the house warm. She said i cant pay the power bill myself because it's password protected so I can either suck it up and send her money or I can suffer until I can afford it. Her and her boyfriend refused to take my payment since I got here and I accepted it as return for me cleaning this place and making his home liveable again. Apparently not because out of the blue i suddenly owe them money for how long I have been here. They don't call, they don't visits, she has a free car while Im struggling to get to work, I was never taught how to care for myself or how to get an apartment or anything that I feel like I need to know right now.
Again maybe Im emotionally overreacting here, but I have not felt this suicidal since I was 14 and I have forgotten how awful it is to wake up in the morning and not want to be here. I live completely alone and I think that is whats taking the toll on me so heavily. I have friends over most nights to curb my loneliness and I work overnights otherwise so I don't have to sleep in a cold bed. I have always been very alone but despite that there was SOMEONE to turn to even if it was my mom after she caused the problems I feel. Now I feel like I have absolutely nowhere to turn. My only reason for not killing myself already is that it's extremely inconvenient, if I'm out of it i cannot go to work and with my luck I would survive any attempt in the book all over again so i have put it off. Im scared having to do any of this, I wish despite how much she hates me that she would just give me a hug and help me move out instead of harassing me over the phone once a week or cutting my power out for fun. Im building from absolutely nothing here and it doesn't feel like it will ever be worth it. Is a good quality of life an option? I thought I was way past my self harming and suicidal tendencies but apparently Im not. I have been balls deep in my eating disorder but I managed to spare my body a little bit of physical pain and i seriously give up
if I can't find anywhere to go I'll have to kill myself because I will not be on the streets and I will not let her destroy my life. I don't know what her end goal is but I know that nice house I got her is off limits, when I left my ex under her advice she said i can sleep on the couch but I'm not allowed to stay past Christmas. They told me the house Im in was permanent until recently. I understand theyre fucking with me on purpose but I don't understand why and I don't think I ever will.
Anyways, thank you for listening to me lol, I hope life gets easier. Im a bit exhausted to say the least. Cant wait to catch a break. Any break at this point.
On labour day I left my ex boyfriend because he was starting to get violent, I had nowhere to go because I had soent every last penny trying to house my mom and little sister. So my mom and her boyfriend handed me the papers to his old house he hadn't lived in for the last 2 years. Needless to say, it was filthy. Inhabitable and absolutely disgusting. But I cleaned it, it took me 1 month to get the bedroom and kitchen useable, 3 months in my house looks great aside from two extra bedrooms I chose to put off until it isn't freezing out since Im heating my house with 3 space heaters.
As of 2 weeks ago my mother started calling me declaring I pay her for 2 Christmas presents she got me (a space heater and a dehumidifier) i told her I couldn't afford to because I genuinely CANT afford to. She immediately blew up on me and the next few days she had spent calling just to tell me Im ignorant and ungrateful. Maybe Im emotionally overreacting to what's happening but the things she says to me and the way she says them is so violent. Im only 18 and Im being kicked out of my own home. Not legally but being run out by the way they treat me. They cut my power off the other night and it was 32° outside which is just incredibly unkind to do to your child who is already struggling to make ends meet and keep the house warm. She said i cant pay the power bill myself because it's password protected so I can either suck it up and send her money or I can suffer until I can afford it. Her and her boyfriend refused to take my payment since I got here and I accepted it as return for me cleaning this place and making his home liveable again. Apparently not because out of the blue i suddenly owe them money for how long I have been here. They don't call, they don't visits, she has a free car while Im struggling to get to work, I was never taught how to care for myself or how to get an apartment or anything that I feel like I need to know right now.
Again maybe Im emotionally overreacting here, but I have not felt this suicidal since I was 14 and I have forgotten how awful it is to wake up in the morning and not want to be here. I live completely alone and I think that is whats taking the toll on me so heavily. I have friends over most nights to curb my loneliness and I work overnights otherwise so I don't have to sleep in a cold bed. I have always been very alone but despite that there was SOMEONE to turn to even if it was my mom after she caused the problems I feel. Now I feel like I have absolutely nowhere to turn. My only reason for not killing myself already is that it's extremely inconvenient, if I'm out of it i cannot go to work and with my luck I would survive any attempt in the book all over again so i have put it off. Im scared having to do any of this, I wish despite how much she hates me that she would just give me a hug and help me move out instead of harassing me over the phone once a week or cutting my power out for fun. Im building from absolutely nothing here and it doesn't feel like it will ever be worth it. Is a good quality of life an option? I thought I was way past my self harming and suicidal tendencies but apparently Im not. I have been balls deep in my eating disorder but I managed to spare my body a little bit of physical pain and i seriously give up
if I can't find anywhere to go I'll have to kill myself because I will not be on the streets and I will not let her destroy my life. I don't know what her end goal is but I know that nice house I got her is off limits, when I left my ex under her advice she said i can sleep on the couch but I'm not allowed to stay past Christmas. They told me the house Im in was permanent until recently. I understand theyre fucking with me on purpose but I don't understand why and I don't think I ever will. Anyways, thank you for listening to me lol, I hope life gets easier. Im a bit exhausted to say the least. Cant wait to catch a break. Any break at this point.
