Help stuck in a toxic home

[whiteclaudia]

hi hello, first thread, woo! i woke up the other day and wrote a note, so we're gonna see if some solidarity keeps me from the noose.

i had to move back home in order to get out of a controlling relationship, but that means i now live with people who've caused me significantly more trauma. i get along well enough with my mom - even if it's all surface level. i've been trying to process just how neglected i was as a kid because of her. she's also had a slew of shitty boyfriends, meaning i've never really felt comfortable at home. there's always a strange man that i have to learn how to interact with. appease, more like. her current boyfriend sent me these angry texts a while back, saying i'd "never do anything worthwhile in life." i've been sleeping nonstop and considering ctb because i can't stand being around either of them. i feel like they both see me as this worthless parasite who's come crawling back to burden them. you'd think my own mother would have at least asked how i'm doing. what happened. if i'm okay.

anyway! not great housemates. i'm sure it all sounds vapid because lots of people here must have it far worse. still, is there any way to make things livable without being completely delusional about it? i could slip back into my old "i deserve it" mentality, but that feels like giving up on any progress i've made towards recovery.

 

[Linda]

You could try compartmentalising your thoughts. You have to interact with your mother and her boyfriend. Just do it, as best you can, but split that off entirely from the things that really matter to you. Don't let what happens there bother you emotionally. (Easier said than done, I know, but doable.) Regard it as a necessary but unimportant part of life.

Separately from all that, start planning your own life on your own terms. There is not enough in your post for me to make any concrete suggestions about how you might do that. If you can't see a way forward yourself, you could post more details about yourself and see whether anyone in the community can make any useful suggestions.

Good luck.

 

[whiteclaudia]

Separately from all that, start planning your own life on your own terms. There is not enough in your post for me to make any concrete suggestions about how you mght do that. If you can't see a way forward yourself, you could post more details about yourself and see whether anyone in the community can make any useful suggestions.

thank you for the reply, i really appreciate it.

i thought on this for a bit, and i could theoretically wait until i sort out my old lease with my ex and then find an apartment somewhere else. i have around 10k, which feels like enough for the whole ordeal? i inherited my late father's savings when i turned 18 and then blew most of it, so i don't have a whole lot of financial awareness. anyway, moving away has always seemed like such a non-option to me. i was so neglected that i can't tell when i'm cold and need to put on a jacket. it seems stupid to try and function on my own. i was only able to leave the first time because my ex found the place, read the paperwork, drove us everywhere, etc.

it's something, at least. if i'm at all capable of developing what skills i need and then getting myself out of dodge, it's like one last ditch effort at life. i'll look into it.

 

[Linda]

thank you for the reply, i really appreciate it.

i thought on this for a bit, and i could theoretically wait until i sort out my old lease with my ex and then find an apartment somewhere else. i have around 10k, which feels like enough for the whole ordeal? i inherited my late father's savings when i turned 18 and then blew most of it, so i don't have a whole lot of financial awareness. anyway, moving away has always seemed like such a non-option to me. i was so neglected that i can't tell when i'm cold and need to put on a jacket. it seems stupid to try and function on my own. i was only able to leave the first time because my ex found the place, read the paperwork, drove us everywhere, etc.

it's something, at least. if i'm at all capable of developing what skills i need and then getting myself out of dodge, it's like one last ditch effort at life. i'll look into it.

You can do quite a lot with 10k **provided you manage that money carefully**. I suggest you give some thought to how you are going to do that. Since I was 18 I have kept detailed accounts of every cent - literally - that I have spent, and my expenditure is matched against budgets for different kinds of things. You don't need to do things the same way as me, but you do need to develop some systematic way of managing your money. If you don't, you will soon find that you don't have any.

Is there some kind of halfway situation, where you can get away from your parents a bit without having to function 100% on your own? If there is, it would allow you to develop some of the skills you will need to be independent, without it all turning into a life-and-death matter.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

You can develop skills needed in meantime and get out. You're not alone and neglect hurts. Feeling like home isn't safe is something I empathize with and does its own damage.

There's a recovery discord that's coming back to life, and there's a new PTSD CPTSD recovery discord. DM me if you're interested in invite.