Venting Such a primal force

[whatevs]

Today as I was walking my dog I saw a couple (?) walking theirs. As they approached me my eyes slipped over a foggy masculine figure with a moustache to zero in the object of desire: long hair, gracile skeletal structure. Just what the DNA replication doctor prescribed. He keeps walking, she looks at me and greets with a timid smile. An abstract figure that embodies something that I need.

I notice the following. There's really a low-grade, constant, dull pain there as a long term loner. My body is designed to feel some degree of torment by its lack of female touch, especially knowing how it feels. And yet I am also reminded how devastating that touch can become.

So many years without... Many have led that life, monks and such. For me, it's just a background-tier, dull pain. Or perhaps is more than that. We learn to make our pain look and feel smaller somehow, to try and survive.

 

[Cryptonite]

Today as I was walking my dog I saw a couple (?) walking theirs. As they approached me my eyes slipped over a foggy masculine figure with a moustache to zero in the object of desire: long hair, gracile skeletal structure. Just what the DNA replication doctor prescribed. He keeps walking, she looks at me and greets with a timid smile. An abstract figure that embodies something that I need.

I notice the following. There's really a low-grade, constant, dull pain there as a long term loner. My body is designed to feel some degree of torment by its lack of female touch, especially knowing how it feels. And yet I am also reminded how devastating that touch can become.

So many years without... Many have led that life, monks and such. For me, it's just a background-tier, dull pain. Or perhaps is more than that. We learn to make our pain look and feel smaller somehow, to try and survive.

It's really unbelievable how massively different human experience is. I, personally, have been totally isolated for many months since the diagnosis of my spinal disease, and felt very little loneliness. On the other hand, I felt so much pain in areas that others would not give one thought about.

 

[whatevs]

It's really unbelievable how massively different human experience is. I, personally, have been totally isolated for many months since the diagnosis of my spinal disease, and felt very little loneliness. On the other hand, I felt so much pain in areas that others would not give one thought about.

Do you mean in like, somatic areas? Physical pain?

 

[Eternal Oblivion]

It think it's fucked up that we are born with several constant needs and the moment we fail to indulge them we feel the worst kind of feelings. I've also been a long time loner and I know that it's extremaly hurtful.

 

[Lonerzepam]

I envy people like you man. I've become a loner too but because of health conditions. I only have like 3 close friends left. But it's ok for me. I don't want more tbh. I think if I never would have had experiences with girls I wouldn't be here in the first place. But then again if I had 0 experiences with girls I would be probavly here too haha. But it doesn't matter. Many things are just out of our control. Control is an illusion. My favourite quote from my fav tv show. Yea idk where I'm going with this really haha take care friend

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering

 

[Cryptonite]

Do you mean in like, somatic areas? Physical pain?

Chronic pain too, yes, but mostly mental pain that stems from the loss of my life due to the physical disease and also from my flawed personality, which makes me dream about things that normal people wouldn't dream about.

 

[whatevs]

Chronic pain too, yes, but mostly mental pain that stems from the loss of my life due to the physical disease and also from my flawed personality, which makes me dream about things that normal people wouldn't dream about.

What are these special dreams that are uncommon, I wonder...

I envy people like you man. I've become a loner too but because of health conditions. I only have like 3 close friends left. But it's ok for me. I don't want more tbh. I think if I never would have had experiences with girls I wouldn't be here in the first place. But then again if I had 0 experiences with girls I would be probavly here too haha. But it doesn't matter. Many things are just out of our control. Control is an illusion. My favourite quote from my fav tv show. Yea idk where I'm going with this really haha take care friend

I mean, for me it's also mostly because of health conditions. Control might be an illusion but suffering is real for the time being. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

[aladdin]

I read that twice and I didn't understand a word :/

 

[Pluto]

This issue would have always been a bit of a problem for me because of my personality, but the situation was made a thousand times worse because of going to an all-boys school, a childhood of endless torment by my older sisters, having no father figure, a lunatic religious mother and an adult lifestyle dealing full-time with my own mental illnesses and poverty rather than a career.

The situation become my Bowser and the battle has become climactic. I'm currently looking at some left-of-field options to break the lifelong curse of family abuse, but otherwise, I am confident that I do not want to age in this state.