Stuck and can't change my situation, isolation and ctb

[Dark Moon]

I can't seem to change my situation because I feel like I'm too old and I dont know how to change and where to begin at my age. I'm so behind to everyone else. I have been in isolation because of bad experiences and bullying in the past, people still treat me like I'm a scum and I heard that this happens to a lot of autistics myself included.

I would kill myself ctb but there's no available method. Guns are banned in this country and I can't get sodium nitrite here and there's a lot of instructions for it. I would pay for a bottle of nembutal but that's banned and unavailable too. It only leaves me with roping but I'm afraid I'll fail that and end up as a vegetable. I can't see any hope and life is just dire.

 

[orca87]

May I ask you how old you are?

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that it really can be so incredibly awful feeling trapped here, it's beyond horrible how cruel and insensitive humans make the existences of others much worse. I hate how as humans we are expected to just endlessly suffer, we don't deserve to be denied ways to reliably free ourselves from this hellish world. I also wish that I had Nembutal, to me there is nothing that sounds more ideal than being able to pass away peacefully.

 

[QiTianDaSheng]

To be fair, there are plenty of people who might use said options to free others from this hellish world. That's the rub/risk.

I'm tempted by NN first, or the car-rope-decap trick. Shame it might not succeed using a motorcycle, as I would prefer that.

 

[sunshiningbackwards]

May I ask you how old you are?

this,. I can certainly relate in a lot of ways in my late 20s but I don't wanna give advice from beneath if you're older than me. feels condescending maybe idk

 

[Dark Moon]

May I ask you how old you are?

I'm early 30's.