Struggling to find hope

[TrappedGnostic]

The past few weeks have been mentally taxing. I still show up, work, exercise, try to make room for my hobbies and so forth, but the loneliness has started getting to me. It sucks being a gay man with no relationship and sex experience nearing 30, and I keep getting rejected and ghosted in the apps because I'm ugly. I'm trying to hold on to life by reading the stories of distraught relatives and friends that lost loved ones to ctb, essentially guilt-tripping me, but I'm struggling. I'm so jealous of other people whose life is much more effortless and who are sought after by others etc. I've always been a weirdo and a circus freak and my losing streak will never change.

 

[goochgodd]

Have you tried going to a gay bar or maybe even finding a similarly minded friend group?

 

[TrappedGnostic]

Have you tried going to a gay bar or maybe even finding a similarly minded friend group?

I've tried gay bars and I've had no luck.

Unfortunately making friends is really hard for me due to being autistic.

 

[ChiariBear]

The past few weeks have been mentally taxing. I still show up, work, exercise, try to make room for my hobbies and so forth, but the loneliness has started getting to me. It sucks being a gay man with no relationship and sex experience nearing 30, and I keep getting rejected and ghosted in the apps because I'm ugly. I'm trying to hold on to life by reading the stories of distraught relatives and friends that lost loved ones to ctb, essentially guilt-tripping me, but I'm struggling. I'm so jealous of other people whose life is much more effortless and who are sought after by others etc. I've always been a weirdo and a circus freak and my losing streak will never change.

I feel this although I have a myriad of sexual experience, my relationship experience has been poor. I also have some chronic physical conditions that sometimes limit what I can do intimately and physically. I have not had a man want to invest time and energy in me since 2010 and even that had was a bit bizarre as he had his other man sending me bizarre emails. The past few days my housemate who is also gay had a twink friend staying for a few days and was idolizing him and it just made me sad as I will never have that kind of attention, although I don't entirely know if I want it. I'm tired of just being someone's way of letting off their sexual frustrations. Besides a half brother 14 years older than me, who lives far away and I've not seen since 2017 and we don't have a good relationship due to his own mental health and substance abuse issues. I don't have any family left that cares about me. I have a friend who I'm close with but she doesn't understand these struggles as she's happily married in a heterosexual relationship.