Study or ctb?

[Yuki K]

I've got an exam tomorrow. I'm mostly prepared yet I'm not entirely prepared but the thoughts of suicide keep coming to me while studying. Should I just stop studying and ctb immediately or study for the damn exam?

 

[Aguagu]

Study for the exam I'd say. If you have more knowledge for the exam then it will probably be less stressful and you will be able to sleep better knowing you'll probably pass. You'll also be happier once you get a good grade.

 

[FuneralCry]

You cannot expect others to tell you what to do, only you can decide, it's your life.

 

[Octavia]

It is always best to take the option that does not lock you out of the other. If this can be of any consolation for you, "studying" can be considered to be a portmanteau formed by "student dying".

 

[Mimi_]

Up to you,. But I would advice to wait tomorrow morning to see if you still want to ctb.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Do the best you can on your exam, it's always better to have more options/paths you can take in life like Octavia said, and education can open a lot of doors for you. Doing well in education can be a source of self-esteem and a potential path towards a better future, if that's something you're seeking.

It's way better to have a selection of decisions you can make in life, rather than feeling pushed into a corner and forced to make decisions against your will, on account of something going wrong, i.e. It's much better to give it your all when studying and know you tried as much as you could rather than reducing your effort and doing poorly, then being stuck in a bad economic situation or forced to quit university.

 

[RichardFirst]

You have nothing to lose by taking the exam. You could do a lot better than you think :)

 

[BeachyHeadLastOfUs]

I would definitely recommend studying for the exam. It has a chance to improve your life. You can always CTB another time if things don't work out. There is no rush to do it.

 

[whatevs]

Suicide and studying for an exam do not exist in the same levels of gravity, so the choice isn't valid. It might be that the cumulative suffering of many aspects of your life is making strenous tasks like studying triggers for suicidal ideation.

 

[Yuki K]

Thank you guys, for now I'll just study and I'll ctb when I've done giving it more thought and gotten the right method to ctb

 

[AngryDog]

Suicide thoughts sometimes come at the worst possible moment. It's good that you are somewhat prepared for the exam. Focus on passing the test for now. May I ask why are you considering suicide?

 

[Yuki K]

Suicide thoughts sometimes come at the worst possible moment. It's good that you are somewhat prepared for the exam. Focus on passing the test for now. May I ask why are you considering suicide?

My body is not correctly assigned with my gender. Going through with all types of gender-reassignment surgeries is a pain. I thought of just living on with the body I'm in but I no longer can. Death seems easier than the multiple surgeries. But then again I think if I'm ultimately gonna ctb, why even study in the first place? These scores are of no use when I'm dead

 

[AngryDog]

I'm so sorry that you're going through so much pain. I know very little about gender dysphoria, so I can only imagine the feeling. Being trapped in a body that doesn't represent who you really are must be hard. Are those surgeries the only option you have?

The score of the test is meaningless if you decide to die, that's true, but it would be cool if you can pass it. In the meantime, I hope you succeed in that.

 

[Yuki K]

I'm so sorry that you're going through so much pain. I know very little about gender dysphoria, so I can only imagine the feeling. Being trapped in a body that doesn't represent who you really are must be hard. Are those surgeries the only option you have?

The score of the test is meaningless if you decide to die, that's true, but it would be cool if you can pass it. In the meantime, I hope you succeed in that.

Other than the surgeries, I decided to move to another country or state and start my life over with a new name and live by as stealth. That is probably the only thought that is stopping me from ctb.
I've studied enough to pass the exam but the thing is that passing is not the only criteria in my country, I have to get about 80-85% to impress my parents.

I'll link a video for you if you don't understand what stealth is