SUGGESTIONS PLEASE: coping with resentment & finding an outlet.

[sickofbeinghere]

hi.
sometimes i get really caught up thinking about the people that abused me and contributed directly to my mental health.

i feel a lot, ranging from despondency and emptiness to what I'd call an "unfulfilled rage". rage that's impossible to actually express (as I have cut everybody off who abused me for the sake of my own wellbeing, and do not have any interest in yelling at people or spreading negativity in the world).

my symptoms everyday are awful. hating and harming myself, suicidality, severe depression, no willingness to exercise or take care of myself, and constant loneliness. my life is essentially ruined by other people's shitty actions, and I cant do anything to change that.

what do I do with these resentments, how do I express them?

I use poetry, art and music, and sometimes that works, but my issues with perfectionism and motivation can sometimes ruin those outlets for me.
my feelings are too visceral, striking deep into my core, something "structured" like art and music often feels like it won't do it justice.

any suggestions are welcomed. however I am a pacifist and don't give any weight to "revenge fantasies", so please don't suggest anything like that. i want to deal with rage in a constructive and peaceful way. thank you!

 

[Somber]

I would give that exercising thing a chance.

- Try running or cycling (or any other sports), but those 2 you can do by yourself.
- It doesn't require perfection, you can push yourself to the limits that you can handle.
- It can be especially satisfying when you need to release some anger. Sprint as hard as you can and let your anger determine your pace.
- It'll get some endorphins in your system and it'll make you healthier and fitter.

 

[TooConscious]

The only things I've found long term is getting out in nature, trees, fields, fresh air, I know it's all polluted and they spy on us with robot flies and shit but it reminds you there is something that tries to be still, calm, and not cause suffering... The exact opposite of the human race.
Exercisingas someone said to whatever your ability, even if it's walking up a mild incline for. Ten minutes. You just feel you've shown some effort and respect yourself for it. There's a difference between the pain we create in uraelces through exercise and what others and society created for us. I thought I'd be the last person to do this but it helped. My target now is to properly get these brain circuits re wired so ino longer feel the petty results of utcomes of suffering laid on me by others and I even believe as far as... To put simply 'sadistic evil gods' no longer give them the satisfaction of hurting me no matter what they do as theyve crushed me to nothing anyway so now anything I achieve is something I should be proud of because no one truly helped me. (I had a good support worker who got me housed but other then that everyone has abused me in a variety way from birth. My own parents even through their own neglects and illness.
Its all orchestrated by sick rich corrupt sadistic hierarchy that see themselve as elite to us peons.

 

[waitingforrest]

I have had people abuse and hurt me in the past. I have moved on, but I am honestly still very bitter about it. Anything that reminds me of the past sends me into a downward spiral.

I find solace outdoors when I am feeling this way. Just the feeling of being away from any human or man made structure makes me calm. Self expression in any way can help get those feelings out. Sometimes it's freeing to understand that you have a right to feel resentful.

 

[Mr2005]

I would give as little time and energy to these people as possible. Your anger is only hurting you. It can be creative if channelled into something positive. It's just finding what that is. I've had an idea way out of left field

 

[Remember-Me-Not]

I experience something similar, especially since I have a lot of things left unsaid. So I write a letter or long message addressed to my abusers about how they fucked me up, how much I hate them, and how much better I am without them.

And here's the important part: Don't send it. They are no longer worth our time nor energy. Don't send it because they do not matter anymore.

I hope you feel peace one day from all your unfulfilled rage. Good luck.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

All these suggestions before my post are great ideas. I would only add one more and this is something you should only do when your rage is at a boiling point and you want to hurt yourself or destroy something:

Scream and/or shout outside as loud as you can and for as long as you can.
Just scream. No tantrums or violence or anything else. Just a loud primal shout until you shout out that excess anger. I used to do this when I lived in the country. Especially during my stint with homelessness there. It's cathartic as all hell, trust me.

 

[timf]

Sometimes a person will cut you off when driving down the highway. You might get angry and even accelerate to pull along next to the offender. However, if you see that the other driver is a 85 year old lady who can barely see over the dashboard, your anger usually diminishes because you understand that some people are not really in control of what they do.

In a similar way looking at people who have abused you, you might find a similar relief is seeing them as sad characters themselves who were not really in control of their own lives. Seeing a person as a malevolent evil doer (and there are some) allows us to focus our feelings of revenge and hate. However, in the long run this poisons us and ties us to that which is best left in the dust of history.

Getting mad and feeling like you want revenge is a good first step to making a break from that which harms us. However, after getting free, we need to free our own minds such that we do not continue to carry the effects of abuse even so far as abusing ourselves.

It can help to see abuse in terms that remove the other person from the equation. For example, if you visited a national park and had your leg crushed by a falling rock, There would not really be anyone to blame. You would still have to go through physical therapy and might not ever regain the full use of your leg. Seeing people who abused you as a falling rock, may not be too far off the mark. Those who cause others pain are often caught in forces they do not understand or can escape themselves.