Venting Suffering in confusion

[Alisalyx]

Why is life a series of misfortune events? Why do we even care about all this stuff, it's not for our survival benefit, yet we do, for some evolutionary reason.
I lost the only times I felt good, like actually good. Laughing hurts inside. I don't understand what have I done to deserve this. I don't understand what I should do. I wish I could just quickly end it. But preparing for sn isn't so easy for me... I've never been good at deciding something this final. But I'm scared to hurt someone, probably they won't even care but I am scared of making them more suicidal if I do it.
I wish things were clearer.

 

[dialogos]

Why is life a series of misfortune events? Why do we even care about all this stuff, it's not for our survival benefit, yet we do, for some evolutionary reason.
I lost the only times I felt good, like actually good. Laughing hurts inside. I don't understand what have I done to deserve this. I don't understand what I should do. I wish I could just quickly end it. But preparing for sn isn't so easy for me... I've never been good at deciding something this final. But I'm scared to hurt someone, probably they won't even care but I am scared of making them more suicidal if I do it.
I wish things were clearer.

You should never do ctb on a whim, on an impulse, or confusion.
You could make your situation much worse.
It sounds like you're being overwhelmed by something. You have a point about taking out negative things in our life that is trivial, but don't throw out the good things, no matter how small.
You know about the fight or flee response when facing danger?
This can cause confusion even when problems may not be dangerous.
a lot people bring the fight to themselves rather than fighting the problem.
admittedly some problems can't be helped like crippling illness, incurable pain, permanent paralysis, old, poor and homeless etc which needs miracles to resolve.
are you in that situation?

 

[FuneralCry]

Existence really is just too cruel, I certainly wish there's a way to just easily be permanently free from everything, it must be tiring what you are going through but anyway best wishes.